Author ICE911 Posted January 3, 2011 Author Posted January 3, 2011 Yeah I sometimes feel like I'm the definition of a "nice guy" even though I don't always act like it. Not sure I'd consider your date 'blown off' or anything, depending on what kind of family thing it was that can be really important to some people. And at least she sounds like she is trying, did you try and reschedule? And no feel good dating movies for me, Eff that crap. I only like watching those when things are going well. Go watch "Up in the Air". Enough movie recommendations I'll post another update if things change. _________________________________________________________ This was a movie and dinner date with her mom. I couldnt even try and reschedule because she said she had to go and clean and cook and will try to text me when she's free. Although, now I'm starting to get her pattern down and am pretty sure there will be no texting.
walktheline Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 Wow, this is getting freaking bizarre. ICE you must be like the alternate universe me or something! I got a text from my girl saying that she had been busy and was getting ready to start her online class, but instead of her having a "family engagement" like yours mine has a friends bday she "forgot about". WTF? I just texted her back and told that it was ok I figured she was busy and to call me whenever she got a chance. I really don't know whether she will or not, but I'm not texting or calling her anymore andthe stupid freaking ball is back in her court. Gotta love the games 0_o I figure if she does call I'm going to figure out where we stand and hopefully get her to make a decision of whether she has time for me or is even interested in going out again. I like her enough that I'm willing to work around our jobs and her school to see her again, but I'm not going to be waiting at her beckon call whenever she's bored or can't find something (or someone) else to do. If I was you though, I wouldn't text her again for a couple of days to see what happens and then call or text her to see if she wants to try again. That's the best you can do I think, definitely don't chase her unless you like those type of games.
Author ICE911 Posted January 4, 2011 Author Posted January 4, 2011 Wow, this is getting freaking bizarre. ICE you must be like the alternate universe me or something! I got a text from my girl saying that she had been busy and was getting ready to start her online class, but instead of her having a "family engagement" like yours mine has a friends bday she "forgot about". WTF? I just texted her back and told that it was ok I figured she was busy and to call me whenever she got a chance. I really don't know whether she will or not, but I'm not texting or calling her anymore andthe stupid freaking ball is back in her court. Gotta love the games 0_o I figure if she does call I'm going to figure out where we stand and hopefully get her to make a decision of whether she has time for me or is even interested in going out again. I like her enough that I'm willing to work around our jobs and her school to see her again, but I'm not going to be waiting at her beckon call whenever she's bored or can't find something (or someone) else to do. If I was you though, I wouldn't text her again for a couple of days to see what happens and then call or text her to see if she wants to try again. That's the best you can do I think, definitely don't chase her unless you like those type of games. ------------------------------------------------------- WALKTHELINE, that seriously blows. Seriously, I totally understand how you feel. I would defintitely lay low and don't initiate anything. The reality is this can't keep going on. Whether these women are playing a game or think we are freaking doormats. Screw that. We deserve alot better. The biggest mystery is why do they come on so damn strong in the beginning and then get all cold and stuff. I actually got a text from the gf saying "Hey. I just got up and had rested for a bit. I got a bit of cleaning to do and then going to bed. Goodnight". I asked if her mom had left already and she said her mom never called or showed up. I don't believ a freakin word. Smells like b.s. What do you think? I am def not initiating anything and will wait 3 weeks max to see if anything has changed. Do these women really think we believe them? lol. God. I told her goodnight and I'm heading off to meet my buddy. Theses women better not be surprised when we call them on their **** and decide to give them all the space they are clearly asking for.
