justanother Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 Sorry for the lengthy post... Me and my (ex)girlfriend were dating for 9 months. We were both young, and began the relationship when I was in 11th grade and she was in 12th. She is out of high school now and about to start university, and I am on my last semester of hs. Everything was going great, we had tons of fun together, made plans for marriage, picked out names for our kids, and did almost everything together. Over winter break, I had a feeling something was wrong because she never tried initiating conversation with me and every time I asked her if she wanted to hang out she was busy. I felt like I was bothering her, so I gave her some space and stopped texting her for an entire day. At the end of the day she asked if something was wrong and I said I was upset that she wasn't talking to me as much, and she said we would talk tomorrow. Being the idiot that I am, I got excited that I was finally going to talk to her. That day, which was only a couple days ago btw, I got out of the shower and started my computer up as usual, and to my surprise she was online (she hated going on the computer). I didn't expect to talk to her online - I was hoping it would be in person or at least on the phone - and I certainly didn't expect what happened next. She broke up with me, saying she was unhappy and didn't feel for me the way she used to. She had been thinking about this for 2 months and talked to her friends about what would be best, but didn't show any changes in behaviour (that I could see, at least). She talked about her future, saying things like "what will happen when I go to Australia for a semester?" "its always been my dream to move to Australia" and "I'll be busy in university, we won't have time for each other." I told her that we could pull through and that I would support her in every decision she makes. Our conversation went on for about 10 minutes, she said she still cared for me and she was sorry and that she would miss me, but refused to talk about this in person, saying it would only hurt me more. She also said I was the best boyfriend in the world, but when I told her how great she was she replied "no, I was pretty terrible." I begged for her to come back to me (big mistake, I know), and in the middle of the night I asked her if I could still see her because I just wanted to talk (again, big mistake). She said yes, and we agreed to meet on Thursday next week. I have calmed down a lot since then, reviewed our relationship and can say it definitely wasn't as perfect as I thought it was. I realized I was too needy and smothering, in that I would always take the bus with her home even though she said she felt bad about me having to come all that way. I would always get jealous when she hung out with her guy friends but I trusted her completely, I did everything for her but hardly anything for me, I always put myself down. Sometimes I felt depressed when I was with her because I thought I wasn't good enough. Looking back, I would have definitely made changes to the way I behaved. But she wasn't perfect either, I felt I didn't get as much out of the relationship that I deserved. What do you guys think? I don't know what I'm going to say to her on Thursday, but I want to find out WHY she is unhappy, I want to tell her that I realize things weren't perfect and I would definitely do things differently if I had another chance. But I also want to tell her that I respect her decision and move on. I'm so confused, I just desperately want a second chance... any help would be GREATLY appreciated.
krymej Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 Hey man i feel for you i really do. i think you handled it well with your lady. And we always look back with that all too common cringe in regret of how we held the breakup and think what if i just said this to her or if i just said that or i wish i never said what i did. your emotions where screwed up at that moment in time, it sounds like you have taken some time out to reflect and that is always good and a good example of why the NC works too allows us to get our head in check. when i see your girl on thursday just be upbeat and positive it will hurt, i know but you need to look good be calm be cool and be smart. no woman appreciates a needy man begging for them back. tears running down your face and blowing snot bubbles from your nose isn not attractive... ask my ex this has gotta be better than turning up to your meeting all emotionally charged and looking a mess? but its your call man. You sound like you are both young, i sincerely don't mean that in any patronising way and i am sure you feel immensely for her. but she will have so much respect for you if you just accept the breakup like a man and agree thats its perhaps best for the both of you... that will always go a long way. maybe at her young age she needs to see what life is like without you to see what she really had you know? maybe there are dreams you have for the future you wish to achieve also, none the less i really do hope you can find some reconciliation i know what your going through and i know how tough it is. rooting for you my friend
Author justanother Posted January 1, 2011 Author Posted January 1, 2011 when i see your girl on thursday lol But thanks for the support. Maybe the break up was for the best, we are young and have so much to experience and go through. I just wish I could experience it with her.
krymej Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 lol there was a bit of wishful thinking for you! well you will find someone to experience it with that is no doubt! partners are like busses. but the sooner you let go, the easier you are making it for someone else even more special to walk into your life. your best times are yet to come i am sure!
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