m2s Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 (edited) on Tuesday night to spend some time with our son, and to give him a bath and put him to bed. When I see him, i cant speak to him, I feel like I am very closed and only speak to him about the basics. It hurts me too much to talk to him. i should say i would take him back if he asked me to. How should I be acting? Any advice would be great. Before you say dont let him come, I still want my son to have a relationship with his dad, I dont want to deny him that. He cant help it if his dad is a wanker. And I dont really want my ex to take him away during the week as his bed is here at this stage. Edited January 1, 2011 by m2s
Author m2s Posted January 3, 2011 Author Posted January 3, 2011 does anyone have any advice??? please???
Ms. Joolie Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 I get that you are too hurt to speak, but I'm also going to bet that if you could express yourself fully to him you would feel much better. Wouldn't it be a relief to express yourself to him and let go of those thoughts running you down, whatever they are? Don't be afraid of this, don't be afraid of looking or sounding silly. Just do it for you. If you want your son to have a great relationship with his dad, it's going to have to start with you working on your relationship with his dad. And all relationships take communication. You can start now to let go of the past for the sake of your son and begin a new future.
Author m2s Posted January 3, 2011 Author Posted January 3, 2011 thanks Ms J, but i dont think he really wants to hear what I have to say. I dont really want to tell him either, tht I still love him, that I would do anything to make this realationship work. I just want him to think that my life is just fine and dandy without him here, although I would give almost everything to be with him again, and have my son have his daddy every night, and not have him say to me "daddy no more" again. God, its soooooo much easier without kids, you just break contact and never have to see them again.
carhill Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 I'm amazed, though empathetic, by the difficulty with which people handle these endings. I feel as though my exW should start seminars to teach women to handle divorce and breakups with emotional detachment. She's a professional and a great role-model for ending it smooth and without rancor. Never a waver in her voice; never an apparent tear shed. Beautiful. I recently heard, first-hand, in real life, a similar recounting of such pain and difficulty, though it was/is handled in a markedly different, and perhaps less healthy, way. I hope you can find a path to resolution and communicating that resolution to your ex-spouse. Co-parenting can be a positive experience. Take it one step at a time. *Accept* your hurt. Seek out counsel with friends and family. You're not in it alone. The process won't be perfect. I hope, in time, you can see and accept that what you want and what is healthy for you may be different things. It's up to you to decide your path. Best wishes
Ms. Joolie Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 thanks Ms J, but i dont think he really wants to hear what I have to say. I dont really want to tell him either, tht I still love him, that I would do anything to make this realationship work. I just want him to think that my life is just fine and dandy without him here, although I would give almost everything to be with him again, and have my son have his daddy every night, and not have him say to me "daddy no more" again. You can't go through life only saying what you think others want you to say. You can't go through life not saying what you really want to say either. I have a lot of thoughts and emotions that get in the way of my relationship with the BF right now. I can either let those thoughts run me down or deal with them responsibly. It's up to me to figure out what I need to communicate to my BF. It's up to me share what I'm going through. I suggest that you share what you are going through with your ex. You don't have to do it dramatically. You don't have to leave him with sadness or regret or anger. You can do it powerfully. At any moment you can choose to say something like: "I still love you, and I feel that I would do anything to make our relationship work again, but what is most important to me is your relationship with our son. I want to do everything I can to make that work." Being simple and honest sure beats covering it all up, imo. I believe this way helps you share and let go of what you are going through, communicate what needs to be said and move on with life.
Recommended Posts