OceanGirl Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 Ugh. I left my NYE date mid evening. I won't go into details but I wasn't attracted to this guy on any level and when he started talking about his bi-polar ex wife - I just had to leave. I was at his house and I made up story about having to go and meet up with friends. He was nice about it and even walked me to the station. I felt kind of bad. This is only the second time I have left mid-date (for online dates) - where I literally was so repelled by the guy that I couldn't stand another moment of conversation. To make things worse he doesn't seem to have gotten the hint. I woke up to the text "So does this mean that you are not interested? I really want to see you again". I didn't reply
sb129 Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 I would never go on a first date on NYE. NYE is for spending with friends. I don't think its that bad, at least you were polite about it.
Allisha Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 I would never go on a first date on NYE. NYE is for spending with friends. I don't think its that bad, at least you were polite about it. And what exactly is polite about ignoring someone's text?
sb129 Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 I meant the leaving the date part. She could still technically reply to his text if her conscience gets the better of her.
MrNate Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 Poor guy. C'mon Ocean Girl, at least do the right thing and not leave him hanging. Don't let your repulsive towards him dictate being simply kind towards the fellow. Just tell him you aren't interested.
Surrealist Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 Ocean Girl I agree with the above guys here. Should really reply in this circumstance, he treated you with respect and all, walked you to the station etc.
Author OceanGirl Posted January 1, 2011 Author Posted January 1, 2011 I feel sorry for the guy. You should feel sorry for me. That was one of the worst NYEs ever. And I do not want to reply because replying will just open up further conversation.
Allisha Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 You should feel sorry for me. That was one of the worst NYEs ever. And I do not want to reply because replying will just open up further conversation. It seems you're already feeling quite sorry for yourself, so we'll leave you to that. And tbh, anyone who risks going out on NYE on a first date is just asking for a miserable time. I'm sure it's going to turn out to be one of his worst NYEs, too. He doesn't sound like a bad guy; he treated you with respect, and you can't even be honest with him? What happened to spending New Years with your ill father like you said you were going to in another thread? And in the same thread, didn't you say you're currently not in the "right frame of mind for dating"? So, why bother?
Author OceanGirl Posted January 1, 2011 Author Posted January 1, 2011 It seems you're already feeling quite sorry for yourself, so we'll leave you to that. And tbh, anyone who risks going out on NYE on a first date is just asking for a miserable time. I'm sure it's going to turn out to be one of his worst NYEs, too. He doesn't sound like a bad guy; he treated you with respect, and you can't even be honest with him? What happened to spending New Years with your ill father like you said you were going to in another thread? And in the same thread, didn't you say you're currently not in the "right frame of mind for dating"? So, why bother? In retrospect I should have done that. I think I will take a break from dating. I have just about had enough. The problem is, at my age taking a break is not something I can afford if I want to have a shot in hell at getting married/having family.
Surrealist Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 In retrospect I should have done that. I think I will take a break from dating. I have just about had enough. The problem is, at my age taking a break is not something I can afford if I want to have a shot in hell at getting married/having family. You sound confused Ocean Girl? Which is okay cos I've been like that for a long while. You could probably put this one down to just bad luck. Certainly not a good way to spend a NYE but was there anything else you would of been doing otherwise that would of been better? If you hadn't of gone and at least tried as you did, you may well have had regrets about not having had attempted? Just looking at it from a different perspective.
pandagirl Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 In retrospect I should have done that. I think I will take a break from dating. I have just about had enough. The problem is, at my age taking a break is not something I can afford if I want to have a shot in hell at getting married/having family. How old are you? I'm 32. I'm in the midst of "taking a break." Six months is a good break to get your head back into a better place, and it's not going to set back your life in anyway. Trust me.
Yer_Blues Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 You should feel sorry for me. That was one of the worst NYEs ever. And I do not want to reply because replying will just open up further conversation. I'm maxed out on vicodin and my knee still hurts and itches like a bitch. I haven't seen somebody my age in about a week and haven't left this house except to have surgery. I fell asleep trying to make it through Toy Story 3 with my mother this NYE because she wanted to watch it and didn't have anything going on. It wasn't that bad... Maybe I'll feel sorry for you tomorrow, but you should just confirm that you aren't interested. I'm sure the guy you left is having the NYE of his life as well. After all, all he wanted to do was spoil your right to have a fantastic time on the most meaningless of holidays.
Allisha Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 In retrospect I should have done that. I think I will take a break from dating. I have just about had enough. The problem is, at my age taking a break is not something I can afford if I want to have a shot in hell at getting married/having family. The whole biological clock thing can be quite bad in my opinion - it just adds pressure and a time limit almost when really, as cliche as it sounds, dating/finding the right person should be a natural process. You don't have to take a break for years - a few months out of the dating game will probably do you the world of good. And give you enough time to address whatever issues you have that have gotten you into the frame of mind where you need to take a break.
westrock Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 I was at his house and I made up story about having to go and meet up with friends. He was nice about it and even walked me to the station. This may be a justified reason to end the date, which is your right if it was that bad. But how was he supposed to interpret it? If I recall, this was set up very last minute? So, it's very reasonable that you had prior plans with friends. If this was meant as a hint, it is vague considering the circumstances. Not your fault but something to keep in mind. To make things worse he doesn't seem to have gotten the hint. I woke up to the text "So does this mean that you are not interested? I really want to see you again". Actually, it sounds like he did get the hint, but considering the circumstances he wants to confirm with you. If someone wasn't interested in you, how would you like that to be communicated to you? By vague hint or by someone being direct and honest? It's your choice, but you can't go wrong by just telling him you didn't feel a connection. No need to explain any more than that. Happy New Year.
