TheGrimSweeper Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 We broke up just over a month ago, just before our 2 year anniversary. I went NC immediately learning from the last time as we have broken up once before. Was NC for about a month, then I left a Christmas card for her, she got it said thanks and wanted to give me a gift she had for me. It never worked out where we met, but she left me a long note, saying how she thought I had hated her and wanted nothing to do with her after the breakup then got the card. She said sorry for a lot of things she did in the relationship (pouring all her problems on me)) and said just needed time to get over her parents who are seperating and be happy with herself (she was really depressed for awhile). Telling me she can't be happy with anyone till she is with herself. We talked for a little bit back and forth she just started therapy for all this. MY question is why after a month does it seem to be getting worse and not better.. Maybe cause we just talked? I don't know, but somedays I cant take it. It just feels like its over for good which is hitting me really hard.
Karma20 Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 I hate to break it to you but it usually gets harder before it gets easier. Hang in there
Author TheGrimSweeper Posted January 1, 2011 Author Posted January 1, 2011 Thanks Rosa, ive been spending tons of time with Friends, and I'm alright then but when I'm alone is when its killer. I stupidly looked at her Facebook and saw the "best new years ever post". I know in my head it over but I just cant accept that.
Author TheGrimSweeper Posted January 1, 2011 Author Posted January 1, 2011 Man block her on facebook now. that was the very first thing I did when my ex and I broke up. I knew I wouldn't be able to handle stuff like that. you need to do the same. for your own good man please block her. At least for now. I have her blocked from my newsfeed just need to build up the willpower to never look at her profile.
Adi Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 It gets worse, because at the start, you are filled with false hope, you are now realising. wait for the depression.
J0N Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 Same boat. I think it may be new years. I am kinda lonely now too. It is wierd to think that she is now a stranger to me. We haven't spoken in over three months.
Author TheGrimSweeper Posted January 2, 2011 Author Posted January 2, 2011 Same boat. I think it may be new years. I am kinda lonely now too. It is wierd to think that she is now a stranger to me. We haven't spoken in over three months. I know the stranger feeling that's how it starting to get between us. We have an understanding now after we sent a few messages back and forth few days ago. She feels she needs to go out and experience life on her own for a bit and be her by herself and doesn't want to be in a relationship as she doesn't think shes ready yet. She said she understood why I cant be friends but kept saying stuff like, "i hope one day we can be friends, and if you ever need anything or want to talk im here and I hope I can talk to you soon". Even saying if I have any girl problems I can even talk to her about that. Which that obviously is never going to happen. I know if I go down the friend route that's all will ever be and that's not what I want so its never going to happen. So we ended on a good note, I didn't stop her, told her when shes ready she can come talk to me and maybe we can start something up again. But it still sucks so much, only been a month but feels like I hardly know her now. I've been reading a lot about Bi-Polar disorder, I have a feeling she has a mild form of it (along with her mother).
J0N Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 Yes, I understand. We also ended peacefully and she gave me the whole "I don't want you totally out of my life" but I nicely told her I was stepping back for a while, aka never speaking to her again. I can't be friends with somebody that I still love. Maybe years down the road, but for now I just need to be on my own. No rebounds, I want to fully 'heal' before I start dating again.
Author TheGrimSweeper Posted January 2, 2011 Author Posted January 2, 2011 Yes, I understand. We also ended peacefully and she gave me the whole "I don't want you totally out of my life" but I nicely told her I was stepping back for a while, aka never speaking to her again. I can't be friends with somebody that I still love. Maybe years down the road, but for now I just need to be on my own. No rebounds, I want to fully 'heal' before I start dating again. Shes probably waiting for you to make the move to initiate contact again. I have a feeling mine will as well. That's the part that bugs me, feeling like its on me to do something.
Author TheGrimSweeper Posted January 2, 2011 Author Posted January 2, 2011 It gets worse. I know its going too. Im trying to sign up for a lot of stuff to keep me busy.
