Author OceanGirl Posted January 1, 2011 Author Posted January 1, 2011 It's more than a bit! This changes everything! You made it clear last night hence no need to respond today. Can I just add - let this be a lesson to you on not going to someone's house on a first date, especially when you have never met him before. This is the first and last time I will do this.
welikeincrowds Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 Man, this is funny. I was planning on warning you about how awful it would be if it didn't work in your other thread, before you made these plans, but i forgot... ahaha
Star Gazer Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 I'm sad that you put a date with a random guy you'd never met before above spending the holiday with your terminally ill father, like you said you would.
SunsetRed Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 Oceangirl, I do feel sorry for you. Having to leave a repulsive date on NYE sucks. I'm sure you didn't want to have to leave. I mean, you took a chance on meeting a stranger at his house so that you wouldn't spend NYE alone. That's very courageous of you. I admire you for following your gut instinct and getting out of there the minute you felt weird. That feeling that you get in your gut that tells you something isn't right, is always a feeling to listen to. It would have been easier to stay and not be alone on NYE, but you valued your life enough to get out. Even if he was nice about it and walked you to the station, you were still right to follow your gut instinct. Also, you are doing the right thing to not respond to his text. Responding only invites more conversation and future texts. I was supposed to have a date too, but it didn't happen. We were supposed to meet at a bar and hear a band but then he said that traffic on NYE is terrible, so why don't I just come over to his place to "watch movies." Mind you, I'd be driving to his place in the "terrible traffic" So, I stayed home and tried to distract myself so that I wouldn't feel like a loser. Actually, you and I are both winners because we didn't compromise our safety just to not be alone.
EricaH329 Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 I'm sad that you put a date with a random guy you'd never met before above spending the holiday with your terminally ill father, like you said you would. Yes, that makes me sad as well
SunsetRed Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 Why are people being so hard on OG? This guy may not have been a safe guy to be around. I'm sure OG would have hung out with him if his company and conversation had been half way tolerable. He didn't seem interested in getting to know OG as a person if he was going to spend the night ranting about his ex. Plus, ranting about an ex shows that he has anger issues and to rant on a first meet/first date is a huge red flag. First dates are about making a good impression, not dumping your issues on someone. Some guys think they are nice guys just because they are willing to devote their time and attention to you. But if they spend that time ranting about their exes or complaining about their life, then the time spent with you, really isn't about you, it's about them. I think OG did the right thing by leaving.
FryFish Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 Ranting about his ex doesnt show he has anger problems... It shows he isnt over his ex and isnt ready to date yet.
Author OceanGirl Posted January 1, 2011 Author Posted January 1, 2011 I'm sad that you put a date with a random guy you'd never met before above spending the holiday with your terminally ill father, like you said you would. It's not that simple. When I told mum and dad that I wanted to spend NYE with then they actually kept encouraging me to go out and have fun. My dad told me that it would make him happy if I went out. They don't know that I am online dating but they still didn't want me to sit at home. I spent a week over Christmas at their place. My dad ended up sleeping through NYE. They also never make a big deal about it - it's a useless holiday to them. They are quite religious and Christmas and Easter are more important (which I have spent with them every year of my life). I am also going back to their place tomorrow until the 10th when I start work. I talk to my dad on the phone daily.
tinktronik Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 I have a question. Why were you at someone's house on a first date?
dreamingoftigers Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 You should feel sorry for me. That was one of the worst NYEs ever. And I do not want to reply because replying will just open up further conversation. Why? You created it hun, and you made someone else's NYE crappy. Looks like he dodged a bullet.
Raderick Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 I have a question. Why were you at someone's house on a first date? Why not? If you can trust the other person, by all means. Granted, it may or may not exactly be the greatest location for a first date depending on what you're doing, but that's a debate for another time and day. But yeah, I think you're being too hard on the guy. Let him know you're not interested, chalk it up as a experience, and move on with your life. (edit: looks like this was already done)
LondonS Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 OG. I didnt read all the replies but why dont you do the filteration process before you meet for the date? Do you have too much time on your hands or something? I have a very busy job ( Investment Banking) so I dont make time for everyone who asks me and I have atleast 10 offers of dinner dates...Most are professionals, exceptionally handsome men ( I only go for my type and compatible ones) even then, I am only going to actually meet 2 or 3 of them at best. I talk to people via email, phone etc well before I actually give them time to meet.. so far no disaster dates and all guys have been interested to carry on dating me but Im still multi dating for now.
Star Gazer Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 If you can trust the other person, by all means. How can you trust someone you've never met?
tinktronik Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 Why not? If you can trust the other person, by all means. How would you possibly know if you could trust a person or not on a first date? I could see if you have known the person as a friend for a long time first but I think it bends the bounds of personal safety to go to a persons house on a first date. OP don't do that anymore. Please.
Raderick Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 How would you possibly know if you could trust a person or not on a first date? I could see if you have known the person as a friend for a long time first but I think it bends the bounds of personal safety to go to a persons house on a first date. OP don't do that anymore. Please. I guess trust isn't the correct word or phrase for that matter. If you think the guy isn't psycho, by all means.
fishtaco Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 It is arguable that OG bailed on mid-date was right to do. The guy was uninteresting, but he didn't do anything bad, like go all pervy creepy or something. He was just... uninteresting and boring. So I'm not going to comment on if it was right or not. But not responding was perfectly fine. They have no history together. She's not obligated to respond. It would be nice, yes, but any man with any basic understanding of social cues would get the hint. So I say this is no big deal, OG is perfectly fine ignoring the last txt msg. But this... You should feel sorry for me. That was one of the worst NYEs ever. This is awesome. This right here, defines the dating culture.
dreamingoftigers Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 Why? You created it hun, and you made someone else's NYE crappy. Looks like he dodged a bullet. I take it back, the added details explained more.
Author OceanGirl Posted January 4, 2011 Author Posted January 4, 2011 This guy is becoming extremely creepy. He has called me a few times (after all that) and I didn't pick up. Then he hid his caller ID and tricked me into answering. Over the phone, I told him nicely that I am not interested in pursuing anything further (although this is was already clear in our conversation on NYE). He then went crazy and said something like "I am a nice guy. Someone else would have raped you if you came to his house like that" - I didn't like that comment at all. After that conversation he has sent me a number of messages through the dating site asking to "catch up" WTF. I didn't respond and he sent something like "if I am not good enough for you to date, we can hang out as friends????PLEASE" Again, WTF. Looks like this guy is not all there in the head and I had a lucky escape.
denise_xo Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 This guy is becoming extremely creepy. He has called me a few times (after all that) and I didn't pick up. Then he hid his caller ID and tricked me into answering. Over the phone, I told him nicely that I am not interested in pursuing anything further (although this is was already clear in our conversation on NYE). He then went crazy and said something like "I am a nice guy. Someone else would have raped you if you came to his house like that" - I didn't like that comment at all. After that conversation he has sent me a number of messages through the dating site asking to "catch up" WTF. I didn't respond and he sent something like "if I am not good enough for you to date, we can hang out as friends????PLEASE" Again, WTF. Looks like this guy is not all there in the head and I had a lucky escape. That really is creepy. Good call for leaving early...
Mad Max Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 You should feel sorry for me. That was one of the worst NYEs ever. And I do not want to reply because replying will just open up further conversation. I have to admit; I want to sympathize with you and say that I do, but comments like the one I bolded are the reason I have no sympathy for you when things don't go your way. Tell the guy the truth. You're an adult and you need to start acting like one.
sb129 Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 He does sound a little desperate. The blocking caller ID thing is creepy. I think you can cease contact now- you have told him you don't want to pursue things any further.
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