OceanGirl Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 I just got a rejection e-mail by a guy that I kind of liked and had 1 date with. He seemed really keen after the date - even messaging me 30 minutes after the date ended to make the second one. I ended up having to cancel that one and he said that he will call 2 weeks later as he is busy over the holidays. It's now two weeks later and I couldn't resist so I have sent him a message asking him if he wanted to catch up. He responded (after 2 days) that he has been seeing someone for the last 2 months and that they have just become exlcusive. His story seems to line up with the fact that he has removed his profile from the dating site. It still kind of stings though and makes me feel like I can't ever have the guy I even remotely like How do you respond to rejection messages like that? I usually say something like : No worries - thanks for letting me know. Best of luck! Take care, OG Does this make me too much of a doormat? Am I better off just not responding? I know it doesn't really matter either way, I just want to handle this in a classy manner.
anne1707 Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 I think your "No worries...." text sounds like a perfectly good idea. It was good of him to let you know that he wasn't interested when you asked though. Far better than being ignored, don't you think?
Stonewall Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 Well... just look at it this way, better now than further down the road when invest time, and energy into him.
TaraMaiden Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 Happy for you. Thanks for having the grace to let me know - Even though it's me who had to ask... happy New Year!" I think would convey everything adequately....
Surrealist Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 If it was me I would either not respond, but if I did it would be very simple like: "No worries, all the best. Cheers"
Author OceanGirl Posted January 1, 2011 Author Posted January 1, 2011 I think your "No worries...." text sounds like a perfectly good idea. It was good of him to let you know that he wasn't interested when you asked though. Far better than being ignored, don't you think? Exactly. He could have easily ignored me. I feel like it was nice of him to do this and I want to encourage him to do it with other women in the future. If this is was a dig at my other post - I posted a bit of explnation of what happened that night.
Author OceanGirl Posted January 1, 2011 Author Posted January 1, 2011 Happy for you. Thanks for having the grace to let me know - Even though it's me who had to ask... happy New Year!" I think would convey everything adequately.... Heh that's a good one Tara
anne1707 Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 Exactly. He could have easily ignored me. I feel like it was nice of him to do this and I want to encourage him to do it with other women in the future. If this is was a dig at my other post - I posted a bit of explnation of what happened that night. Yes it was a little dig You do this a lot OG where you expect certain behaviours from your dates but do not reciprocate - treat others as you would like to be treated yourself. And yes, I have seen your update in the other thread.
Author OceanGirl Posted January 1, 2011 Author Posted January 1, 2011 If it was me I would either not respond, but if I did it would be very simple like: "No worries, all the best. Cheers" Yep, unfortunately I tend to be a bit of a doormat
oaks Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 How do you respond to rejection messages like that? I usually say something like : No worries - thanks for letting me know. Best of luck! Take care, OG I haven't been in that exact scenario, but when I get rejection messages to my initial contact emails on online dating sites I usually respond in a similar way.
OpenBook Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 All is fair in love and war - especially after only 1 date. It's no skin off your nose (i.e., no reflection on you). Don't take it personally. Sh*t happens. I wouldn't respond at all. Next!
Author OceanGirl Posted January 1, 2011 Author Posted January 1, 2011 All is fair in love and war - especially after only 1 date. It's no skin off your nose (i.e., no reflection on you). Don't take it personally. Sh*t happens. I wouldn't respond at all. Next! To be honest I was attracted to him but couldn't really see myself with him long term. It is more of an ego bruise.
LifeIsGreat Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 If it's an ego bruise, then don't respond at all. Maybe that will give you a little ego boost. And frankly, after the guy sent you the text he wasn't expecting to hear back from you anyway.
Author OceanGirl Posted January 1, 2011 Author Posted January 1, 2011 It seems like guys I like do not like me. There is a clear pattern there - maybe I need to lower my standards. Seriously, this guy had cute pictures but in real life he is overweight and nothing to write home about. He is pretty average looking. He is just super confident/arrogant so I knew immediately that he has lots of options. The guys that end up really liking me are truly the bottom of the barrel in every sense (looks, intelligence). It is depressing. If that's what I can get then I would rather be single.
Yer_Blues Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 If it's an ego bruise, then don't respond at all. Maybe that will give you a little ego boost. And frankly, after the guy sent you the text he wasn't expecting to hear back from you anyway. I don't think sending a text back vs. not sending one back is a big deal, but I disagree with the notion of "boosting" the ego being a good thing. I would consider moving away from the ego and looking beyond yourself to be the happier route.
