ecm Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 "everything happens for a reason" or that "if it's meant to be, it will be" Say for instance, you were dating someone and things were going exceptionally well. Then, something happened to slow things down a little bit. If it were truly meant to be, would this "thing" not get in the way of your feelings? Would it not be a deal breaker? I know I've posted about his before, so I'm not really asking about details with THIS situation. But, in case it helps to clarify, here are the details as quickly as I can summarize them: -Met him online. (haven't done this much, honestly) -He lives 6 hrs away. (have NEVER done a LDR, but he went to med school in the city where I live, so he noticed my profile bc of the city) -We hit it off right away, talked for HOURS. -Met, hit it off right away. -He went home, he said the weekend "changed him," and that he realized the exact moment he could "love me" -Continued to talk for hours. THEN..... -I started noticing that he might have "commitment issues"...so I said it. -I wondered why he always seems to like people that are LDR...so I asked. -He acknowledged that he might have an issue. He even said that he made an appointment to go "talk to someone" But now, things are weird. We don't talk as much. He said I made him think about things he's never thought about, etc. Then, there was a little bit of drama, etc. I really just want to know if people believe that "everything happens for a reason". Or, "if it's meant to be, it will be" Basically, if he was being truthful about his feelings...wouldn't these things not matter? Like, if someone has ugly feet, but you don't like them...the feet will bother you, right? But if you really do like them, they wouldn't matter, right? I hope this makes sense. Do you have any stories like this? I'm just struggling to believe that opening my mouth and being honest isn't the reason things are weird. Hope someone can help
Yer_Blues Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 Compatibility is something that I believe in that helps determine the potential of relationships. I don't believe in any kind of fate or determinism of any kind. The world is random and chaotic, and to try to assign meaning to individual events and separate them from the influence of other events is pretty silly.
Keridan Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 The problem with those (very sweet) old phrases is that they can't be proven or disproven. If this relationship fails and another starts, was that the one that was meant to be? I like the thought of it, but they are comfort, not something you can plan on or use as a measure of what is right. You did the right thing asking him your questions. Especially if you are falling for him. But he may not be the one for you. It's asking those questions that helps you determine. If that ruined it, then I'd say that's just another way of giving the wrong answer. You have to keep asking things that bother you and keep confronting concerns. Otherwise you could end up way down the line wishing you had and really regretting it. I really hope things work out for you. Btw, ugly feet are ugly feet. If you don't like them, it may bother you forever, but you can still be madly in love with the person they are attached to Love isn't being blind, it's making sure you see the whole picture and still feel the same.
Feelin Frisky Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 Everything DOES happen for a reason. It's just that none of those reasons are divine or supernatural. When people throw us curves that tell us they are other than who we believed we have to take that as a sobering call to reality. Some times we can live with what we've discovered and some times the deal is off. It's all part of nature. I guess the wise thing is to just be aware that real love is always going to have to be based on what someone has demonstrated in their actions and values and anything other than that is a kind of love of our own personal feelings when we imagine someone being who we'd like them to be.
january2010 Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 It's easy to use these phrases to comfort ourselves when we question why the relationship ended. I don't think that the phrases really help us. They've become these stock phrases that we use and don't actually 'mean' anything. I used to say them a lot when I was younger when I had a high external locus of control and wasn't as confident about effecting change in my life. Now that I have a higher internal locus of control, I feel more like an active agent in my life - I'm not that comforted by those phrases and don't believe in them as much. Unfortunately, they do slip out now and again. With regard to your situation, here's another phrase for you, "there's not such thing as asking the wrong question to the right person." Now this one, I do currently believe in.
Keridan Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 With regard to your situation, here's another phrase for you, "there's not such thing as asking the wrong question to the right person." Now this one, I do currently believe in. Wonderful phrase! Hope you don't mind if I use it sometimes!
LifeIsGreat Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 Yes, everything happens for a reason. i.e.-- you fall down the stairs. Reason- because I pushed you down When it comes to relationships I have learned this= all you can do is the best you know how given your maturity, experiences, and the situation. That's it!! Pretty simple. Sometimes your best is good enough, sometimes it's not. Relationships take some work, but that work has to be much less than the benefits you are getting for being with that person. The key is to learn from EVERY experience in your life, and perhaps do something differently the next time. Doing the same thing and expecting different result = insanity.
january2010 Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 @Keridan Sure. Though I can't take credit for the phrase - I picked it up somewhere online and don't know who wrote it originally.
Author ecm Posted January 1, 2011 Author Posted January 1, 2011 With regard to your situation, here's another phrase for you, "there's not such thing as asking the wrong question to the right person." Now this one, I do currently believe in. love, love, love it! That kind of sums up what I was asking. Wow. That's 2 things you've helped me with, now! Brilliant. Thank you. (And thank everyone else, so far, too)
pandagirl Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 Yeah, I kind of do believe in these sayings, but it's only because I know I can ultimately make the best of a situation, learn from what life deals me, and grow from experience. Life isn't necessary about what happens, but how you deal with it.
january2010 Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 love, love, love it! That kind of sums up what I was asking. Wow. That's 2 things you've helped me with, now! Brilliant. Thank you. (And thank everyone else, so far, too) No worries And that should read "no such thing" rather than "not such thing." Sorry.
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