fucila Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 Well a few days ago I was out in a club and I met a guy who was really good looking My friend's been there too, we were having a little conversation with the guy, later he asked us if we wanted to dance. Well we did so and he was really nice, he was always looking at me and smiling. He even grapped my hip and pulled me closer but later he asked whether i go out often because i looked a bit hectic in his opinion. I told him (because i was really dumbfounded) he should show me how to dance in the right way and he again didn't shun touch dancing.. I don't know how important this situation was too him, i guess not too much, because as i said, he seemed to have fun anyway. But for me it was like a punch in the face, i'm really ashamed, because he was really hot and i don't know if he was making fun of me Well it's not only that situation, but I feel this way like all the time Everytime something like this happens I feel so ashamed for DAYS ! My stomach hurts everytime I think of these situations. Does anyone know how to get rid of these extremely ashamed feelings..? I don't even know if i always overrate things or if my shame feeling is maybe even appropriate
Yer_Blues Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 Well a few days ago I was out in a club and I met a guy who was really good looking My friend's been there too, we were having a little conversation with the guy, later he asked us if we wanted to dance. Well we did so and he was really nice, he was always looking at me and smiling. He even grapped my hip and pulled me closer but later he asked whether i go out often because i looked a bit hectic in his opinion. I told him (because i was really dumbfounded) he should show me how to dance in the right way and he again didn't shun touch dancing.. I don't know how important this situation was too him, i guess not too much, because as i said, he seemed to have fun anyway. But for me it was like a punch in the face, i'm really ashamed, because he was really hot and i don't know if he was making fun of me Well it's not only that situation, but I feel this way like all the time Everytime something like this happens I feel so ashamed for DAYS ! My stomach hurts everytime I think of these situations. Does anyone know how to get rid of these extremely ashamed feelings..? I don't even know if i always overrate things or if my shame feeling is maybe even appropriate If he thought you were ugly, ignorant, stupid, useless, and socially inept, would you really allow that to impact you or shake your sense of self? From what point of authority do you see other people's judgment coming from? Just because somebody is hot, dreamy, or can dance does not make them better than you or put them in a position to judge you or your character. Even if he was making fun of you, that's not something you have to run from or feel ashamed about. You cannot control other people's appraisal of you, and there is little positive gained through worrying about it excessively. Are you a perfectionist? This is something I have struggled with in the past. When I mess up or allow my flaws to come out (which I don't even think you did in this situation), I often get a very shameful and self destructive wave of emotion. I think about how much of a fool I must have looked like when I did such and such and it makes me want to jab a sharp object through my chest in frustration. Stepping back and allowing yourself to see your own imperfections, accepting them, and also taking a moment to realize that everybody has insecurities and things they would be ashamed of other people seeing is something that's been helpful for me.
dreamingoftigers Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 Healing the Shame That Binds You by Bradshaw is an excellent resource.
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