Graceful Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 Hey Grim, I gotta go with the consensus. It's not an "event" - it's a "process" and it's going to take your emotions for a ride that you don't like for a while. It's partly that reality starts to set it (it's really over), partly that your routines really change and everything you do also changes, and it's certainly all this holiday nostalgia that has come to an end, and I say, YAY!! at least to that!! It does help to keep busy. It does help to take care of yourself. You're a guy so I don't know what you do to treat yourself, new music, maybe? Or a gadget you've been wanting that you can afford. For me, as a girl, I go out and buy myself some girly thing like a new pair of earrings, and while that doesn't heal my psyche, it does make me feel better, even if just for a little while. Don't bank on being friends. Everyone says that, and it's nice in theory, but you have to go your own way and live your life. But do be "friends" in your head b/c that's much better than being bitter. You're doing pretty well, it's only been a month, and while it feels like an eternity, it's going to take a lot longer than that to ease your way out of a 2-year relationship. Take it easy.
Good Arms Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 But do be "friends" in your head b/c that's much better than being bitter. That's a really nice sentiment, Grace.
J0N Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 Shes probably waiting for you to make the move to initiate contact again. I have a feeling mine will as well. That's the part that bugs me, feeling like its on me to do something. I saw your post a little while ago, I thought about it for a while and I have decided that I am not going to contact her. If she can go 3 months of NC without so much as looking back; then I think it is time that I do the same. It won't be easy but I need to start phasing her out of my mind. Should be easy... Haha
Author TheGrimSweeper Posted January 2, 2011 Author Posted January 2, 2011 (edited) I saw your post a little while ago, I thought about it for a while and I have decided that I am not going to contact her. If she can go 3 months of NC without so much as looking back; then I think it is time that I do the same. It won't be easy but I need to start phasing her out of my mind. Should be easy... Haha That definitely is the best thing you can do. What was the final thing said between you two? Mine contacted me today on FB Chat saying Happy New Years and she hoped I had a good one.I just replied short and sweet "we did for sure, hope your was good too". She replied saying "it was a really random night" obviously she wanted to get into a more detailed conversation but i just left it at that. Edited January 2, 2011 by TheGrimSweeper
J0N Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 It was over gmail chat. She said that she didn't want me entirely out of her life then I said that I was going to step back for a while, she responded with you will always hold a place in my heart, I said you too. Then I responded with good bye x. That was over 3 months ago. After three weeks, she mailed me back some stuff. Other than that I haven't heard a peep.
Author TheGrimSweeper Posted January 2, 2011 Author Posted January 2, 2011 Hey Grim, I gotta go with the consensus. It's not an "event" - it's a "process" and it's going to take your emotions for a ride that you don't like for a while. It's partly that reality starts to set it (it's really over), partly that your routines really change and everything you do also changes, and it's certainly all this holiday nostalgia that has come to an end, and I say, YAY!! at least to that!! It does help to keep busy. It does help to take care of yourself. You're a guy so I don't know what you do to treat yourself, new music, maybe? Or a gadget you've been wanting that you can afford. For me, as a girl, I go out and buy myself some girly thing like a new pair of earrings, and while that doesn't heal my psyche, it does make me feel better, even if just for a little while. Don't bank on being friends. Everyone says that, and it's nice in theory, but you have to go your own way and live your life. But do be "friends" in your head b/c that's much better than being bitter. You're doing pretty well, it's only been a month, and while it feels like an eternity, it's going to take a lot longer than that to ease your way out of a 2-year relationship. Take it easy. The holidays certainly didn't help anything after spending the past two Christmas's and new years with her which were so much fun. I've enrolled in a class for the winter and am planning on joining some running clubs and indoor soccer leagues to keep myself busy. I'm very active and training for my second half marathon and hopefully full marathon by next fall. Its also cause I want to meet more people. Most of my friends live about 40 minutes to an hour away, I only have a select few in the city I live in so I really only get to see them on weekends. Which makes for some very lonely weekday nights after work when I used to spend time with my ex. It was over gmail chat. She said that she didn't want me entirely out of her life then I said that I was going to step back for a while, she responded with you will always hold a place in my heart, I said you too. Then I responded with good bye x. That was over 3 months ago. After three weeks, she mailed me back some stuff. Other than that I haven't heard a peep. In her mind she is for sure waiting for you to make a move, but its not on you since she ended it. Maybe after a few more months she'll finally realize that but either way this is the best thing for getting over her.
J0N Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 Yes, as much as I want to call her. I am not, ultimately I know that this is what is best FOR ME. I still really miss her, ughhh
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