Author ICE911 Posted January 7, 2011 Author Posted January 7, 2011 I tired to call her but she is heading out of town this weekend and then she is busy with her kids all next week. I seriously want to get to the bottom of this and find out what is going on and let her know my expectations and find out hers. I would prefer to do this in person but maybe its best by phone call. I just don't want her avoiding this discussion that needs to take place. I don't know if I'm walking into hell and basically the discussion will be the end of the dating. What's your take on this?
walktheline Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 I tired to call her but she is heading out of town this weekend and then she is busy with her kids all next week. I seriously want to get to the bottom of this and find out what is going on and let her know my expectations and find out hers. I would prefer to do this in person but maybe its best by phone call. I just don't want her avoiding this discussion that needs to take place. I don't know if I'm walking into hell and basically the discussion will be the end of the dating. What's your take on this? Did she actually express to you that she was upset because you hadn't texted her in awhile or was this just your interpretation of her feelings? I ask this because if she is genuinely upset with that she must have some vested interest in you. I can also understand why she would be busy if she has kids especially depending on their ages. And if she's had some rough past relationships she may be hesitant to expose her kids to someone new. Sounds like you need to contact her by phone or in person and tell her where you stand and how you feel. And then maybe she can do the same and you can both get on the same page. To me she really seems to have the "once bitten, twice shy" feeling going on and it will take you showing her that you aren't like those other guys to gain her trust. In the end it will be up to her and how willing she is to trust someone again. Good luck!
Author ICE911 Posted January 7, 2011 Author Posted January 7, 2011 Did she actually express to you that she was upset because you hadn't texted her in awhile or was this just your interpretation of her feelings? I ask this because if she is genuinely upset with that she must have some vested interest in you. I can also understand why she would be busy if she has kids especially depending on their ages. And if she's had some rough past relationships she may be hesitant to expose her kids to someone new. Sounds like you need to contact her by phone or in person and tell her where you stand and how you feel. And then maybe she can do the same and you can both get on the same page. To me she really seems to have the "once bitten, twice shy" feeling going on and it will take you showing her that you aren't like those other guys to gain her trust. In the end it will be up to her and how willing she is to trust someone again. Good luck! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- This was my interpretation. Reason being, after she said "Well have a good weekend" ...I said just so you know i'm not ignoring you. She didnt respond...so I asked if she got my text and she replied " I dunno".....I replied you dunno what................she replied "I don't know what to think". So yes, I think she is annoyed or frusterated. Thing is she exposed her kids to me for the first 2.5 weeks, then she started getting distant. I think I should still shoot her an occasional text on a daily basis, just to play my cards right so that I can at least get an actual conversation in. What do ya think?
Imajerk17 Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 (edited) ---------------------------------------------------------------------- This was my interpretation. Reason being, after she said "Well have a good weekend" ...I said just so you know i'm not ignoring you. She didnt respond...so I asked if she got my text and she replied " I dunno".....I replied you dunno what................she replied "I don't know what to think". So yes, I think she is annoyed or frusterated. Thing is she exposed her kids to me for the first 2.5 weeks, then she started getting distant. I think I should still shoot her an occasional text on a daily basis, just to play my cards right so that I can at least get an actual conversation in. What do ya think? I'd send her a text saying "I'm done" and move on. This relationship is done anyway. I mean, she isn't doing anything to keep you, and even worse, she is blaming her flakiness on you. Cut her loose. She doesn't deserve to have a guy like you around. It's over anyway, so be the one to realize this and walk away. By sticking around, you are showing no self-respect, and so she is going to end it herself. By walking away, you are. You will feel much better about a relationship like this ending if *you* be the one to end it, for this very reason. It might not sound so big, but it is. Edited January 8, 2011 by Imajerk17
walktheline Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 ---------------------------------------------------------------------- This was my interpretation. Reason being, after she said "Well have a good weekend" ...I said just so you know i'm not ignoring you. She didnt respond...so I asked if she got my text and she replied " I dunno".....I replied you dunno what................she replied "I don't know what to think". So yes, I think she is annoyed or frusterated. Thing is she exposed her kids to me for the first 2.5 weeks, then she started getting distant. I think I should still shoot her an occasional text on a daily basis, just to play my cards right so that I can at least get an actual conversation in. What do ya think? Honestly if it was me I'd text her and ask that when she comes back if you can have a talk. Whether that be in person or over the phone it's up to you and you're comfortableness with it. If she ignores you then I'd walk away and if she doesn't there's your chance and I wouldn't bother her any more over the weekend until you two talk. And it sounds like neither of you have really talked about any of this, just texts back and forth. So it's time to give it one more shot lay it all on the line, if you really like this person and tell her how you feel. If she's still all flaky after that, time to go NC on her. Honestly, she sounds like she has a lot of baggage from past relationships, but who doesn't. I guess it's up to you decide if this is all worth it and if is to you, don't let anyone else tell you differently. Good luck.
