newpriorities Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 Or defending our country. Also very true.
summerdowling87 Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 I know it suck big time to be let down esp.By the on you care about and, he a jerk for doing so. In that I hope you have a nice New Years
Fieldsofgold Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 Why should she *hate* him? Why should she fell the need to hate? I don't know the backstory, but wasn't she a part too? Why would you encourage *anyone* to hate someone else? Ah, the mind of a WS!
Author ItsNeverForever Posted December 31, 2010 Author Posted December 31, 2010 Why should she *hate* him? Why should she fell the need to hate? I don't know the backstory, but wasn't she a part too? Why would you encourage *anyone* to hate someone else? Ok, HMH...I'll play. How about you go read my backstory, then tell me about the view from your spot on the fence. Tell me why I shouldn't "hate" this man...honestly, I'd really like to know. Although I'm pretty sure Izzy got it right already...
awkward Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 I'm so sorry. Do not let this man ruin another day of your life. I think you even see beforehand that he is going to let you down. You know it. We know it. He knows it. Now you have to do something about that. Show him the door. You're better than this. He just doesn't get it. 2011 is going to be a great year for you. Make it happen.
awkward Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 Why should she *hate* him? Why should she fell the need to hate? I don't know the backstory, but wasn't she a part too? Why would you encourage *anyone* to hate someone else? Fence sitters hurt everyone around them including those they love or claim to love. Many fence sitters end up alone because they choose to not make a choice. Get off the fence HMH and start healing.
fooled once Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 First things first, his babymama/girlfriend/SO did not cause him to not get together with you. HE CHOSE to not get together with you. If it is so "over" with her, he would have gotten together with you. But obviously, he values her happiness way more than yours. And until you really get that, you will stay on this ride. I have a feeling you aren't done yet You won't be able to move past this if you continue to base your worth on whether someone wants to be with you. Your worth has to come from within and not without. You have to believe that you are worthy of your own husband and not someone else's lying cheating husband that continues to hurt you and let you down. How much more pain and disappointment can you bear?? I have been there and there is a slim to none future in loving a married man. Change your numbers emails etc and start your life fresh for the new year. Your heart will hurt and you will miss the good parts that he showed you. However, after a while your heart will heal and you will start to see him for who he really is. (((HUGS))) Exactly! Yeah, I know. I know better. I know what I'm worth. It's just hard to admit that I'm doing this to myself, it HURTS like a mofo, and sometimes I can't help but wallow. I know I'll be fine. It goes back to my abusive childhood. Once the excruciating pain of the beating is over, everything will be fine. So sometimes I have to hurt in order to feel better. Sucks. Thanks for the hugs, I sure do need 'em. @ Red & HoaH - I sure WISH I could do something fun like cook with friends, or at least find something fun to do. Our afternoon "date" was to be my New Year's celebration, bc tonite I am stuck (that sounds so rotten given her recent health issues, but if you knew the relationship dynamic you might understand better) sitting with my mother so she doesn't cry all night for being left alone. All of my friends went out of town for NY. My whole extended family goes on a New Year's camping trip not far from here each year, and I SO want to be there right now. But I can't leave her alone. I can't even have a drink (she's a judgmental teetotaler). So nice thought, but *siiiiiigh* I'll be at her house in my PJ's, stuck watching her crime show reruns with my kiddo who's totally bummed that we're not camping. (BTW, kiddo is very smart and intuitive, he knows his grandma's game and quite dislikes her for the way she treats me, as well as him - he doesn't care much for spending a lot of time with her, either, even though I'm constantly trying to play devil's advocate to make sure that he's forming his own opinions about her and not taking on any projections I might give.) His Christmas was crappy bc I couldn't afford to get him anything he wanted, and now so is his NYE. Needless to say, I don't feel like the greatest Mom right now and that just compounds my misery. Anyway, neither here not there, bc it can't be helped. So once again, you are allowing others to dictate to you what you will do and when you will do it. If you don't want to sit with your mom, DON'T. Seems no one else in your family feels the say way about mom being alone. You are allowing her to make your choices for you. Don't blame her - she has no gun to your head. YOU are making the choice to give up your evening to spend it with her. You have free will hon. Use it. INF, When you want this to end it will, until then realize this is all YOUR CHOICE. For now, you haven't cried enough, lost enough, been miserable enough to leave. When you have lost all there is to lose, you'll leave. I just hope you can reclaim all that you surrendered when you reach that point. Agree
Fieldsofgold Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 You know, it sounds to me like your mom is manipulative, and perhaps emotionally abusive. Your BF/SO is manipulative and emotionally abusive. Pattern, maybe?