walktheline Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 (edited) ------------------------------------------------------- WALKTHELINE, that seriously blows. Seriously, I totally understand how you feel. I would defintitely lay low and don't initiate anything. The reality is this can't keep going on. Whether these women are playing a game or think we are freaking doormats. Screw that. We deserve alot better. The biggest mystery is why do they come on so damn strong in the beginning and then get all cold and stuff. I actually got a text from the gf saying "Hey. I just got up and had rested for a bit. I got a bit of cleaning to do and then going to bed. Goodnight". I asked if her mom had left already and she said her mom never called or showed up. I don't believ a freakin word. Smells like b.s. What do you think? I am def not initiating anything and will wait 3 weeks max to see if anything has changed. Do these women really think we believe them? lol. God. I told her goodnight and I'm heading off to meet my buddy. Theses women better not be surprised when we call them on their **** and decide to give them all the space they are clearly asking for. Hahah....yeah I'm not initiating any more contact she can call me if she wants, but if I don't hear from her in a couple of days her number, pics and everything getting deleted off my phone. I like her, but damn I don't have time to play games like this. I too am confused by this mystery of hot then cold, not sure if it's games or what with mine. She just moved back home where all her friends (and exes) are at and I understand she's excited to see them all again, but I also figure if she's that interested in me she'd make a little more effort. I don't know, a good female friend of mine says that I should just let her make the effort now and if she doesn't then move on. Granted it was only yesterday that I hadn't had any contact from her, but I haven't actually talked to her for 4 days. So whatever, I'm seriously thinking bout hitting up this nurse that's been flirting with me and asking her to dinner this weekend if I don't get a phone call or explanation. Kind of sucks, but what are you going to do, you can't force them to like you, it would just be nice for once to have someone I've been seeing to act like an adult and lay it all out in the open. Thrill of the chase maybe? Who knows, but if you don't like me, TELL ME, I'm an adult. Don't try and keep me on your back burner for later.... Edited January 4, 2011 by walktheline
walktheline Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 This will probably be the last update on this girl I think. So she did text me back after I told her to call me, all it said was "ok" and I know her online classes ended a couple hours ago and no phone call, so I just decided to email her and put everything in her court, no more games or bullsh*t. Hi, I'll make this quick. I know you are a busy person and you have a lot going on in your life right now. If you don't have time to see me or talk to me or even don't like me, I understand, but tell me, don't disappear like you have been lately. I am an adult, not some young idiot that's going to to throw some temper tantrum and cry, I'll get over it. I really enjoyed all the times I spent with you and talked to you, but I'm also not going to sit around and wait for you to text me or call me back. So if you still want to see me I'm game, I would like that, but you have to make that decision not me. I'm not looking for anything super serious right now, just someone I can spend time with and have fun and maybe see where it all goes. Thanks for the memories... So that is that. I'll be incredibly shocked if I get any type of response and I'm planning on moving on, I don't have time to waste on this crap.
amerikajin Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 (edited) This will probably be the last update on this girl I think. So she did text me back after I told her to call me, all it said was "ok" and I know her online classes ended a couple hours ago and no phone call, so I just decided to email her and put everything in her court, no more games or bullsh*t. Hi, I'll make this quick. I know you are a busy person and you have a lot going on in your life right now. If you don't have time to see me or talk to me or even don't like me, I understand, but tell me, don't disappear like you have been lately. I am an adult, not some young idiot that's going to to throw some temper tantrum and cry, I'll get over it. I really enjoyed all the times I spent with you and talked to you, but I'm also not going to sit around and wait for you to text me or call me back. So if you still want to see me I'm game, I would like that, but you have to make that decision not me. I'm not looking for anything super serious right now, just someone I can spend time with and have fun and maybe see where it all goes. Thanks for the memories... So that is that. I'll be incredibly shocked if I get any type of response and I'm planning on moving on, I don't have time to waste on this crap. This ain't the strategy I would use. The email itself makes you look needy and it gives the impression that you're investing a lot of emotion in the relationship before she's had time to know you well. If she doesn't respond to your emails, then she's not worth your time. No need to write follow up emails. Either she's too busy or she just doesn't respect you, neither of which you want in a date. Long time ago I used to be kinda, sorta needy and I learned that the best thing is to just not give a f*ck about what happens. I don't mean act like you don't care, I mean actually not caring what happens and just go into a date not caring about anything except just having a good time, and having a good time yourself if nothing else. For example, when you're scheduling a date, don't do something just because you think your date might like it, even if you don't. Approach it as just doing what you want to do and that you're giving your date the opportunity to enjoy it with you. Except for the shag session at midnight in your bedroom, do a lot of the same things with your date that you'd want to do with anyone else. And just get to know your date. Less pressure that way. Edited January 4, 2011 by amerikajin
