Tsunade Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 My ex broke up with me last November, and I think I've committed every mistake in the book. I begged him to come back a week after, and I got angry with him... But eventually I said I needed space and didn't contact him for three weeks. However I spoke to two mutual friends of ours during that time and told them that I didn't understand why he broke up with me. They talked to him and got me an explanation, and he simply said that he was tired of being in a relationship and just wanted to be single. After that conversation I contacted him and tried being friends again, and it was working well until another friend, who I have never spoken to about our relationship, told him that I was asking about him a lot and that I was trying hard to win him back and that I was facebook stalking him. I feel very hurt and betrayed because I have never confided in him, and I dont think he realized the damage he's done. Now my ex is freaked out. I haven't spoken to him about it for a couple weeks now, but I'm not sure how to reconcile the situation. I don't want to confront him because I think that will just make things worse. But I do want my ex back, but I'm afraid this setback has pushed him away forever.
january2010 Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 If your friends are to be believed, he asked for space, I suggest giving it to him. As in your case, trying to chase after someone who wants space usually results in that person trying to get as far away from you as possible. Go full NC (delete and block) so that you're in a better position to deal with him if he does indeed come back. I'd also suggest not involving your friends again. Your message will be diluted and distorted, which will result in even more confusion and drama.
Author Tsunade Posted December 31, 2010 Author Posted December 31, 2010 I guess I'm just freaked out that he won't ever want to come back. Does NC work the second time around?
homebrew Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 I guess I'm just freaked out that he won't ever want to come back. Does NC work the second time around? Tsunage, Click on my name, then click statistics, then click on threads started by me. Read through all of them and come back and share what you learned or any questions you might have.
january2010 Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 If it's any comfort to you, many of us go through that freaking out stage. NC definitely works. For you. It's about time and space for you to heal so that you're better able to handle whatever comes your way concerning your ex. The hard part is sticking to NC. It's a rollercoaster-ride and a ghost train rolled into one. You have to stay the course and go through it, there's no going around and bypassing everything. But you can do it. Many of those who are further along the path are testament to the fact that there's hope at the end of it, not necessarily for your relationship, but definitely for you.
Author Tsunade Posted December 31, 2010 Author Posted December 31, 2010 Tsunage, Click on my name, then click statistics, then click on threads started by me. Read through all of them and come back and share what you learned or any questions you might have. The main thing I've learned from your posts is to avoid contact and wait it out. It's good advice. And I think my ex is experiencing GIGS, since he's meeting new people, working out, and recently got set up on a date (I only found out by accident... Not snooping). But given my situation, how can he possibly want to reconcile if his friend already portrayed me as a crazy psycho ex? I feel like everything is too late now.
homebrew Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 The main thing I've learned from your posts is to avoid contact and wait it out. It's good advice. And I think my ex is experiencing GIGS, since he's meeting new people, working out, and recently got set up on a date (I only found out by accident... Not snooping). But given my situation, how can he possibly want to reconcile if his friend already portrayed me as a crazy psycho ex? I feel like everything is too late now. Let's assume at the moment that your EX believes his friend... Do you think calling him, texting him, emailing him, etc. is going to change his opinion of you or only reinforce what his friend said? If you care about, love and respect your EX... then you will prove it by giving him the SPACE and TIME he asked for. All you are doing at the moment is driving your EX further away, confirming to him that he made the right decision to end things with you and validating what his friend is saying about you.
Author Tsunade Posted December 31, 2010 Author Posted December 31, 2010 You're right. I haven't spoken with him since. I just feel so vilified and want to clear my name. But I suppose I can explain that when he calms down, but I don't know when that will be.
homebrew Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 You're right. I haven't spoken with him since. I just feel so vilified and want to clear my name. But I suppose I can explain that when he calms down, but I don't know when that will be. Welcome to the party!
Author Tsunade Posted December 31, 2010 Author Posted December 31, 2010 Haha as long as everything is "not too late." I can live with that.
homebrew Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 It's never "too late"... but even if there was such a thing as "too late"... You can't do anything to change it anyway.
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