GreenPolicy Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 This has been a rough three months for me. Two days before she dumped me, I was hanging out at her apt. My mom called frantic bc my dad had driven home drunk and wrecked both cars pulling into the driveway. I went with her to check him into a 30 day rehab place. Two days later I got dumped. My dad got out a month later and nothing had changed. He's as bad as ever. I do my best to help my mom out. Lately her dad and my grandfather's health has taken a turn for the worse. He probably has weeks left. My mom and I have taken turns consoling each other. She considered my ex to be just like s daughter in law, so she grieves her loss as well. I just feel like my whole world has caved in on me. I lost the woman I thought I would marry. I'm about to lose my grandfather. And I basically don't have a dad at this point. I'm scared because my mom has been my rock throughout all of this, and pretty soon she is going to be preoccupied with her dad passing away. I don't want to burn out my friends talking about the b/u. It's been 11 weeks now, so she's not coming back. She will date other men, and that may have already happened. My imagination tortures me picturing her with another guy. I just wish there was a way out of this pain. Having to help my mom take care of my alcoholic dad and my gf's impending passing - it just feels like my world is caving in. I have the loss of three people to grieve, not just one.
D78 Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 GreenPolicy, My heart goes out to you. Life throws it at us in threes. Your Mom is your rock. I think you will be surprised at her strength if her father passes. I was surprised how strong my mom was when my grandfather died. She will always be there for you, and you don't have to worry about relying on her because she can take it. Moms are crazy strong superwomen in disguise. Hopefully, your grandfather lived a full life. I know it's hard to deal with the loss of a family member, regardless of what kind of life he lived. But, when my grandfather died, the fact that he lived a full 90 years was my only comfort. Keep taking care of your dad. I don't know the magic words to fix that problem, if there are any. I'm sure it must be frustrating to no end and very expensive. I just wanted to say hang in there. I'm sorry that life is really piling it on you right now. When you reach the other side, you will be 3x as strong. You're strong enough to get through this. Good luck.
Author GreenPolicy Posted January 2, 2011 Author Posted January 2, 2011 My granddad is 90. He has alzheimers. It's time for him to go, it will ease his suffering and that of my grandmother who has had to be his full time caretaker. But it will be sad. My ex and I had made plans to get married. Given the circumstances of our b/u, my head tells me she has an inability and unwillingness to sustain a ltr. I've had more than one person tell me she is a broken soul. I suppose I grieve the person i thought she was, the plans that will not come to fruition, and as time passes and I struggle with acceptance and moving on, she will move on and date before me. I miss her do much.
D78 Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 My grandmother had Alzheimer's. I get where you're coming from. I'm so sorry. Many of your posts have struck a chord with me, because your break up situation reminds me a lot of mine. You're a few weeks ahead of me in recovery, so your posts have inspired me to be a better dumpee (I hope that sounds like a compliment, as that is how I meant it). Everyone on LS has your back (they're all probably asleep right now so you don't know it). All of the superficial crap I'm doing to feel better is completely inappropriate for your situation. Just know that many people have your back. You gotta experience this pain. Whatever you need, I bet someone on LS will help you with it.
Author GreenPolicy Posted January 2, 2011 Author Posted January 2, 2011 I do take it as a compliment. When I listen to my head, I feel better. Whammy let my heart lead the way, I feel worse. I see you're in north Texas. I live in Dallas.
D78 Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 I'm also waiting for my heart to catch up with my head. My ex left me and didn't really say why, other than he wasn't happy and thought we should spend time apart. I know that he could do nothing to make my life better, because I couldn't trust him again. Logically, he has nothing to offer me. My heart, however, has yet to learn these lessons. Anyways... I live in North Dallas (Carrollton). It's a small world after all. Maybe it's something in the air, ya think?
Author GreenPolicy Posted January 2, 2011 Author Posted January 2, 2011 That's kind of how I feel. I know she was very happy most of the time we were together and she contemplated her decision for weeks, not months. I feel like even if I did get her back at this point, I would never feel at peace wondering when she would walk out again. So logically I should not pine after her or want her back. The r/l fell apart when I tried to solidify plans to get formally engaged. I guess my heart grieves for the love that we shared. It doesn't come around very often. I suppose that what eventually lifts us out of our despair is hope. Not hope for a reunion, but hope for what our lives can be without our exes, and hope and certainty that we will love again, even if in all likelihood it is not a second chance with our ex.
Author GreenPolicy Posted January 2, 2011 Author Posted January 2, 2011 Oh and I'm in north oak cliff near bishop arts and the Methodist hospital.
D78 Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 I went to a show at the Kessler Theater last night. I believe that's in your part of town. What a wonderful place to live. I remember passing Bishop Street a couple of times, while on 8th Street trying to find West Davis... I found East Davis... is West Davis across the street... no that's Denver... yeah I know you know why that's funny You know, about the love not coming around very often... I was shopping for black eyed pea necessities, and for the first time I noticed all the single guys my age at the grocery store. When I'm over it, I bet there are lots of great guys out there. I bet the finding love part will be less difficult than the getting over love part. I think that the fact that anyone posts on LS shows that they are more caring than many other folks who just walk away and play like nothing happened. Probably more mature, too, as we are facing this pain and doing what we can to get past it and learn from it. We are probably all really great catches, but in our sorrow we don't see that right now. From an eternal optimist, so take it in that light. Good luck and I'm so sorry about all the things you're facing. I wish I had words that would help the other situations you're facing right now, but I don't.
Rose T Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 GreenPolicy, my heart goes out to you at this time. But you are not alone... your Mom sounds like an incredible woman and you do have your friends... you know that, right? That's kind of how I feel. I know she was very happy most of the time we were together and she contemplated her decision for weeks, not months. I feel like even if I did get her back at this point, I would never feel at peace wondering when she would walk out again. So logically I should not pine after her or want her back. The r/l fell apart when I tried to solidify plans to get formally engaged. I guess my heart grieves for the love that we shared. It doesn't come around very often. I suppose that what eventually lifts us out of our despair is hope. Not hope for a reunion, but hope for what our lives can be without our exes, and hope and certainty that we will love again, even if in all likelihood it is not a second chance with our ex. What you wrote here is sane, mature and very beautiful. You know, I've been having a tough time over the holidays and there's the ache of not having that person by your side when life is hard. But you deserve someone who won't vanish when you need them most. I guess your break-up was also perhaps bad timing but one day you'll find someone who'll be there no matter what you're going through. I believe we all will. Love shack is full of people that are focussing on lost love to learn how make things better, make better choices, next time around. That is such an important phase of healing and growth and I'm sure we'll only find more compatible people in the future because of it.
Recommended Posts