bitteorca Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 Hey man, Sorry to hear that this has happened to you. It happened to me recently as well, its unpleasant to say the least! I don't really have any advice for you apart from not to take things personally. It hasn't worked out, be kind of glad it only lasted for this long and that she hasn't done this to you after years of being with each other (I had a girlfriend for 3.5years and we broke up, completely different circumstances of course, but that really does hurt to the core!) You'll get over this pretty quick just looking at the amount of time spent with each other, I can gaurantee. Another thing I wished I had done when this situation happened to me was to just leave it without showing any sign of emotion. I sent her a message on facebook. I wouldn't say it was begging for her back, but it certainly was needy now I have had time to look at things more rationally. I know its hard not to do such things when your emotions get the better of you, but honestly - try your hardest. Treat her as if she is a stranger now - be polite and civil of course, but don't give her a scrap of your dignity. I lost mine when I sent her that message and the rest, I'm getting it back now by going completely NC. I hope, whatever the outcome, you are ok though. You know its true what eminem, that prominent philosopher said: '******s they come, they go'. Theres plenty more out there, ones that aren't fickle and lose interest after 1 month. Ones that will ultimately make you happier
walktheline Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 I appreciate the advice and support. This girl wasn't some random I met at a bar, it was someone I worked with for 3 months that I saw daily and talked to daily before we even started dating. At minimum we were friends and I guess I expect a little more honesty from someone that I talked to daily before dating and then every day for the past 3 weeks until things suddenly went cold with absolutely no explanation. I sent her the email, not to get her back or to make her feel bad, (there were a couple lines at the end where I told her to stick with her school and wished her luck etc. that I didn't copy.) I sent the email to end things on my own terms. If she wants to see me again she can, but I want her to know that I'm not going to wait around waiting for her to call or text me after every time she says she does and doesn't follow through. Did I have some emotion involved in our relationship? Sure, I liked her and we were coworkers/friends before we even dated. That's why I wish she would be comfortable enough to tell me if she doesn't like me instead of playing this I'm too busy game to talk to you anymore. If she really still liked me a single text or a short phone call would clear this all up. She definitely had no issue calling me before when she was "busy" and out with friends, so I don't really believe all the excuses she's given me now. Like I said I just wanted to end this on my own terms. In fact before I went to bed I deleted all her pics she sent me and her phone number out of my phone. I don't have it memorized so no temptation. She also lives an hour away so there's an extremely small chance that I'll ever see her again, another plus. Thanks for the advice and support it is appreciated and you're right eminem did say it best.
bitteorca Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 This girl wasn't some random I met at a bar, it was someone I worked with for 3 months that I saw daily and talked to daily before we even started dating. In fact before I went to bed I deleted all her pics she sent me and her phone number out of my phone. I don't have it memorized so no temptation. She also lives an hour away so there's an extremely small chance that I'll ever see her again, another plus. . Firstly, 3 months is not a long time in the grand scheme of things. It feels like you know them well at the time, but you don't really know someone in that period of time. You've just learned something about her that you don't like anyway. Its tough at first, but trust me you will move on, I've just gone through something very similar to you with similar timescales etc. Well done for deleting her phone number, seriously. I did this, and deleted her off facebook, then deleted all her mates off facebook. Best thing I've ever done, I'd be moving on at snail pace if it wasn't for doing these things. Just as an example of how you move on, I think you commented on my thread about another girl. She added me on facebook. It probably will never materialise into anything, but the world moves on like that. I'm now involving myself with smoking hot girls, and you will too! Be happy that you learned this about her, and had the opportunity to end it on your terms (always a good thing IMO if you're SURE it's crumbling...pre-emptive ending is a poor show though!), and that this subsequently gives you the opportunity to meet other girls who are probably more suited to you/show more interest Good luck, try not to think about things too much! Rumination is a killer, I do it myself....best thing to do is just think 'STOP!' in your mind, suprisingly works Oh also, are you the original poster but with a different username?!