Mme. Chaucer Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 It seems like guys I like do not like me. There is a clear pattern there - maybe I need to lower my standards. Seriously, this guy had cute pictures but in real life he is overweight and nothing to write home about. He is pretty average looking. He is just super confident/arrogant so I knew immediately that he has lots of options. The guys that end up really liking me are truly the bottom of the barrel in every sense (looks, intelligence). It is depressing. If that's what I can get then I would rather be single. Stop! Don't go there! That's a self defeating way to talk to / about yourself. I believe that there are certainly guys that you'll like who will like you ... you have not been in the right place to find them. Or to be "present" for them to find you. Like I say often (and like some people hate to hear), just work on yourself and you will reap the benefits in your personal life. I do apply this rigorously to myself. Takes time, too. I do think it's nice and polite to respond to a message such as the one he sent you. Also, I think it helps to close that door for you, so you won't think of him as a possibility. Nicely say "enjoyed meeting you, bye, good luck."
Distant78 Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 It seems like guys I like do not like me. There is a clear pattern there - maybe I need to lower my standards. Seriously, this guy had cute pictures but in real life he is overweight and nothing to write home about. He is pretty average looking. He is just super confident/arrogant so I knew immediately that he has lots of options. The guys that end up really liking me are truly the bottom of the barrel in every sense (looks, intelligence). It is depressing. If that's what I can get then I would rather be single. If he's not all that, why create a thread about how rejected you are? You say he's cute and now all of a sudden he isn't nothing because he doesn't want you. If this was a man complaining he'd get posts like "get over it" and "oh well dude." Not heart warming posts like "everything will be fine honey."
westrock Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 It seems like guys I like do not like me. There is a clear pattern there - maybe I need to lower my standards. What you need to do is change your standards: -lower your standards on qualities that are not important for a LTR. -raise your standards on qualities that are important for a LTR.
DuskCrush Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 If it was me I would either not respond, but if I did it would be very simple like: "No worries, all the best. Cheers" I would go with this --you should send something back...you're not being a doormat and at least he was honest and responded to you.
Ariadne Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 It seems like guys I like do not like me. There is a clear pattern there - maybe I need to lower my standards...The guys that end up really liking me are truly the bottom of the barrel in every sense (looks, intelligence). I could have written this myself.
Author OceanGirl Posted January 1, 2011 Author Posted January 1, 2011 I ended up sending him something back along the lines of "Thanks for letting me know - good luck". I do appreciate him letting me know versus just completely ignoring me. As for the other poster - I said that he was cute in the pictures. He was a lot cuter in the pictures than in real life which is common with online dating. Pictures also didn't show that he has a weight problem.
Ariadne Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 Btw, I also noticed that as time goes by my standards keep getting higher to to the point that it'd be impossible for me to find a partner.
Ariadne Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 I do appreciate him letting me know versus just completely ignoring me. You sure are putting some dedication to this. If you keep it up I think you'll end up married pretty soon. Love and Peace in 2011 everyone.
Author OceanGirl Posted January 1, 2011 Author Posted January 1, 2011 You sure are putting some dedication to this. If you keep it up I think you'll end up married pretty soon. Love and Peace in 2011 everyone. I am very close to giving up Ariadne. I just woke up from another nightmare about time running out and me getting older. That's what every rejection does to me. It's not even this guy, it's the accumulation of all guys that have ever rejected me In my "dream" I re-lived all the rejections that I received this year with online dating. There weren't even that many but they were from the guys that mattered most. I saw their faces clearly and I woke up feeling heart broken
Author OceanGirl Posted January 1, 2011 Author Posted January 1, 2011 Stop! Don't go there! That's a self defeating way to talk to / about yourself. I believe that there are certainly guys that you'll like who will like you ... you have not been in the right place to find them. Or to be "present" for them to find you. Like I say often (and like some people hate to hear), just work on yourself and you will reap the benefits in your personal life. I do apply this rigorously to myself. Takes time, too. I do think it's nice and polite to respond to a message such as the one he sent you. Also, I think it helps to close that door for you, so you won't think of him as a possibility. Nicely say "enjoyed meeting you, bye, good luck." Thanks for this. I appreciate your kindness - this has actually made me feel a bit better
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