WifeCheatedOnMe Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 Just wondering, for those that have gone through infidelity and ended their relationship, do you have a heightened sense of 'cheatdar' and are able to detect that character flaw early in your next relationships....I'm honestly scared to death of ever getting involved with another woman, considering how my wife completely changed after 12 years together in the matter of a few months. And what happened to my wife doesn't seem all that uncommon after reading so many similar threads here (I understand the statistical sample here of course lends to that).
desertIslandCactus Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 Just wondering, for those that have gone through infidelity and ended their relationship, do you have a heightened sense of 'cheatdar' and are able to detect that character flaw early in your next relationships....I'm honestly scared to death of ever getting involved with another woman, considering how my wife completely changed after 12 years together in the matter of a few months. And what happened to my wife doesn't seem all that uncommon after reading so many similar threads here (I understand the statistical sample here of course lends to that). I think many men will cheat, more than women do. In my sons situation, they don't cheat while with a woman, but the women they have met, have been opportunists. In other words, the women seem to be after money first - then perhaps other men, after. The world we live in, has become more unstable as time goes on, and with distrust for the opposite sex. It seems as if men cheat, women steal.
Distant78 Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 I think many men will cheat, more than women do. In my sons situation, they don't cheat while with a woman, but the women they have met, have been opportunists. In other words, the women seem to be after money first - then perhaps other men, after. The world we live in, has become more unstable as time goes on, and with distrust for the opposite sex. It seems as if men cheat, women steal. Oh no. It's a lot more women cheating in this day and age, now that they're getting more jobs and moving up in the ranks. But you're right, it's becoming more unstable as time passes.
desertIslandCactus Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 Oh no. It's a lot more women cheating in this day and age, now that they're getting more jobs and moving up in the ranks. But you're right, it's becoming more unstable as time passes. Honestly, I've always thought it is more in the mind of a man.. since they're also known to think about sex in multiples during the day - compared to women. Women seem to have to have someone in mind, in order to be especially be aroused - men don't.. You're right about the independence and job situation. I think All who work, seem to especially have the enticement on the job site. They get bored on the job and the poor employer seems to have a mating situation going on. At least with reading on LS, it appears that many are meeting on their job - men and women..
Distant78 Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 Honestly, I've always thought it is more in the mind of a man.. since they're also known to think about sex in multiples during the day - compared to women. Women seem to have to have someone in mind, in order to be especially be aroused - men don't.. You're right about the independence and job situation. I think All who work, seem to especially have the enticement on the job site. They get bored on the job and the poor employer seems to have a mating situation going on. At least with reading on LS, it appears that many are meeting on their job - men and women.. And it speaks volumes about their lack of maturity and their inability to be strictly professional and respectful to their marriages.
in pain Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 Just wondering, for those that have gone through infidelity and ended their relationship, do you have a heightened sense of 'cheatdar' and are able to detect that character flaw early in your next relationships....I'm honestly scared to death of ever getting involved with another woman, considering how my wife completely changed after 12 years together in the matter of a few months. And what happened to my wife doesn't seem all that uncommon after reading so many similar threads here (I understand the statistical sample here of course lends to that). I was just thinking about this a few minutes ago and thought to myself what if I meet a serial killer next (stupid I know) but am I always going to be paranoid like this when it comes to meeting new people?
desertIslandCactus Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 (edited) I was just thinking about this a few minutes ago and thought to myself what if I meet a serial killer next (stupid I know) but am I always going to be paranoid like this when it comes to meeting new people? WiveCheatedOnMe & InPain; I don't have distrust.. And went thru a hairy divorce.. Of course mine happened so long ago.. But you know there is nothing saying that you don't have to Get To Know someone before completely inviting them into your life emotionally. If you have a longer courtship, how long can the other person keep up a pretense. My H and I only knew each other three months before we married. I never regretted it, obviously he did. Edited January 1, 2011 by desertIslandCactus to add
shayan Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 stop expecting people to cheat on you. There are plenty of faithful relationships, and some which have even survived infidelity and become stronger. Look for people who you feel trust with, with who it feels right with, take it slow, take your time no rush. Honestly there is always that chance, infidelity is a risk you take when entering a relationship with anyone. It's like stepping into a car and jumping on a road you may get into an accident, the best thing you can do is drive safe and buy a reliable car. So shift your perspective from trying to avoid cheaters, to meeting nice reliable people. It seems subtle but honestly it's important to know what you want, more so then to avoid what you don't. It's not good to be driven by fear, it's much better to be driven by something positive. that's my opinion anyways take it as you will.
seibert253 Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 It's kinda weird, but I experienced an "enhancement" of my bullsh#t meter after the A. It's now easier for me to detect when someone's feeding me a load of crap. It's help tremendously in our M, because my W knows this and doesn't even try. Sometimes she's brutally honest, but it doesn't hurt as bad, or as long as the lies which used to spue from her lips. I also "see" and notice things and people's activity when out in public. For example; when someone gets a call or text, and suddenly has to excuse themselves. I always wonder, Hmmmm. W used to do that, and like the sucker I was, I bought her BS excuses. When I see couples, or families out in public, and the W or H is burning up the texting on their cellphone, I always wonder, Hmmmm. Something's up there. Maybe I'm just paranoid.
Distant78 Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 It's kinda weird, but I experienced an "enhancement" of my bullsh#t meter after the A. It's now easier for me to detect when someone's feeding me a load of crap. It's help tremendously in our M, because my W knows this and doesn't even try. Sometimes she's brutally honest, but it doesn't hurt as bad, or as long as the lies which used to spue from her lips. I also "see" and notice things and people's activity when out in public. For example; when someone gets a call or text, and suddenly has to excuse themselves. I always wonder, Hmmmm. W used to do that, and like the sucker I was, I bought her BS excuses. When I see couples, or families out in public, and the W or H is burning up the texting on their cellphone, I always wonder, Hmmmm. Something's up there. Maybe I'm just paranoid. No you're not alone. My bullsh*t radar has advanced to a whole new level also.
Woggle Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 Very much so and in all areas of life. I know when I am being lied to and I can smell BS from 2 miles away.
threebyfate Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 Can't say it's better but once confidence has been rebuilt on trusting your own judgement, it's all uphill from there! Seriously, throw the middle finger up at the effects of cheating and the cheater. They're now moot to your life and detrimental to your happiness and emotional well-being.
Steadfast Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 People cheat. People that say they'll never cheat do and people that say they never will again do too. People cheat. It is a choice, it isn't circumstance. True love drives people that don't, or won't cheat. I do think I have a sense of increased awareness, but more than anything I have the understanding that it is impossible to control anyone other than myself. So, my approach is to make sure I choose not to and trust that my lover feels the same. She says she does, and I believe her. It took sometime for me to allow that...to not use my 'leftover' suspicion on her. Billy Joel once sang; "When you love someone, you're always insecure" and that is true I suppose, especially if you've loved and been burned. More than anything now I suppose, is the knowledge that I don't need a special someone to be happy. If she cheats, she really doesn't love me. Sure, it'll hurt, but life is too short for guessing. The Golden Rule applies.
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