ginastar Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 something is stopping me from accepting my break up. My ex and I brought up after 8 years and hes now with someone else for like 5 months now. Something in me keeps saying he will be back. Everytime I see a pic on FB or something my mind says hes doing that to hurt you (and were not friends on there). Most people would just think the guy is living his life, but why do I think he hasnt moved on and is really happy? Is it something I just cant accept? I have some "crumbs" to assume he hasnt moved on, but I try to forget him, work on myself, the whole nine yards, but why do I truely believe his new relationship is a disguise? and I know it shouldnt matter, but it prob would help the moving on process if my head didnt keep telling me he will be back.
SimonSerenade Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 I'm sorry about your current situation, Seeing yourself without somebody after 8 years has got to be rough, My ex split with me 5 months ago too, Not sure if she got with anybody else as I made sure not to ask or check her facebook profile. I think your in a place right now where your still finding it hard to believe after 8 years he could be happy in a relationship pretty much straight after, My honest opinion is a yes and a no, There is a chance he could be happy but after so long together you have to still be on his mind I truly think that's a given. I had a bit of the crumbs this Christmas, Got Christmas presents of her pretty randomly, Came as quite a shock to me, Thought maybe she'd might of moved into a good head space, One were we could talk but I geuss not in the end as it just ended up with me in tears. I feel I'm in the same place, Can't accept it's truly over for good and keep hoping and praying she'll one day be back but that's unhealthy, All we can do is move on, We've gone this far without them now so why stop there, If they come back then great if not then it's there loss cause lets face it, If they give enough of a rats ass then they'll be in contact one day to tell us, Maybe we'll even seen them on here, Till then there not worth a second geuss.
LifeIsGreat Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 something is stopping me from accepting my break up. My ex and I brought up after 8 years and hes now with someone else for like 5 months now. Something in me keeps saying he will be back. Everytime I see a pic on FB or something my mind says hes doing that to hurt you (and were not friends on there). Most people would just think the guy is living his life, but why do I think he hasnt moved on and is really happy? Is it something I just cant accept? I have some "crumbs" to assume he hasnt moved on, but I try to forget him, work on myself, the whole nine yards, but why do I truely believe his new relationship is a disguise? and I know it shouldnt matter, but it prob would help the moving on process if my head didnt keep telling me he will be back. There are many stages to the grieving/break up process. If you feel stuck in any of them too long, please consider that you may want some help progressing. Sometimes that means a professional therapist and/or medication. But also consider that as you move through the stages there is always setbacks and regressions to prior stages. Sometimes you're in multiple stages at the same time even. It seems that it's 3 steps forward 2 steps back. Just the way it goes darnit.
Author ginastar Posted December 31, 2010 Author Posted December 31, 2010 I guess your right that it is just hard to believe so I just dont believe it. People are different ...just because I couldnt jump into another relationship doesnt mean he is uncapable. But deep down I know he loved me so much so I truely question his capability to move on right now and the fact that hes with her 24/7 is odd. he likes someone else that much already? or is it that he cant be alone cuz ull be thinking about me? obv my mind keeps telling me the latter and then i wonder if im in crazy denial.
Author ginastar Posted January 1, 2011 Author Posted January 1, 2011 seriously? cause it hasnt gotten any easier yet and its been almost 5 months:mad:
Fern Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 something is stopping me from accepting my break up. My ex and I brought up after 8 years and hes now with someone else for like 5 months now. Something in me keeps saying he will be back. Everytime I see a pic on FB or something my mind says hes doing that to hurt you (and were not friends on there). Most people would just think the guy is living his life, but why do I think he hasnt moved on and is really happy? Is it something I just cant accept? I have some "crumbs" to assume he hasnt moved on, but I try to forget him, work on myself, the whole nine yards, but why do I truely believe his new relationship is a disguise? and I know it shouldnt matter, but it prob would help the moving on process if my head didnt keep telling me he will be back. I feel exactly the same - like my intuition is telling me he'll be back eventually. But unlike you - that makes me feel powerful because if he ever does come back I'll tell him where to go. You KNOW he has a far more powerful connection with you after 8 years and when the honeymoon wears off she'll stop looking so new and you'll stop looking so old. But so what? Nothing's changed, you haven't fixed it. He'll do it again eventually. Why put yourself through it?
