Update: Embracing the New Year for everything it stands for. Bring it on!

[thissecretgirl]

First of all Happy New Year to everyone. Lets hope its a good one all round with much less anguish and a lot more happy times. Secondly thankyou once again for all your support through an extremely tricky time.

 

A lot can happen in the space of a week. Christmas was so tough, receiving that letter on its eve once again left me reeling and in a really bad place.

 

At some point though something changed for me and I realised that enough is enough; for the sake of my own sanity, wellbeing and happiness something needed to change. So thats exactly what I have spent this week doing.

 

I've joined a couple of dating sites. I'm not looking for anything serious but I reckon dinner now and again would be nice and its years since I've been out with anyone.

 

I also went on a date! This is huge for me, for a number of reasons not least its significance in coming to terms with moving forward and acknowledging the end of my relationship, but also because I hate dating lol with a passion. I am quite shy meeting new men

 

Then yesterday (New Years Eve) I had decided to just do the usual and watch a dvd and have a glass of wine when I got an invite from the bloke next door to his party. He has a band and they were all going to be there. Again i'm really quite shy but i told myself if I can move county on my own I can go next door to a party on my own and that is exactly what I did!

 

Today has been such a great day. I have enjoyed every moment of it. I've cooked nice food, swam, read my book and taken immense pleasure out of the small things in life.

 

A friend wrote to me and advised me to do this: to focus on the good found in everyday life.

She knows about the affair and its demise and her message said so many beautiful things, but this stood out to me

 

''Hold on to the present moment in its simplicity and vibrant reality. Hold on to all those bits in life that seem so small and meaningless when your passions are inflamed. They are full of life and color and incredibly valuable information about what is real and true."

 

Today is a the first day of a fresh year. For so long I havent really lived, I've merely existed. Today I looked around and she is so right; there is vibrancy and colour everywhere.

 

Who wants to merely exist? Not me.

 

Today, this New Years day 2011 is the day I start living.

[jj33]

Great post and great quote. Happy new year. Life is made up of the small moments of everyday living whether you are on your own or with the love of your life.

[Fight4Me]

Happy New Year to you too! I've been thinking and wondering about how you're holding up, and I'm glad 2011 is bringing new hope and an opportunity to step outside your comfort zone and LIVE!

 

You obviously have some true, loving friends, and that is more precious than anything. Love that quote she sent you.

 

I truly wish everyone here (BS, OW/M, WH - former or otherwise) a very happy New Year filled only with good things for each of you.

[pureinheart]

Happy New Year to you also!!!! Thank you!!! Your post was excellent BTW, I am in total agreement:)

[thissecretgirl]

Thanks guys.

 

I stopped thinking about him anywhere near as much. I think I must have compartmentalised him! I stuck him in his box and closed the lid on this particular compartment.

 

Yeah, that quote had quite a profound effect on me. She is so right; in the midst of passion, turmoil, upset, excitement and drudgery of an affair you miss out on all the wonderful things that are right under your nose. The affair blinkers can prevent you from seeing anything other than the affair itself and subsequently you stop noticing the small things that previously might have brought pleasure. You stop seeing them and you stop feeling them. Instead, in my case, the focus of my pleasure became dependent on one source; him.

 

 

Life and vibrancy and colour. I love the feelings this conjurs up.

It is everywhere.

 

I was seeing everything behind dead eyes. But this week has been a real awaking for me.

Yesterday was so lovely. I sat in the garden and laughed at the cat playing in the fountain, watched the parrots, took pleasure in the warm breeze on my skin.

And the food! Everything tasted so good lol

The fresh crunchy bread, the crumbly cheese and the sweet tomato and basal salad I prepared for lunch. Dinner was the best paella I swear I've ever made. I didnt bother with the recipe book, I just went by the colour and taste and smell.

 

All these small things are pleasures I wouldnt have noticed before and yanno what, I was missing out.

 

I know I sound like I'm on drugs *laugh*

 

I swear I'm not!

 

I just feel alive.