nowwhatnow Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 I have to tell myself everyday that one day he is going to regret dumping me and ask for me back. On the surface I know this is not true, but in my heart I still hope for this to happen. Is it so bad/ hurtful in the long term if I need to believe it to get me through the day?
USMCHokie Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 The hope you hold that he will come back might help you get through the short term, but it will be very detrimental to your healing in the long term. Do you know why...? Because your long term healing will never begin until you let go of that hope.
GreenPolicy Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 You cannot truly heal until you let go of that hope.
Graceful Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 I have to tell myself everyday that one day he is going to regret dumping me and ask for me back. On the surface I know this is not true, but in my heart I still hope for this to happen. Is it so bad/ hurtful in the long term if I need to believe it to get me through the day? It's only going to be hurtful to you in the long run, I agree. It's called "magical thinking" and people who employ it are usually struggling with the reality of a loss that is very painful. When the reality really sets in, it just prolongs the pain and the ability to move on. It would be more helpful to you to replace the "hope for his return" for hope of another kind. So maybe you can try opening up your heart and hoping for a healing path. Hope that you will heal and that you're going to be ok, because you will be ok, it just takes time. Hope is critical, just make it about you, ok?
GreenPolicy Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 We let go over time. We let go by listening to our heads so that our hearts will eventually follow. We let go by adhering to NC. We cannot snap our fingers and let go. I wish that it were that easy. As painful as this process is, we will come through on the other side if we work at our grief instead of just letting that grief happen to us. Time alone does not heal us, but what we do with that time.
USMCHokie Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 Time alone does not heal us, but what we do with that time. This is a good statement. And it's the main reason why people heal at different speeds. Some are better at using their time the most efficiently to heal, whether it be from experience or just how they are personally wired.
homebrew Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 I have to tell myself everyday that one day he is going to regret dumping me and ask for me back. My EX will regret dumping me... I don't know about yours... Personally, I think it is a great way to think and feel! Trust me... I'm a Doctor!
USMCHokie Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 My EX will regret dumping me... I don't know about yours... The important thing to remember is that what your ex will think and feel is completely irrelevant.
Hades Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 I have to tell myself everyday that one day he is going to regret dumping me and ask for me back. On the surface I know this is not true, but in my heart I still hope for this to happen. Is it so bad/ hurtful in the long term if I need to believe it to get me through the day? Yup. It's so bad. Wake up every day and tell yourself this: God is preparing me today for something greater tomorrow.
paleblue Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 If that helps you get thru things than go with it. Maybe its true, maybe someday he will regret his actions and get back in touch, it happens all the time. I just hope, if/when that happens you will already realize there is someone better out there for you, and wont want anything to do with him. If he was the right one for you this wouldnt be happening now.
LittleMike Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 I have to tell myself everyday that one day he is going to regret dumping me and ask for me back. On the surface I know this is not true, but in my heart I still hope for this to happen. Is it so bad/ hurtful in the long term if I need to believe it to get me through the day? I think the same way as you do even though it's not the healthiest way to heal 100%. I know one day she will regret her decision but i'm hoping i she'll do so when i'm completely over her, so it won't matter.
GoingInsane Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 My hope is that my ex will regret what she did to me and her new relationship (she had an affair with him when with me) crashes and burns very quickly. I has been pining after her for the last 3 months, wanting nothing more than her to come back. I don't want that now I've found out about the affair/relationship - but I just can't get the thought of them together out of my head and it kills me to think of them living happily ever after. I don't even want her to be left broken hearted, I want it to fizzle out with a whimper and her to look back on our relationship and regret letting a bit of excitment get in the way of a future with me.
Fern Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 My hope is that my ex will regret what she did to me and her new relationship (she had an affair with him when with me) crashes and burns very quickly. I has been pining after her for the last 3 months, wanting nothing more than her to come back. I don't want that now I've found out about the affair/relationship - but I just can't get the thought of them together out of my head and it kills me to think of them living happily ever after. I don't even want her to be left broken hearted, I want it to fizzle out with a whimper and her to look back on our relationship and regret letting a bit of excitment get in the way of a future with me. Amen. I still want my exes relationship with the girl he cheated on me with to crash and burn - but I care less and less as time passes. I'm single 5 months now. At 3 months it was my OBSESSION. Now I just think it in passing the odd time. This too will pass.
LifeIsGreat Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 My hope is NOT about the ex. My hope is that I will find the right woman at the right time. A woman that truly appreciates me for who I am, and I in turn appreciate her for who she is. My hope is to find a woman I am compatible with and can fall in love with-- and stay in love with. Now that I think about it, I wouldn't really call it a hope per se; it's something I KNOW will happen-- just a matter of time.
Author nowwhatnow Posted January 4, 2011 Author Posted January 4, 2011 wow thank you all so much for your responses. Even though a lot of your answers contradict each other, I think they are all true to an extent. For me I think it is a matter of having to tell myself this because facing the possibility that he will not come back is just too daunting right now. I guess that even if he never comes back and I tell myself this, maybe one day I will no longer have to. Even though it could be more hurtful long term, I can not even think about the long term until I get through the short term.
beauty0815 Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 I feel your pain , in life we all have bad breakups and get our heart broken . its hard to deal with these situations , im going through something now and im asking myself will he ever regret , i ask myself everyday . i just push myself eveyday and try to occupy my time with something like work and school ! i would say dont dwell on the past move on but im in that stage too i still havent moved on ! just try your best not to think about it IF YOU LOVE SOMETHING YOU HAVE TO LET IT GO IF IT COMES BACK ITS YOURS IF IT DOESNT IT NEVER WAS ...thats the motto im trying to live by eveyday ..read my 2 forums .. im kinda in the same boat with you all i can say that it ALWAYS UNFORTUNATELy gets worse before it gets better !you have to go through the lonely nights / tears / stress / hurt because one day you will be strong again and you will smile again !! good luck !
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