BlindRage Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 (edited) I'm feel my body has given up. I feel the distance between my ex and her un-carryingness for me. I'm not even hungry anymore. All my family member in my house have offered me food and to take me out to eat but my head can't contemplate with that right now. I haven't even felt hungry in nearly a week and I haven't eaten either. I feel I'm slowly killing myself with starvation and sleeping pills. I miss my girlfriend. I wish she would give me the opportunity to show her I love her. I wish she would care for me. I wish she still loved me. If anyone looked in my eyes you could tell I'm already dead inside. I don't know what to do. I feel like I should kill myself. The only reason I'm still alive is I'm scared that my mom suffer for my lose. My whole body tingles now, my palms feel like needles inside my skin. Edited January 1, 2011 by BlindRage
J0N Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 Dude you should should seek help. Seriously, no girl is worth killing yourself over.
D78 Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 BlindRage, I have the same thing about not being hungry. You have to force yourself to eat at least once a day (preferably more). You can't think straight without fueling your body. Maybe for a few days you could try (1) eating and (2) going out for a 15 minute walk. See if you feel any better. Your mom will definitely suffer if you kill yourself. She is probably suffering now, watching you go through this. You're torturing yourself. I agree with J0N that you need to get help. The new year is the perfect time to start getting better. Wishing you the best.
bernardverh Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 Me and so many others have been in this phase, maybe a bit less extreme, or maybe more extreme. I recognize the not eating problem, sleeping problem, suicide thoughts. Even thought you don't want to believe this now, force yourself to tell you that there will come a better time. You will be happy again in your life. The best thing to do is to force yourself to think about other things. Remove everything that reminds you of her. Start reading a book or do other things. Every time you catch your mind of thinking of the situation, force yourself away from it. After forcing it for a while it will get better and you will get hungry again. Things can only get better now.
Author BlindRage Posted January 2, 2011 Author Posted January 2, 2011 I'm wayy taller than 4 feet. I just hate myself for everything that has happened. I hate my emotions for carrying about someone I'm nothing to. I texted her this and asked for her help but she ignores my calls and texts. It just encourages me that theres nothing worth living for anymore. I'm scared
SDA Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 Buddy, this is normal. Time time time time time. It will pass keep that in mind. You got to let her go, you have too it's the only thing that will make everything better. Don't say you want to kill yourself. When my girl broke it off I was at college overloaded with work from finals, my good friend died, and I was 3 hours away from home. I didn't know how I was gonna make it 3 weeks with everything going on in my life. But I got through it. You will too. Eat and drink water. Enough with the sleeping pills. Let your body relax. Go talk to somebody. Cry. Everything is going to be ok everyone on here promises you that. Everything will be fine.
2010_Sorry Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 Please go seek help from a professional. Getting adequate sleep and eating properly is important for your healing. A professional will be able to help get you on the right track.... Stop leaning on the xgf, start reaching out to family, friends and keep up the LS posts. Hang in there... it WILL get better!!
D78 Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 If you really think there's nothing to live for, you must seek help ASAP. Your mom cares about you - you should ask her for help (not your ex). You can't think rationally because you don't eat or sleep. I know it's hard to take care of yourself right now, but it's not as hard as living in the condition you're living in. I promise you that no person is worth causing yourself this much pain.
sedgwick Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 If you are a grown man and you are down to 98 lbs, you are in imminent danger of heart attack or organ failure. When was the last time you saw a doctor?
skydiveaddict Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 I texted her this and asked for her help but she ignores my calls and texts. It just encourages me that theres nothing worth living for anymore. I'm scared Stop texting her, and don't be afraid. You will be ok. I have felt EXACTLY like you do now. As a matter of fact I don't feel so great either. The holidays are the worst. Your heart has been smashed to bits. It takes a long time to recover. I'm still not over it either. But life is worth way more than this girl. You must hang tough, you will make it. And Sedgwick is right, go see a doc. about this. I had to.
