youaretheone Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 I have a question that I have been thinking about for a long time. Suppose a member of the opposite sex is interested in you: either you read the signals or they make their interest very subtle without noticing. Anyway, the purpose of dating is to see if two people are compatible with each other and test the waters but if there is no initial attraction to him/her, do you still give them a chance and take them on a date or make a move on them? When this happens to me, I just can't do it and have to reject the woman. I just don't feel like anything might happen because she does not make my heart beat faster like with some other woman I am attracted to. Otherwise, I feel forced to date her and I always feel like nothing will happen between me and her. Most of the time, I get chances where I can instantly kiss a woman and live my life with them without being interested in them but leading her on that way doesn't look right to me. I can't stop asking myself if I am missing the joy of life by being the respectful guy. What are your opinions and experiences on this?
youngskywalker Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 but if there is no initial attraction to him/her, do you still give them a chance and take them on a date or make a move on them? How else will you find out if you're attracted to them unless you spend a little time together? Are you just talking about looks? If I'm not physically attracted to someone then it's pointless for me to date them. I'll never "fall" for them in a romantic way. If it's a matter of personality I'll give it a go with one or two dates. If nothing sparks me then it's time to give up. I don't see any harm in giving someone a chance as you put it. Give it one date and if you're not into them kindly tell them so and move on.
Feelin Frisky Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 I would never lead on someone who I didn't have an attraction to/interest in. This includes women that are attractive or even gorgeous by most standards to other people. If there is something that just doesn't strike me the right way, I'm not into playing games--putting on a front as if I am interested.
Author youaretheone Posted January 1, 2011 Author Posted January 1, 2011 How else will you find out if you're attracted to them unless you spend a little time together? Are you just talking about looks? If I'm not physically attracted to someone then it's pointless for me to date them. I'll never "fall" for them in a romantic way. If it's a matter of personality I'll give it a go with one or two dates. If nothing sparks me then it's time to give up. I don't see any harm in giving someone a chance as you put it. Give it one date and if you're not into them kindly tell them so and move on. Yes, physical attraction comes into play at this part. Sure, there are women whom I am attracted to after some conversation but if the spark is not there physically, I do not feel like it will come later on after I talk to her. Do you have the same thing?
paddington bear Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 I have been that woman that the guy leads on while he takes his sweet time 'to decide' if he likes me or not. Purely from him showing an interest and spending time with me, makes me think that he must really like me. But then, usually someone who does rock his boat comes along and I get dropped like a hot potato and feel humiliated and led on. So, no. Don't do it. Having said that (now this was advice/survey from some glossy women's magazine, so who knows how accurate it is) many people who end up in LTR's didn't have some big wow, spark at the beginning. 3 dates was the magical number to realise that something was building up.
zengirl Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 If I'm not at all physically attracted, I say no. But I don't expect huge fireworks right off the bat, as chemistry can grow as well. It's a balance. But if I don't think, "Hey, he's kinda of cute," then why go out with him? It's sad because a personality can increase my attraction by a lot, but I can't bring myself to date someone hoping for that. Maybe if I had more trouble dating, I would. . . I don't know. I think this is why I've done well online, as I can glimpse the pictures and personality together. I met my current BF online, and while he's gorgeous to me, I wonder how much is initial physical attraction and how much was the adorable way he wrote.
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