bornb4thewind Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 I have recently divorced after a 2 year seperation. My Ex and I have remained close friends and get along fine. My problem is that I seem to have lost my desire to have even the slightest involvement with another woman. In fact, I seem to be mostly numb emotionally. I dont get excited about anything nor do I feel sadness in times such as the death of a friend or co-worker. I sometimes have the desire to have female companionship but feel it is just too much work to act on it. I recently took on a second job and have poured myself into that and my primary job, thus not leaving alot of time for anything else. I feel that I have done this as a means to escape any social interactions. Does anyone know what this is about??
Yer_Blues Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 I have recently divorced after a 2 year seperation. My Ex and I have remained close friends and get along fine. My problem is that I seem to have lost my desire to have even the slightest involvement with another woman. In fact, I seem to be mostly numb emotionally. I dont get excited about anything nor do I feel sadness in times such as the death of a friend or co-worker. I sometimes have the desire to have female companionship but feel it is just too much work to act on it. I recently took on a second job and have poured myself into that and my primary job, thus not leaving alot of time for anything else. I feel that I have done this as a means to escape any social interactions. Does anyone know what this is about?? I've never gone through anything close to this on the relationship level, just to be upfront. So I don't speak from experience on this issue, but just in general. Feel free to discount what I'm saying if it doesn't apply. The pain/loss of your relationship with your ex-wife does not seem to have fully resolved itself yet. By pouring all of your efforts into work and using all of your time on other pursuits, perhaps you are distracting yourself a bit from this void in your life. Numbing out and utilizing distractions is a common response to something that is painful and beyond your control. To get beyond this, I think you may need to fully embrace the reality of your situation and come to terms with it if this is something you feel you may not have already done. Allow yourself to really feel what is causing this desire to escape your reality, and what is preventing you from wanting to pursue another relationship. When you really tune in and listen to what you are feeling on this, you may just find some insight that will help you to realize that you can move forward and may actually want someone new. I wish you the best in your pursuit, because I hate that feeling of being numb/stuck in something.
Author bornb4thewind Posted January 1, 2011 Author Posted January 1, 2011 I've never gone through anything close to this on the relationship level, just to be upfront. So I don't speak from experience on this issue, but just in general. Feel free to discount what I'm saying if it doesn't apply. The pain/loss of your relationship with your ex-wife does not seem to have fully resolved itself yet. By pouring all of your efforts into work and using all of your time on other pursuits, perhaps you are distracting yourself a bit from this void in your life. Numbing out and utilizing distractions is a common response to something that is painful and beyond your control. To get beyond this, I think you may need to fully embrace the reality of your situation and come to terms with it if this is something you feel you may not have already done. Allow yourself to really feel what is causing this desire to escape your reality, and what is preventing you from wanting to pursue another relationship. When you really tune in and listen to what you are feeling on this, you may just find some insight that will help you to realize that you can move forward and may actually want someone new. I wish you the best in your pursuit, because I hate that feeling of being numb/stuck in something. YER, I am afraid to admit that you are probably dead on accurate about the unresolved pain/loss. I too hate being numb and stuck. As always, the solution is usually right in front of us. Thank you for your insight and time. Although I hate it, I know I must finally face reality and deal with my loss. I have put it away and it is now demanding attention. UGH!!! Thanks again.
smilesalot1 Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 YER, I am afraid to admit that you are probably dead on accurate about the unresolved pain/loss. I too hate being numb and stuck. As always, the solution is usually right in front of us. Thank you for your insight and time. Although I hate it, I know I must finally face reality and deal with my loss. I have put it away and it is now demanding attention. UGH!!! Thanks again. What you're describing is a self pitied depression. My boyfriend has it and I believe you both will find you're going to regret not getting back into the saddle later in your lives. This is a time to buck up and take your life back. You lost one woman for some reason or the other so don't lose several opportunity because of someone you couldn't make love you. I truly think loathing over a failed relationship is pathetic. There is NOBODY WORTH CONTINUALLY HURTING OVER.
Author bornb4thewind Posted January 14, 2011 Author Posted January 14, 2011 It's called healing. Give yourself time! Thank you. I will.
Author bornb4thewind Posted January 14, 2011 Author Posted January 14, 2011 What you're describing is a self pitied depression. My boyfriend has it and I believe you both will find you're going to regret not getting back into the saddle later in your lives. This is a time to buck up and take your life back. You lost one woman for some reason or the other so don't lose several opportunity because of someone you couldn't make love you. I truly think loathing over a failed relationship is pathetic. There is NOBODY WORTH CONTINUALLY HURTING OVER. That is true. I guess I do need to buck up. Hope I remember how!!
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