amerikajin Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 (edited) I appreciate the advice and support. This girl wasn't some random I met at a bar, it was someone I worked with for 3 months that I saw daily and talked to daily before we even started dating. At minimum we were friends and I guess I expect a little more honesty from someone that I talked to daily before dating and then every day for the past 3 weeks until things suddenly went cold with absolutely no explanation. I sent her the email, not to get her back or to make her feel bad, (there were a couple lines at the end where I told her to stick with her school and wished her luck etc. that I didn't copy.) I sent the email to end things on my own terms. If she wants to see me again she can, but I want her to know that I'm not going to wait around waiting for her to call or text me after every time she says she does and doesn't follow through. Did I have some emotion involved in our relationship? Sure, I liked her and we were coworkers/friends before we even dated. That's why I wish she would be comfortable enough to tell me if she doesn't like me instead of playing this I'm too busy game to talk to you anymore. If she really still liked me a single text or a short phone call would clear this all up. She definitely had no issue calling me before when she was "busy" and out with friends, so I don't really believe all the excuses she's given me now. Like I said I just wanted to end this on my own terms. In fact before I went to bed I deleted all her pics she sent me and her phone number out of my phone. I don't have it memorized so no temptation. She also lives an hour away so there's an extremely small chance that I'll ever see her again, another plus. Thanks for the advice and support it is appreciated and you're right eminem did say it best. I understand what you mean, and I used to do the same thing. But the truth is that relationships are kinda like life itself: they rarely end on the terms that people desire. You have to go into it thinking that, if it dies, it dies. That doesn't mean you can't have emotions or that you shouldn't be bummed out about it, but it means that you just keep moving no matter what and don't stay upset about it for long, because you're doing your own thing. You only start to care seriously about a relationship when you've dated someone who's consistently showing you interest and respect - over a period of at least a month or more. Edited January 4, 2011 by amerikajin
walktheline Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 Oh also, are you the original poster but with a different username?! Haha...no I'm not the OP with a different username. It was just bizarre how similar our situations are and how the responses from the girl have been nearly identical. Either that or we're dating the same one, then ICE has got some explaining to do! I'm trying to keep positive bout the situation, in hindsight some of the wording seems a little harsh in the email, but I'm still fine with sending it. And I feel like I left it open enough that if she truly liked me she can still call me, but there would have to be a very serious talk before I would decide on seeing her again. In the end I'm moving on and hoping to run into this other girl in the next couple of days and maybe ask her out to dinner. We'll see, things change so rapidly it's impossibly to predict where you'll end up.
missdependant Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 Hi, Long story short.... Just met this new gf 1 month ago. She was texting me all the time and was always quick to reply with really sweet stuff. We hung out quite alot during the first 2.5 weeks. However, lately she barely texts me and takes forever to reply (same day though) I don't know if she is losing interest or what. The other day I didnt text her all day and was not going to until she texted me. I finally got a text at 5:00 pm that sad "Hi". Am I reading way to much into this? Should I start distancing myself and just let her initiate? I don't want her to think that I'm not interested but I don't want to come off as needy. Seems like shes gone from hot to cold. Need some advice please. Yep. She's definitely losing interest. Yes, let her initiate.
walktheline Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 I feel like I've taken over ICE's thread, so sorry man Well, she called me which completely shocked the ***** out of me. We had a good 15 min talk about things and it turns out she had been busy with her own life so much that she hadn't even really talked to anyone including her best friend for the past couple of days. We both discussed what we wanted out of this, whatever it is right now and came to an agreement. She still likes me she says and wants to see me again, it's just going to have to be when we can make the time. I'm fine with that as she too isn't looking for a serious relationship right now either. So we'll see, I told her she could call me back if she wanted as we only talked briefly before her night class started and that if she didn't that's fine I'd talk to her sometime later in the week. In the end that's all I really wanted. I'm not going to bend over backwards for me and I don't expect the same out of her either. So for now things are better and I guess I'll see where it goes. I'm going to try really hard not to invest a lot of emotion back into it, but at least I know how she feels. Thanks again for listening, advice and support. And ICE911 I really hope that you get what you want out of your situation, thanks for letting me jack your thread.