Author ItsNeverForever Posted January 2, 2011 Author Posted January 2, 2011 You know, it sounds to me like your mom is manipulative, and perhaps emotionally abusive. Your BF/SO is manipulative and emotionally abusive. Pattern, maybe? Fooled, FoG...oh yes, I'm well aware of the the nature of the relationship with my mother, It is and always has been just as you describe. As much as I hate it, though, I tolerate it bc she is my only support system when it comes to the kiddo...I hate talking about it bc it's so effed up but I really DON'T have anyone else to count on I will also agree with the idea that "MM" is manipulative for his own benefit, & of course my experience with being manipilated makes me the perfect victim for it, doesn't it? Oy. He's still workin it, too. Pulled out the big guns this morning with his Happy New Year text, using his pet name for me (he hasn't pulled that out for at least a month). I read it, tossed my phone aside & spent the rest of my day in a numb state, sitting with the fact that it's all nothing. He is nothing. It hurts. On with my life, without him.
calliope Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 Fooled, FoG...oh yes, I'm well aware of the the nature of the relationship with my mother, It is and always has been just as you describe. As much as I hate it, though, I tolerate it bc she is my only support system when it comes to the kiddo...I hate talking about it bc it's so effed up but I really DON'T have anyone else to count on I will also agree with the idea that "MM" is manipulative for his own benefit, & of course my experience with being manipilated makes me the perfect victim for it, doesn't it? Oy. He's still workin it, too. Pulled out the big guns this morning with his Happy New Year text, using his pet name for me (he hasn't pulled that out for at least a month). I read it, tossed my phone aside & spent the rest of my day in a numb state, sitting with the fact that it's all nothing. He is nothing. It hurts. On with my life, without him. I really have nothing constructive to say here (sorry!) but I just wanted to let you know I read the thread and am thinking about you..... {hugs}
2themoon&back Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 ItsNeverForever, I just wanted to say Happy New Year to you!! I have plenty to say but am ill at the moment and I am not sure it would make much sense, not sure that is just because I am ill but my heart goes out to you and I wanted you to know I was thinking about you !!! ((((hugs)))) As long as you keep waking up, to me is a pretty good start to any day and that may be the day that changes everything....I have all the faith in the world "we" will get where we are going no matter how many wrong turns we take, sometimes those turns are not wrong just unplanned. I also know that I personally do not make the same mistake twice.... I like to make it so many times till I have perfected the mistake!! I love this quote: I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work. - Thomas A. Edison My perception exactly! And I did not get this way over night and I will not change it over night...but I will change it and so will you when you are ready and when you feel it is costing you more to stay where you are than to move away from it. Please forgive any rambling and if my post is out of place I just wanted to speak ………take care of yourself!!!!
calliope Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 2themoon&back ... I will change it and so will you when you are ready and when you feel it is costing you more to stay where you are than to move away from it. I love this quote...!
2themoon&back Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 2themoon&back ... I will change it and so will you when you are ready and when you feel it is costing you more to stay where you are than to move away from it. I love this quote...! thank you .........
pureinheart Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 Fooled, FoG...oh yes, I'm well aware of the the nature of the relationship with my mother, It is and always has been just as you describe. As much as I hate it, though, I tolerate it bc she is my only support system when it comes to the kiddo...I hate talking about it bc it's so effed up but I really DON'T have anyone else to count on I will also agree with the idea that "MM" is manipulative for his own benefit, & of course my experience with being manipilated makes me the perfect victim for it, doesn't it? Oy. He's still workin it, too. Pulled out the big guns this morning with his Happy New Year text, using his pet name for me (he hasn't pulled that out for at least a month). I read it, tossed my phone aside & spent the rest of my day in a numb state, sitting with the fact that it's all nothing. He is nothing. It hurts. On with my life, without him. ItsNeverForever, I just wanted to say Happy New Year to you!! I have plenty to say but am ill at the moment and I am not sure it would make much sense, not sure that is just because I am ill but my heart goes out to you and I wanted you to know I was thinking about you !!! ((((hugs)))) As long as you keep waking up, to me is a pretty good start to any day and that may be the day that changes everything....I have all the faith in the world "we" will get where we are going no matter how many wrong turns we take, sometimes those turns are not wrong just unplanned. I also know that I personally do not make the same mistake twice.... I like to make it so many times till I have perfected the mistake!! I love this quote: I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work. - Thomas A. Edison My perception exactly! And I did not get this way over night and I will not change it over night...but I will change it and so will you when you are ready and when you feel it is costing you more to stay where you are than to move away from it. Please forgive any rambling and if my post is out of place I just wanted to speak ………take care of yourself!!!! (((((((hugs)))))) to both you guys....
Author ItsNeverForever Posted January 2, 2011 Author Posted January 2, 2011 (((((((hugs)))))) to both you guys.... Well, maybe I am making a little progress. Driving home tonite Purple Rain came on the radio. One day we were talking about what song we'd want played at our funerals (morbid!). Purple Rain is my favorite song ever of all time, and I never understood why being such a happy person, since it's a such a sad song, aside from the fact that musically it's just a completely gorgeous composition. So anyway, I told him that I want that song at my funeral, & he had said not only would he play that song for me, but he would get that motorcycle from the movie & ride it at the head of the procession...laughing that he wouldn't be thrilled about wearing the lacy, ruffly shirt, but for me, he'd do it. So I smiled tonite at that memory, then came the lyric, "baby I could never steal you from another...it's such a shame our friendship had to end." I instantly broke into heaving sobs. So, maybe I'm finally grieving. And I'll take it. Movement. Stages.
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