TopCop15 Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 This the behavior of my friends' kid, it is a shame because he was a loving little boy up until last year. His behavior has gotten so bad when I am there, that I really do not want to go visit them anymore because of how he acts. This is just a brief snippet of how he acts when I'm over. Constantly hits me in the back, face, arms, neck, etc.Bossing me around in a real hostile tone. "YOU SIT OVER THERE NOW!!Insults people calling them dumb and uglyHe sees me responding to a text on my phone, runs and tries to grab the phone out of my hand when I am still using it.Once I am done with the phone, I put it in my pocket. He still tries to grab it out of my pocket. As I try to stop him, he starts to hit and yells at me.Sees me playing (Or even just looking at) with one of his toys, grabs it out of my hands and yells at mePuts his hands over my throat and squeezesPlays guilt trips on his father (For example, his dad didn't want him playing the wii, the kid says, "Thats right, my dad doesn't love me, all he says is no."Says rather inappropriate things (Ex. "I'm going to poke you in the eye." "I am going to break your bones"Now, I know there are other examples of his misbehavior, but just typing these is getting me irritated. I am not sure if his acting out is because he's looking for attention. (His parents recently welcomed twins into the world). But then again, it might not be a cry for attention because he acted this way before they were even born. The sad thing about the violent nature is that he's taking karate. Seems to me like that is just giving him another way to push people around. He already is a bully. His parents are real good friends of mine and they are always asking if I can bring my 18 month old son over to play with their son. I am always hestiant because of how he acts when I am there. What if my son sees a toy he likes that belongs to the problem child and starts to play with it? I have this visual of my son getting yelled at, abused by this monster. If he puts his hands on my son's throat like he does to me, he could seriously injure my son. My question is what can my friends do? They do reprimand him when he acts out, but I think problem is they aren't very consistent. The father is more strict where the mother kind of pacifies his behavior. Their son is a little manipulative too, he knows if he pretends to act nice and sweet he'll get his way, but once he does, he goes back to being the spawn of Satan again. What can be done? Thanks for any help.
Keridan Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 First to answer the original question. No, not normal at all. That behavior is unusual and scary. I don't blame you for being nervous and I certainly wouldn't take my toddler over to see them when he was there. You say they reprimand him, but are they aware of how awful that behavior is? it doesn't just need a reprimand, it needs severe treatment. They can start with being consistent, but that might need counseling (both parents and child). Has he been checked for ADHD? That can cause some of those behaviors. At the very least, they need to consult someone and come up with some sort of action plan to correct it while he is still young. If he becomes a teenager with those behaviors, it's gonna get ugly. Since they are your friends, I would talk them directly about it. Don't just get uncomfortable and avoid seeing them when he is there. Let them know why. Tell them you are concerned for your child in the violent behaviors and certainly the influence. They are probably aware on some level, but need to be shown how serious it is. Good luck! Don't let this hurt your friendship, but don't let the problem hurt you or your friends, either!
lavendera Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 I had a very close friend years ago when we had our boys about the same time. It was great at first, until they got to be about 3 or 4 and her son started hitting, biting, kicking and screaming at my son. She did try to stop him, but always by scolding or isolating him. It did no good. Our friendship basically dissolved because she could not admit that her boy needed some help. I couldn't have my child around him. My son never fought back because he was gentle and quiet. I would have been irresponsible to keep putting him in that situation. Throughout high school, her son was arrested a couple of times for this and that. He ended up kind of a hard and scary guy. I've missed my friend now and then, but sometimes you just have to leave a situation to make it okay for your child. Your friend needs to get her son to a doctor. His behavior is totally out of line and he could use some help. She's in for years of struggle. If she's very close, you could tell her that and she'll move forward. I would just tell her that you're afraid to bring your little one over to her house any more and maybe you could meet for coffee when you need to spend time together. It could be the end of your friendship, but it will be worth it to save your child.
tinktronik Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 I had a very close friend years ago when we had our boys about the same time. It was great at first, until they got to be about 3 or 4 and her son started hitting, biting, kicking and screaming at my son. She did try to stop him, but always by scolding or isolating him. It did no good. Our friendship basically dissolved because she could not admit that her boy needed some help. I couldn't have my child around him. My son never fought back because he was gentle and quiet. I would have been irresponsible to keep putting him in that situation. Throughout high school, her son was arrested a couple of times for this and that. He ended up kind of a hard and scary guy. I've missed my friend now and then, but sometimes you just have to leave a situation to make it okay for your child. Your friend needs to get her son to a doctor. His behavior is totally out of line and he could use some help. She's in for years of struggle. If she's very close, you could tell her that and she'll move forward. I would just tell her that you're afraid to bring your little one over to her house any more and maybe you could meet for coffee when you need to spend time together. It could be the end of your friendship, but it will be worth it to save your child. I agree. OP you need to tell the mother in a calm way exactly what of her child behaviors scares you some. I would use the word scare as well. I have 3 boys, all rambunctious. One of my 3 has been aggressive in unusual ways but not anywhere as aggressive as the boy you describe).He receives therapy for it. Without the comparison by other mother's of children I may not have known to what extent my boy needed some help. Could you actually sit down privately and tell the mom a list of some things that frighten you some?
tinktronik Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 I also wanted to point out that it is very very probable that this boy is emulating some behaviors he is experiencing or viewing. Is it possible this boy's parent or parents are so stressed out over the addition of the twins that they are being violent or abusive with him when left alone? An older sibling perhaps?
NoLongerSad Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 Do NOT under any circumstances, EVER bring your child around this five year old. He WILL try to hurt him, badly. The five year old sounds like a bad seed--a natural born sociopath. In all likelihood he will grow up to be a full fledged criminal. On the other hand you can't let this little punk abuse you anymore. Either takes matters under control or disassociate yourself from the entire family. Something is seriously wrong not only with this kid, but with his family as well, but it's not your job to tolerate it, ignore it, or solve it. Find other people to hang out with.
Sandyinlove Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 Do NOT under any circumstances, EVER bring your child around this five year old. He WILL try to hurt him, badly. The five year old sounds like a bad seed--a natural born sociopath. In all likelihood he will grow up to be a full fledged criminal. On the other hand you can't let this little punk abuse you anymore. Either takes matters under control or disassociate yourself from the entire family. Something is seriously wrong not only with this kid, but with his family as well, but it's not your job to tolerate it, ignore it, or solve it. Find other people to hang out with. I agree with this totally. Your children are more important than your friends. When you have kids, choose your friends wisely. I've lost friends because of their children but it's been worth it and I have no regrets when it comes to protecting my sanity and my kids.
samoajoe Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 No that's not normal at all. I think you need to enforce rules. Make it clear from the get go that any kind of rule breaking will have consequences in your household. Be consistent and firm about your rules so that your son will take them seriously as well. Remember that taking away the consequences for your child's misbehavior or bad judgment is a sure fire way to make sure he'll repeat the offense in the future or make worse ones. Good luck.
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