Feelin Frisky Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 If you don't want your mother to suffer your loss, please realize that your negelect of yourself is as deadly as killing yourself outright--you are letting yourself die and your mom will feel every bit the loss as if you had hurried the whole thing up with suicide. Neglect IS suicide too. Please. please, please call 911 immediately and tell them you are a danger to yourself. Tell them you are unarmed (if you are) and are no threat to anyone but yourself. You can't be thinking straight right now. You need people to help you make better decisions right now until you start thinking more clearly. No one is worth letting yourself die for. Come back to life. Come back to life. Call for help immediately. Your weight is too low and you are malnourished. You will get better sooner than you think possible. The health workers will give you nutrition. You will be safe. You won't regret taking this step. Choose life. Call immediately. Please.
Hades Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 I'm feel my body has given up. I feel the distance between my ex and her un-carryingness for me. I'm not even hungry anymore. All my family member in my house have offered me food and to take me out to eat but my head can't contemplate with that right now. I haven't even felt hungry in nearly a week and I haven't eaten either. I feel I'm slowly killing myself with starvation and sleeping pills. I miss my girlfriend. I wish she would give me the opportunity to show her I love her. I wish she would care for me. I wish she still loved me. If anyone looked in my eyes you could tell I'm already dead inside. I don't know what to do. I feel like I should kill myself. The only reason I'm still alive is I'm scared that my mom suffer for my lose. My whole body tingles now, my palms feel like needles inside my skin. Seek professional help immediately! Don't you see? Real, true love shouldn't be so difficult. So painful. Read 1 Corinthians 13, for real! Pray, pray and pray! I will lift you in prayer.
paleblue Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 What the others have said. Getting hurt by someone really sucks, but this is going too far. Your ex is not worth killing yourself over. 98lbs is not good. You are going to wind up in the hospital on IV. Snap out of it. You have to eat.
Woggle Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 She is not worth it. Why should you do this to yourself over a woman?
IfiKnewThen Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 dear blindrage i really feel your pain reading your posts. i am sorry for all you are suffering. i promise this WILL pass. you need to seriously believe that. i know what its like to hate to get up everyday and the shock of having your life as you knew it turned upside down. but it WILL become right side up again. one day at a time is all any of us really have in reality. just get through the day and make it the happiest day in any small possible way you can and even the tiniest things will add up. of course you have to see someone about your physical health and ask them where do you go from here. but if you can drink ensures for substance and calories and vitamins and its ok'd for you. maybe you can start with that. try to keep a routine too. something you know you can count on everyday. a good program/show, a shower, a hug from a neighbor or friend. a time you go to sleep. eat pray love, basics. i have been doing the opposite while grieving...eating like a horse. and gaining rapid weight. its nervous unsatifying eating. we all react differently when depressed. 98 lbs sounds like a red alert and being weak adds to feeling even more depressed , limp and hopeless. so its soooooooooooo important to build up your strength because there WILL absolutely be better days and a BETTER life ahead for you before you know. thats why its so important to not give into this and fight for the quality of life you deserve. there WILL be a better surprise as hard it it may sound, around the corner...so hang in there one day at a time. we are not promised tomorrow. you can not think of the future in terms of bad stuff. you have this ONE day that you really know of for sure and remember that..so you dont overwhelm yourself. baby steps one day at a time with your heart. this feeling WILL heal. we get attached to others more than we really need them..like we think and feel we do, in a sense. dont think the worst. we never know how things are going to end up. she is not talking to you now BUT that doesnt have to be a forever and you MUST not make her that powerful. i know what its like to wish they would feel what we feel as i read in your posts. because its so mind boggling how it appears that they completely and utterly detached themselves from us and our pain.yes thats shocking but pity them for not knowing the deeper love we know we were capable of feeling. also for every seemingly cold person out there.. there are good warm caring people , who do love and need us in their live and they are more worth your heart. take care of yourself hang in there. young and old we all feel heart pain..but i can promise you if you are