Author ginastar Posted January 1, 2011 Author Posted January 1, 2011 he broke up with me. two weeks later he hung out with this girl and slowly got more serious with her. when does this honeymoon phase wear off anyway??? I think he trying to be all happy with her now, and i think hes fooling everyone. BUt I think deep down he knows hes not all that happy about her.
Zella Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 ginastar, just wanted to see how you are doing? For me it's been over a month now of NC. And today I saw my ex with the new girl. I was in my car and don't think they saw me, but it feels like I just fell to square one. Your situation is very similar to mine, and I have the exact same questions you are posting. I have to believe that time heals all...
violetRain Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 haha, i have the exact situation as you just that mine is 7 years and is that he got together with the beech before he broke up with me =x just last month that we officially broke up. however it seemed like months! and till today he haven told me anything about the truth! blamed everything on me. anyway he has flew to australia, so its NC from then. but still it sucks to have thoughts like that occationally.. especially when comparing, why can he move on so fast when you are still so slow behind.. =(
Zella Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 What do I know, maybe he was with her while we were together. I just found out two weeks after the break up. Really trying to move on regardless. No point in questioning. Just know that I don't want to ever be with someone like that again. I still dream about him every night, ugh
0hpenelope Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 especially when comparing, why can he move on so fast when you are still so slow behind.. =( It's the ones who check out of the relationship before actually breaking up that are capable of moving on fast. I'm thinking of my ex this way and you know what? I can, too.
Movingthrough Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Im probably going to make a post about this but i figured i would answer here a little bit. I have been going to a Psychologist in the last few weeks. My breakup brought out a lot of issues that i used relationships to cover up, so im not there only for my breakup, something i should have done years ago. Anyway, the first few sessions i didnt really gain anything from it. The last session felt very rushed, she had back to back patients and i actually considered going somewhere else, i hate to feel like a brick in the wall. But right before i left she said something to me which is basically what you are saying. Breakups are tough, but when someone holds on and "pinns" for so long there is something there, this "thing" that is making us do that. I just read an article in a Psych today magazine that said its all about our childhood and how much attention we had etc. Thats not really new news, most people have heard that. It also said that certain people that are confident enough in what they have, hurt, feel the pain and move on. Ones like us and most that are on here seem to sit on it a little more, and we keep looking for that "thing" that makes us hold on. Just like you, i have had this gut feeling that i will hear from her again, and usually my gut feelings are very accurate. So it makes me hold on. The problem is thats not the mindset we should be in, the reality is what they did we dont like, so why would we want to be with someone like that? Its that "thing" that makes us hold on. Im still trying to figure out what my thing is, but that takes time looking at you from the inside out. Once you find that thing im sure it can be fixed. the Psych doc i have been seeing said the same thing, he said there is no doubt that you can get through what you are feeling and that you CAN find someone else, but you have to watch those red flags (we all had them) and make sure you dont repeat the same mistakes.
Author ginastar Posted January 29, 2011 Author Posted January 29, 2011 hey zella, i just realized you posted on this thread and had a similiar situation to me....what was your situation?? have you kept nc?
Zella Posted January 29, 2011 Posted January 29, 2011 ginastar, my ex fiance broke up with me after four years and I found out he was out with a new girl two weeks later. Now it's been two months since nc. He was very rude when he broke up. Like he was not the person I knew. So I don't even think of contacting him because I know it will make me feel worse. Just like you, I don't know how this could just happen, and still have hope he will come to his senses. But I know I never want to give him the chance again to make me feel like this. Someone told me if you make it to 60 days of nc, you will feel better... Not true. I am trying hard to see all the positives, but I know when a bad day is coming as soon as I wake up thinking about him. How long has it been for you?