Author ICE911 Posted January 5, 2011 Author Posted January 5, 2011 I feel like I've taken over ICE's thread, so sorry man Well, she called me which completely shocked the ***** out of me. We had a good 15 min talk about things and it turns out she had been busy with her own life so much that she hadn't even really talked to anyone including her best friend for the past couple of days. We both discussed what we wanted out of this, whatever it is right now and came to an agreement. She still likes me she says and wants to see me again, it's just going to have to be when we can make the time. I'm fine with that as she too isn't looking for a serious relationship right now either. So we'll see, I told her she could call me back if she wanted as we only talked briefly before her night class started and that if she didn't that's fine I'd talk to her sometime later in the week. In the end that's all I really wanted. I'm not going to bend over backwards for me and I don't expect the same out of her either. So for now things are better and I guess I'll see where it goes. I'm going to try really hard not to invest a lot of emotion back into it, but at least I know how she feels. Thanks again for listening, advice and support. And ICE911 I really hope that you get what you want out of your situation, thanks for letting me jack your thread. --------------------------------------------------------------- WALKTHELINE, No worries for jacking the thread. I'm just glad the thread has helped you out and that you have some piece with your situation. As for me i sent the gf a simple text today asking if she wanted to get together at some point this week. Her reply was basically...if time permits. lol. So I just said hmmmm...ic. That spiraled into me asking why she has been so distant. She said she thought she was ready to date but is real confused about everything. She has had a very tough time letting me get close to her as well as intimate because she has been through hell and back with bad relationships and marriage (which all men cheated on her). My guess is that she is afraid to let her guard down because of previous relationships. I told her that I like her alot and care for her and that i will basically back off and give her space and that I like her even with all the emotional issues. I said I can be beyond patient only if she thinks I am someone that she wants to be with and will basically go at her speed and not rush anything(even though she rushed things in the beginning). So basically the ball is in her court big time and hopefully when I give her her space she will come around and let me in. Basically not gonna hold my breath and just see what happens. She will have to initiate everything from this point on.
bitteorca Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 I feel like I've taken over ICE's thread, so sorry man Well, she called me which completely shocked the ***** out of me. We had a good 15 min talk about things and it turns out she had been busy with her own life so much that she hadn't even really talked to anyone including her best friend for the past couple of days. We both discussed what we wanted out of this, whatever it is right now and came to an agreement. She still likes me she says and wants to see me again, it's just going to have to be when we can make the time. I'm fine with that as she too isn't looking for a serious relationship right now either. So we'll see, I told her she could call me back if she wanted as we only talked briefly before her night class started and that if she didn't that's fine I'd talk to her sometime later in the week. In the end that's all I really wanted. I'm not going to bend over backwards for me and I don't expect the same out of her either. So for now things are better and I guess I'll see where it goes. I'm going to try really hard not to invest a lot of emotion back into it, but at least I know how she feels. Thanks again for listening, advice and support. And ICE911 I really hope that you get what you want out of your situation, thanks for letting me jack your thread. walktheline...tell me if I'm wrong with any of this... I've read some of your posts here, and elsewhere (I think) You have said you don't want a serious relationship with her, but is this how you truly feel? If you don't want one with her, then do you want one with someone (the right person)? If so, are you seeing other people? I just don't know why you are bothering with this one? and it is also obviously causing a certain degree of stress, else you wouldn't be posting on here, lets be honest. You seem like an intelligent guy to me, and you don't struggle to get dates etc. Are you being true to yourself here? Being true to what you really want out of dating someone?
daphne Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 Women want to be pursued. However, it's an artificial kind of relationship if you start off texting or calling daily. There's a feeling of intimacy, but you shouldn't have that yet anyway because your'e just getting to know each other. The last guy I went out with, called every day sometimes 3 times a day. And texted throughout. Yet we had very little face time. It was a turn off for a few reasons. He was clearly needy, and wanted to have a pretend relationship to ease his loneliness (recent divorce.) Secondly, because he was getting this need met, he wasn't as motivated to actually spend time with me because he had already taken me for granted. One of the weirdest dating experiences ever but it illustrated to me that I don't want an overly communicative experience up front. Current guy I've started seeing doesn't text often and only calls once a week. It's brief. But the dates are well thought out, sweet and a lot of fun. After our first date, I looked forward to seeing him again. I like that he's making me wait a little. He's busy, and has a life. And I get all the good stuff at once. Whereas with teh last guy, it wasn't fun at all. I resented his weirdness and neediness and lack of ability to come up with a fun plan for us to date. Slow build up and letting a girl get excited about seeing you again is one key to attraction. You don't have to be mean or gamey to do it. Just make her earn your time a little. You should have a lot of other productive and fun things going on in your life. Text her every day and what does she have to look forward to? You're probably the same way too.