young there will be more to come and you will find a greater love. i agree with the poster who kinda eluded to tossing the sleeping pills. you need rest but your body really needs good things that comes from nutrician. start to surround yourself with all the things that made you the strong you before. any supportive family and friends or good hobbies. i know this isnt going to heal a broken heart over night..but it does chip away at the bad and begin to replace this horrible feeling with GOOD again and reminds the brain and senses of hope because there IS HOPE. you need daily affirmations and you need to tell your brain the good and one step at a time and one day at a time. yes talk to a trusted professional. if you believe in God ..pray. and please try what it says in the bible when we are down. it says let the weak say I AM STRONG. and it also says he is close to the broken hearted and binds up their wounds. it talks about turning the other cheek and in TIME forgiveness. put it to the test. try those principles but dont give up. you have been an asset with your advise too. i know your feeling down bad. and i know you can do it too. please trust and believe in yourself. again please ONE day at a time. its so much more manageable. there is healing past this. ride the wave for now and get physcially stronger. everything begins with a thought. think GOOD thoughts. and when you get time read mcgruffs. blog here i will look for the site for you. please write back to us and let us know how you are doing. GOD bless. you are not alone here at LS
Mrlonelyone Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 I say this comming from a place of support and genuine concern. You should call your local suicide prevention hotline and tell them what you are feeling. If you are 98 lbs, and want to kill yourself you need what they will do for you. There are ways of getting through this sort of major depression. It's a disease. Like other diseases we have medical and theraputic treatments for it. The kind of suffering you are having can be treated with anti depressant meds. Get into therapy and talk with a professional about all of this. There is no shame in reaching out for the help that's out there.
Author BlindRage Posted January 2, 2011 Author Posted January 2, 2011 Thank you guys for your concern. Last night after reading replies from many of you I felt I had to eat and I went to get food . Today I'm not feeling my best. I had a dream about her this night. In the dream she was with someone else and I instantly woke up and started my emotional pity. What I'm doing to help myself is think someday I'll find true love. I want love from someone who can actually offer me the same amount I give them and not cheat on me. Again, thanks for helping me get the motive to eat. I also cut the sleeping pills last night. I couldn't fall asleep until nearly 5:00 a.m. I guess I grew dependent on them
IfiKnewThen Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 Great start. Good job!! keep going !!! praise God
Good Arms Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 Good for you BlindRage. I had a dream about my ex last night too... whatever the subject, it's always painful. In this one we were back together again. It felt awful to wake up in the morning and she wasn't there. You're not alone in this, these forums wouldn't exist if there weren't people all around the world feeling the same pain and hurt. Just try and keep up that vision of the future - you'll find someone deserving of you when you're ready again. Try and accept she wasn't the one, however much it hurts now. Keep busy, take each day as it comes, stay on NC and look after yourself. Don't be ashamed to ask for help from family, professionals or friends if you feel you need it. It'll take time for all of us but we'll get there.
bl22 Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 Hey Buddy Theres 2 directions you can go here. The direction you are heading, self destruction or...you can use this whole situation as motivation to be a better you. It will take more effort, it will take time, it will take you getting up of your arse and stop feeling sorry for yourself but you CAN get there. It is surely possible for you to put your life back on track and be someone you can be proud off and trust me when you get there, you wont even think of your ex...and if you do, you will laugh at the fact she left you. Dont take the easy route here, put your life back on track. If your missing your ex, theres no way on earth shes going to want you in this state...nobody would!! Not even you ....now if you MUST...use that as motivation for now 'I need to get better for my ex'...BUT PLease stop contacting her...dont contact her. When you've regained some confidence in yourself, you will realise whats more important....doing this for YOURSELF. Believe me you have the power to transform everything you dont like about your life, with effort and time. Everyone goes through what you are going through, myself included. I have faith in you now EAT SOMETHING! And no crap...dont binge on ice cream or booze cause it will only make you feel worse.
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