Zella Posted January 29, 2011 Posted January 29, 2011 (edited) I really hope it gets better. Edited January 29, 2011 by Zella
Author ginastar Posted January 29, 2011 Author Posted January 29, 2011 hey, its been about since Sept. But there was on and off times where he text me and i responded (SO DUMB OF ME) . The last I heard from him was early dec. I wake up everyday and think of this still. I know its going to take awhile for me or maybe even until I meet someone else. I still want them to break up so bad. I hope my ex becomes a player this summer. It would feel better. How did your ex meet the new girl? and how old are u?
Author ginastar Posted January 29, 2011 Author Posted January 29, 2011 Oh I just saw ur age . What state are you in? I cant send you a private message
9Lives Posted January 29, 2011 Posted January 29, 2011 Oh I just saw ur age . What state are you in? I cant send you a private message I think it is very normal for you to feel the way you do. I feel like that at times but since he broke up with me and has someone else. I try not to let my mind go there. It is hard. I wear a ring on my pointer finger as a sign of moving forward and when I have crazy thoughts, I just squeeze the ring to tell myself to stop. I know it sounds crazy but it helps me to stop some of the thoughts. When you love someone, love dont just disappear in your heart. he was already ahead of you so that is why it is easier for him. Just keep posting. Do not contact him and with time, it will be better. You are going to have ups and downs but it will be okay eventually. He will contact you again. It will not mean you are getting back together. It just means you are on his mind. Just keep moving forward cause really and truly....you cant do anything about it. it best to keep moving forward as best as you can right now.
Zella Posted January 29, 2011 Posted January 29, 2011 I have no clue how he met her. It's hard to comprehend how someone can just go from one long relationship into the next. There is no way that I could go out with someone else right now because all I would do is compare. How can he do it? One day want to marry someone and literally the next day go out with someone else??? I guess I never knew him at all. I'm just disappointed this moving on thing takes so long. I'm tired of feeling this pain in my heart. I'm from Missouri. Why you ask? From my age, you can tell that I'm not into the night life that much any more. Maybe I'm just used to being in a relationship, who knows? Besides work and gym, I'm pretty much stuck at home trying to move on. You have any suggestions?
Author ginastar Posted January 30, 2011 Author Posted January 30, 2011 u never asked how he met her? yea i dont understand either how you can be with someone for so long and then just be with someone else and forget the other person. I feel like if I met someone I like though I could be with them, bc my feelings of my ex changed. but i would never have been the first to do it to him. do u have facebook? does the new girl have fb or your ex? i am stuck home a lot too, no one wants to go out anymore. most of my friends are married. do u have an email address so i can private message u?
z00m25 Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 know exactly how both you guys feel.. a couple weeks ago we were looking at rings talking about getting married. now were three weeks broken up, she moved out of state back home and is talking to all kind of guys and planning on moving in with some other girl who was just divorced. dont see how you can just change so quick after spending so much time with each other.
Zella Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 My email address is [email protected] It would be interesting if from this experience I gained a new friend When he broke up with me, I thought everything was clear that he wanted me out of his life. Then when I found out he had a new girlfriend, I pretty much figured why he broke up with me. It hurt so bad. If I would have talked to him after that, it would have hurt me even more. He was not concerned AT ALL about how I felt. He would always turn everything around and make it look like it's my fault. I did not want to look weak in front of him any more. So I never asked about the girl or anything else for that matter. It was just a coincidence that a friend of mine saw him with the new girl and that's how I found out. I have no idea who she is, nor do I have the guts to find out yet. z00m25, sorry about your loss. I'm not in the situation to say that everything will be good again, because I don't know. There is nothing left to do besides have hope that things will turn out good for us.
Author ginastar Posted January 31, 2011 Author Posted January 31, 2011 zoom you can be happy that shes not with another guy at least and she is taking her time to figure it out. I wish my ex was with a million girls and not just one cause it makes everything different.
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