Author ICE911 Posted January 5, 2011 Author Posted January 5, 2011 Women want to be pursued. However, it's an artificial kind of relationship if you start off texting or calling daily. There's a feeling of intimacy, but you shouldn't have that yet anyway because your'e just getting to know each other. The last guy I went out with, called every day sometimes 3 times a day. And texted throughout. Yet we had very little face time. It was a turn off for a few reasons. He was clearly needy, and wanted to have a pretend relationship to ease his loneliness (recent divorce.) Secondly, because he was getting this need met, he wasn't as motivated to actually spend time with me because he had already taken me for granted. One of the weirdest dating experiences ever but it illustrated to me that I don't want an overly communicative experience up front. Current guy I've started seeing doesn't text often and only calls once a week. It's brief. But the dates are well thought out, sweet and a lot of fun. After our first date, I looked forward to seeing him again. I like that he's making me wait a little. He's busy, and has a life. And I get all the good stuff at once. Whereas with teh last guy, it wasn't fun at all. I resented his weirdness and neediness and lack of ability to come up with a fun plan for us to date. Slow build up and letting a girl get excited about seeing you again is one key to attraction. You don't have to be mean or gamey to do it. Just make her earn your time a little. You should have a lot of other productive and fun things going on in your life. Text her every day and what does she have to look forward to? You're probably the same way too. ________________________________________________________ I prefer to schedule dates then to spend all time texting. It is ok to shoot a text here and there but much better to arrange a date and get er done. FYI my current gf has never been a fan of picking up the phone and calling. She has always texted. Not my style...I prefer at least a phone call
no_clue Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 --------------------------------------------------------------- WALKTHELINE, No worries for jacking the thread. I'm just glad the thread has helped you out and that you have some piece with your situation. As for me i sent the gf a simple text today asking if she wanted to get together at some point this week. Her reply was basically...if time permits. lol. So I just said hmmmm...ic. That spiraled into me asking why she has been so distant. She said she thought she was ready to date but is real confused about everything. She has had a very tough time letting me get close to her as well as intimate because she has been through hell and back with bad relationships and marriage (which all men cheated on her). My guess is that she is afraid to let her guard down because of previous relationships. I told her that I like her alot and care for her and that i will basically back off and give her space and that I like her even with all the emotional issues. I said I can be beyond patient only if she thinks I am someone that she wants to be with and will basically go at her speed and not rush anything(even though she rushed things in the beginning). So basically the ball is in her court big time and hopefully when I give her her space she will come around and let me in. Basically not gonna hold my breath and just see what happens. She will have to initiate everything from this point on. Wow thats pretty much the same thing happening to me as you and walktheline, except we are younger and its a little different... crazy
bitteorca Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 Wow thats pretty much the same thing happening to me as you and walktheline, except we are younger and its a little different... crazy I think this kind of thing happens a lot. Happens with me. Just be warned though, space and time usually mean the end of things. I'd seriously just leave her alone now and concentrate your efforts elsewhere. Its all good blaming this on emotional difficulties due to past relationships, but thats focusing on process rather than outcome. The outcome is that she doesn't know what she wants. It probably means she is not that into you (sorry if that sounds brutal, I don't mean it in a nasty way, and trust me I know that its hard to hear that when you're going through something like this!) because she would probably want to work through it if she deemed you worth it. I am only saying this because I have gone through exactly the same. She had emotional baggage, not due to past relationships with partners, but with family. You just have to ask yourself do you want to be put through all that yourself? Be true to what you want, focus on your needs first
Author ICE911 Posted January 5, 2011 Author Posted January 5, 2011 I think this kind of thing happens a lot. Happens with me. Just be warned though, space and time usually mean the end of things. I'd seriously just leave her alone now and concentrate your efforts elsewhere. Its all good blaming this on emotional difficulties due to past relationships, but thats focusing on process rather than outcome. The outcome is that she doesn't know what she wants. It probably means she is not that into you (sorry if that sounds brutal, I don't mean it in a nasty way, and trust me I know that its hard to hear that when you're going through something like this!) because she would probably want to work through it if she deemed you worth it. I am only saying this because I have gone through exactly the same. She had emotional baggage, not due to past relationships with partners, but with family. You just have to ask yourself do you want to be put through all that yourself? Be true to what you want, focus on your needs first ___________________________________________________________ I am leaving her alone now. She knows where I stand so there is no point in me trying to chase. I do not and will not chase anyone who can't reciprocate the same feelings that I put in. That being said I got a text this morning saying "good morning". I replied with a short text...and we continued texting for about 5 min of small talk. That was where that ended and I just left it at that. If she wants to be with me then she will have to see on her own what she is missing and that wont be done by me chasing.