Imajerk17 Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 Honestly if it was me I'd text her and ask that when she comes back if you can have a talk. Whether that be in person or over the phone it's up to you and you're comfortableness with it. If she ignores you then I'd walk away and if she doesn't there's your chance and I wouldn't bother her any more over the weekend until you two talk. And it sounds like neither of you have really talked about any of this, just texts back and forth. So it's time to give it one more shot lay it all on the line, if you really like this person and tell her how you feel. If she's still all flaky after that, time to go NC on her. Honestly, she sounds like she has a lot of baggage from past relationships, but who doesn't. I guess it's up to you decide if this is all worth it and if is to you, don't let anyone else tell you differently. Good luck. What is there to talk about? She knows she is disrespecting him! You nice guys give too many chances. Show some self-respect. Move on.
40 Fonzarelli Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 I'd send her a text saying "I'm done" and move on. This relationship is done anyway. I mean, she isn't doing anything to keep you, and even worse, she is blaming her flakiness on you. Cut her loose. She doesn't deserve to have a guy like you around. It's over anyway, so be the one to realize this and walk away. By sticking around, you are showing no self-respect, and so she is going to end it herself. By walking away, you are. You will feel much better about a relationship like this ending if *you* be the one to end it, for this very reason. It might not sound so big, but it is. This. Except I wouldn't even text her that you are done. Just cut her off and meet other girls. I bet once you meet another girl, you will quickly forget about this one.
Author ICE911 Posted January 8, 2011 Author Posted January 8, 2011 Honestly if it was me I'd text her and ask that when she comes back if you can have a talk. Whether that be in person or over the phone it's up to you and you're comfortableness with it. If she ignores you then I'd walk away and if she doesn't there's your chance and I wouldn't bother her any more over the weekend until you two talk. And it sounds like neither of you have really talked about any of this, just texts back and forth. So it's time to give it one more shot lay it all on the line, if you really like this person and tell her how you feel. If she's still all flaky after that, time to go NC on her. Honestly, she sounds like she has a lot of baggage from past relationships, but who doesn't. I guess it's up to you decide if this is all worth it and if is to you, don't let anyone else tell you differently. Good luck. ________________________________________________________________ Well i pulled a ballzy/stupid move today. I messaged her best friend on facebook and asked her if she had any advice on what I could do to help the situation. Her friend said she would just give her time and that I can trust this friend of hers that she wont say anything. I think I can trust her...worst case if she finds out I will explain everything and find out where I stand....then just go No Contact after.
Author ICE911 Posted January 11, 2011 Author Posted January 11, 2011 walktheline.....curious to see what happened with your gf? Hopefully it's good news. As for mine....she accidentally sent me a text that was meant for her ex husband on Sunday and we exchanged a few texts. That being said I havent tried to get in touch with her since.
amerikajin Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 ________________________________________________________________ Well i pulled a ballzy/stupid move today. I messaged her best friend on facebook and asked her if she had any advice on what I could do to help the situation. Her friend said she would just give her time and that I can trust this friend of hers that she wont say anything. I think I can trust her...worst case if she finds out I will explain everything and find out where I stand....then just go No Contact after. Dude, just let it go. Don't text anymore. If she texts you, just text her back to see if she's free and set up a date. If she's evasive and non-committal, then just leave her alone. Don't text her to say 'We're done'. Don't announce that you're done with a girl unless you're in a genuine boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, like when you're sleeping at each other's house and that sort of stuff. But if it's just dating here and there for a few weeks, you don't need to announce that you're cutting her off, and it just makes you look bitter and hurt. Just move on and give some other girls more of your time, and who knows, she might circle back around on her own. Women typically like to feel that they're in control of the dating process. They need their space and time at first. It's when they stop needing it and they start approaching you that you know you've got something to work with. They will send hints and they want you to pick up on those hints, but they're the ones who decide whether the relationship goes forward. One thing I learned a while back - something that has actually worked for me in the past - is to keep contact to a minimum outside of dating, at least until you are both becoming really comfortable with each other. I would say that within the first few weeks, when you're just getting to know each other, send texts or phone calls only to set up the date, and then to confirm the date (once), and keep it at that. Don't text or call to say what's up or any of that until she starts feeling more comfortable with you. For one thing, girls like a little bit of mystery - they even expect it. For another thing, they want to get to know a guy gradually. They know what men want (sex), so there's really no mystery there. But they don't want to just give themselves up right away. You have to gain their trust and comfort. When you send texts all the time wondering about where you stand, it makes them really uncomfortable. Just send texts to set up dates, and then go out and have fun talking and doing stuff on your dates.
Author ICE911 Posted January 11, 2011 Author Posted January 11, 2011 Thanks for the advice. At this point I just want to get my clothes back from her place. Sex was already happening quite a bit during the first 2.5 weeks. I do agree with you though keep things a bit of a mystery. The thing is I went with her flow from day 1 and because I'm not into games if I felt like seeing her when she asked then I saw her and if I couldn't then I wouldn't. I think she set the pace to fast for her own likings and because I went with the flow it has now backfired.
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