siuys Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 Hi all, very slowly recovering from my last episode where MM turns up at my door for those of you who know my situation. I now have a goal: With the help of my counsellor, work on my fears/issues till I get to a point where I can seriously maintain my boundaries, and then to a point where I am totally happy just as I am with myself, so whether MM is in my life or not it no longer matters. I know I still want to be with MM and still hope that he will move out and sort his stuff out so we can be together but I think if I continue my own work, i will get to a point where it doesn't matter anymore. So I have renewed optimism for myself. I have a feeling 2011 will be a good year, but by no means an easy one...
calliope Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 Hi Calli, well, why not? A good distraction at least keeps you from thinking about MM too much. I envy you now coz you haven't gone backwards whereas I have. Anyway, what's done is done. Moving along and hopefully I get back on my feet soon and MM will just stay away as agreed. Whatever. I am exhausted emotionally. Happy new year. Hey siuys - took this from your earlier reply to my post.... Don't be envious, you haven't gone backwards, I would've done exactly the same thing if my MM came back. I actually sent him an e-mail earlier today. I'll be back to work with him in a few days and I wanted to make sure things aren't going to be too uncomfortable. I honestly didn't expect him to respond, but he did. Ever since I received his response, I've been trying to analyze and "decipher" every word. I'm exhausted emotionally too. Don't be hard on yourself, you're a kind, feeling woman, and a human being. I hope 2011 will be much kinder to us both....
Author siuys Posted January 1, 2011 Author Posted January 1, 2011 Hey Calli, happy new year. Well, maybe i haven't gone backwards, but right now I feel like I have. On the other hand, I feel like it was just another lesson moving forward. As long as you are still analysing and deciphering every word, you and i both know that you are in an unhealthy situation. No legit R will require that. It's so sickening when I think about it. I did the same thing when mm texted me the other day and I thought to myself this has got to stop! All the best, Calli. And I really appreciate all your support through all of this crap. Hopefully very soon, we will be posting only to help others, and not because we're back in that horrible pit.
ItsNeverForever Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 Hey Calli, happy new year. Well, maybe i haven't gone backwards, but right now I feel like I have. On the other hand, I feel like it was just another lesson moving forward. As long as you are still analysing and deciphering every word, you and i both know that you are in an unhealthy situation. No legit R will require that. It's so sickening when I think about it. I did the same thing when mm texted me the other day and I thought to myself this has got to stop! All the best, Calli. And I really appreciate all your support through all of this crap. Hopefully very soon, we will be posting only to help others, and not because we're back in that horrible pit. **waving at you guys from the pit** It SUX down here.
calliope Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 **waving at you guys from the pit** It SUX down here. That's why we're here, but at least we have some company!
Author siuys Posted January 1, 2011 Author Posted January 1, 2011 hey INF and Calli! Waving back at you hahaha. Hang in there girls. We will manage and get through this. I've been reading online a lot on addictive love etc. According to the tests, I am borderline so that's something obviously unhealthy that I need to work on. Coz logically, I should be able to walk away from this toxic situation. I'm just trying to understand my own behaviour more now.... and I'm starting to gain more insight, such as inner child issues, attachment etc. It's actually all very interesting and every little bit I can relate to helps me grow and learn about myself and my behaviour.
Hazyhead Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 I have been so impressed with the three of you. The whole time. I know there are hiccups that we make sometimes, that is human nature, but you all seem to have a goal in mind. Keep this goal for yourself and do not compromise your wonderfulness. Good things will come though it is painful right now, I know. Hugs to all of you. Put yourself first and all the best for the new years. Hazy xxx
calliope Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 I have been so impressed with the three of you. The whole time. I know there are hiccups that we make sometimes, that is human nature, but you all seem to have a goal in mind. Keep this goal for yourself and do not compromise your wonderfulness. Good things will come though it is painful right now, I know. Hugs to all of you. Put yourself first and all the best for the new years. Hazy xxx You have no idea how much that means to me, Hazy because I certainly don't feel very impressive lately, just very sad and messed up. I'm not sure I have an ultimate goal in mind, I just feel like I'm slogging through so very slowly. I know what I want, but I hate that I still want it.... I'll be back to work with him again in 3 days and feel both anxiety and some other feeling that I can't quite describe. I can't call it happiness, because it's certainly not that, but maybe relief that I'll see him again? Dunno. See? Messed up. Thankfully in 3 days I also have an appt w/therapist.
2sunny Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 Hi all, very slowly recovering from my last episode where MM turns up at my door for those of you who know my situation. I now have a goal: With the help of my counsellor, work on my fears/issues till I get to a point where I can seriously maintain my boundaries, and then to a point where I am totally happy just as I am with myself, so whether MM is in my life or not it no longer matters. I know I still want to be with MM and still hope that he will move out and sort his stuff out so we can be together but I think if I continue my own work, i will get to a point where it doesn't matter anymore. So I have renewed optimism for myself. I have a feeling 2011 will be a good year, but by no means an easy one... so what exactly is the goal- boundary - and what exactly are you working on? you are very vague with this statement. BE specific... what exactly are you DOING or NOT DOING? this is the action part. to be vague only leave nothing to be accomplished.
Author siuys Posted January 1, 2011 Author Posted January 1, 2011 hey guys, I am feeling much better already today. I feel normal! I think I've definitely recovered much faster than last time so this is a really good sign. Goal: boundaries, work on fear of rejection and fear of loneliness (already been doing this last couple of months), focus on my life - my career, my interests, build new friendships, maintain current ones, travel more, live my life NOW and if MM is in it, great, if not, fine too. It's more a transformational type of goal, a vision, not a SMART goal as such. But it works for me.
calliope Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 hey guys, I am feeling much better already today. I feel normal! I think I've definitely recovered much faster than last time so this is a really good sign. Goal: boundaries, work on fear of rejection and fear of loneliness (already been doing this last couple of months), focus on my life - my career, my interests, build new friendships, maintain current ones, travel more, live my life NOW and if MM is in it, great, if not, fine too. It's more a transformational type of goal, a vision, not a SMART goal as such. But it works for me. I'm glad to hear you're feeling better! I have a friend who keeps stressing to me how important it is to "live in the now". In my head I know she's absolutely right, but it's not an easy thing to do! Especially for those here who have had secretive pasts and unsure futures. It's hard not to dwell on one or the other, or even both sometimes. At least you're doing the work to try and get there siuys. Good for you!
Author siuys Posted January 1, 2011 Author Posted January 1, 2011 Calli, you hang in there too. I just went for a long run, and every time I thought about MM, and what we could be doing together, I stopped myself. I remind myself that I live in the now, and want to focus on ME, not on some fantasy that may or may not happen. All I can do is pick myself up again. Enough already. Good luck to you too. Be calm and focussed on you and work when you get back after the hols.
Recommended Posts