bitteorca Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 ___________________________________________________________ I am leaving her alone now. She knows where I stand so there is no point in me trying to chase. I do not and will not chase anyone who can't reciprocate the same feelings that I put in. That being said I got a text this morning saying "good morning". I replied with a short text...and we continued texting for about 5 min of small talk. That was where that ended and I just left it at that. If she wants to be with me then she will have to see on her own what she is missing and that wont be done by me chasing. Good on you man. Make sure you stick to this and you should be fine whatever the outcome is
walktheline Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 walktheline...tell me if I'm wrong with any of this... I've read some of your posts here, and elsewhere (I think) You have said you don't want a serious relationship with her, but is this how you truly feel? If you don't want one with her, then do you want one with someone (the right person)? If so, are you seeing other people? I just don't know why you are bothering with this one? and it is also obviously causing a certain degree of stress, else you wouldn't be posting on here, lets be honest. You seem like an intelligent guy to me, and you don't struggle to get dates etc. Are you being true to yourself here? Being true to what you really want out of dating someone? I would like a serious relationship with the right person. Whether or not she's the right one I don't know yet. I believe very few people experience love at first sight and very few people know after initially meeting someone if they could be "the one." Could I see myself in a serious relationship with her? Sure. Right now though I know that's not possible. Her work and class schedule conflicts with mine right now and I'm willing to give her a chance to settle into her new routine of a new job, with crazy hours like mine and the added factor of being a full time student. Hopefully things will calm down soon to where we can make plans more regularly than we are now. I too felt that maybe we had a little too much contact in the beginning. But I'm not talking bout hour long conversations on the phone and texting all day long. For the most part it was short texts and/or phone calls just to talk. We both enjoy talking to each other, in fact that's all we did one night on my couch before either of us realized 2 hours had passed. If two people enjoy each other's company I don't see too much talking as being a bad thing, unless it interferes with your life. I would never call her 3 times a day though, that's kind of ridiculous. I don't think I called my ex-wife 3 times a day working 12-14 hour shifts. In the end, right now this is enough for me. She likes me and I like her and we both know if we don't hear from one another for a day or two that's fine. If I start having stronger feelings for her then I will have to decide whether the limited time she has for me due to work and school will be a deal breaker or not. Right now I'm hoping that in 2 weeks we can go out to a movie and hit the bars afterwards. She says she's up for it, so we'll see. I've only texted her a few times today and mostly because right now I'm on a hospital floor with my mom who's having medical problems. Apparently this site does give me a little stress relief.
Author ICE911 Posted January 7, 2011 Author Posted January 7, 2011 Good on you man. Make sure you stick to this and you should be fine whatever the outcome is _______________________________________________________________ I just hope she is not pissed off at me ....expecting me to call or text. I just don't want to blow any chance, if I even have one. Last text was yesterday around 10:00 am. Hopefully she will text.
Author ICE911 Posted January 7, 2011 Author Posted January 7, 2011 Havent texted the gf since Wednesday morning and got a text this morning saying have a good weekend. It seems she is upset that I havent texted her since Wednesday and doesnt know what to think. I said I was not ignoring her and that I know I would like for us to see each and see if something solid can develop. Then I asked her if she feels the same way? She said I guess thats something we will have to save for discussion. God I'm confused.
walktheline Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 Havent texted the gf since Wednesday morning and got a text this morning saying have a good weekend. It seems she is upset that I havent texted her since Wednesday and doesnt know what to think. I said I was not ignoring her and that I know I would like for us to see each and see if something solid can develop. Then I asked her if she feels the same way? She said I guess thats something we will have to save for discussion. God I'm confused. Dude, just call this girl! Find out when she's home or when she has the time to have a serious discussion and CALL HER! Stop texting unless it's to set up this phone call. Tell her what your expectations are and ask her what hers are and see if you can come to some type of agreement. I've found that texts leave a lot up to interpretation between 2 people, especially if they're new in a relationship. Just make sure you know what you are going to say and make sure you let her respond. Good luck, it sounds like she is just as confused as you are!
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