Author OceanGirl Posted January 1, 2011 Author Posted January 1, 2011 How old are you? I'm 32. I'm in the midst of "taking a break." Six months is a good break to get your head back into a better place, and it's not going to set back your life in anyway. Trust me. I have just turned 32 panda. Few months off sounds good - I feel like I am just going through the motions with online dates at this stage
pandagirl Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 I have just turned 32 panda. Few months off sounds good - I feel like I am just going through the motions with online dates at this stage See, and I'm younger than you! You just have to remember to enjoy LIFE; don't be so focused on your love life. It's a sure way to feel miserable. Personally, after breaking up with my ex who I envisioned a future with, I'm looking forward to the new year and getting all my ducks in a row. I want to feel excited about my life again, and I don't want my love life to play an integral role in that -- that can come after everything else.
callingyouuu Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 You should feel sorry for me. That was one of the worst NYEs ever. And I do not want to reply because replying will just open up further conversation. I want to feel sorry for you, I really do, but I'm just absolutely appalled at how self-centered this post makes you sound. It just seems like you're not willing to recognize how you made the other guy feel. I think taking a break is an excellent idea. Best of luck in 2011.
northern_sky Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 OG told me more of the details about what happened with this guy, and he was really coming on strong, despite the fact that she made it obvious she wasn't interested. Even before the date ended, he was already badgering her with questions. He even said, "am I that disgusting." Under normal circumstances I agree that you should respond to a text like that, but I feel like this guy has already crossed the line.
EricaH329 Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 You should feel sorry for me. That was one of the worst NYEs ever. Geez, worst New Years Eve ever?! I'm only 23 years old, and have spent the last 5 NYEs working. The NYE before that, I was in a car, on the highway when the clock struck midnight. I'm having a hard time feeling sorry for you at the moment. I am sorry that your date didn't work out the way you had hoped, but having such high expectations on a first date is never a good idea. If NYE is so important to you, why didn't you make plans doing something you would thoroughly enjoy? Instead of chancing it?
oaks Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 I was at his house and I made up story about having to go and meet up with friends. He was nice about it and even walked me to the station. To make things worse he doesn't seem to have gotten the hint. I woke up to the text "So does this mean that you are not interested? I really want to see you again". Given that you said you were leaving to meet some friends, I wonder if he thought this was a legitimate reason for leaving early rather than a way of you saying you didn't like him. Were you clear that you weren't interested? It sounds like he isn't sure, so a text that just says "Yes, sorry, I'm not interested." (and even the "sorry" is optional) will at least let him know. Then again, not contacting him will also let him know that you aren't interested, but it leaves him hanging for a while until he decides that you aren't going to reply. If he's a reasonable guy then the nice thing to do is a quick text to say you're not interested.
Author OceanGirl Posted January 1, 2011 Author Posted January 1, 2011 Given that you said you were leaving to meet some friends, I wonder if he thought this was a legitimate reason for leaving early rather than a way of you saying you didn't like him. Were you clear that you weren't interested? It sounds like he isn't sure, so a text that just says "Yes, sorry, I'm not interested." (and even the "sorry" is optional) will at least let him know. Then again, not contacting him will also let him know that you aren't interested, but it leaves him hanging for a while until he decides that you aren't going to reply. If he's a reasonable guy then the nice thing to do is a quick text to say you're not interested. I guess I left a bit of the story out. When I told him that I am going to meet my friends he asked to come with me. I told him "No, I want to go alone" to that he said something along the lines "Am I that disgusting?" I told him "I just don't feel comfortable, I have to go". He then insisted on walking me to the station (even though I just wanted to get out of there). After I left he texted me: "Sorry I couldn't be what you wanted. Hope you meet someone you like" I texted back "Thanks. you too." At that point I felt like my lack of interest was clearly communicated. So his meesage next morning was overkill. I don't feel that I am obliged to respond any further.
Surrealist Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 In light of that, it is kind of strange that he sent the follow up text the next morning. Well one thing we can rule out, the guy doesn't have an active account on LoveShack as we would of provided the 'she's not interested, let her go' advice.
oaks Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 After I left he texted me: "Sorry I couldn't be what you wanted. Hope you meet someone you like" I texted back "Thanks. you too." At that point I felt like my lack of interest was clearly communicated. So his meesage next morning was overkill. I don't feel that I am obliged to respond any further. Ahh. Well those texts seem clear, and he even knows that he isn't what you are looking for. So I'm slightly confused by his more recent text, too. Feel free to ignore him, and good luck with the new year. There are nicer guys out there somewhere!
anne1707 Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 I guess I left a bit of the story out. It's more than a bit! This changes everything! You made it clear last night hence no need to respond today. Can I just add - let this be a lesson to you on not going to someone's house on a first date, especially when you have never met him before.
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