Must be in the air; I'm back to the drawing board, too.

[ItsNeverForever]

Sigh. I'm holding up better than I thought I would, only crying instead of crying ANd throwing up. I think it's because I'm just so tired of the BS. without getting into too much detail, I've allowed "MM" to let me down again, and I could just shoot myself for it. This past week, after I got mad at him on Christmas, he has been ALL OVER me. So much so that it felt like he was courting me again, and I almost halfway started to believe he was going to bring me good news for the new year. HEH. I SO know better. I saw him briefly on Tuesday, it was a nice time, during which we had made plans to do something fun this afternoon with our time off. Of course, he just texted me to say that our plans are off, because of her.

 

And I'm surprised and let down and hurt again WHYYY???

 

This is it. I've already written the email. He is not to contact me anymore. I can't take it, and I don't deserve it.

 

I wrecked my own day. Hate myself.

[redcurls]

Sigh. I'm holding up better than I thought I would, only crying instead of crying ANd throwing up. I think it's because I'm just so tired of the BS. without getting into too much detail, I've allowed "MM" to let me down again, and I could just shoot myself for it. This past week, after I got mad at him on Christmas, he has been ALL OVER me. So much so that it felt like he was courting me again, and I almost halfway started to believe he was going to bring me good news for the new year. HEH. I SO know better. I saw him briefly on Tuesday, it was a nice time, during which we had made plans to do something fun this afternoon with our time off. Of course, he just texted me to say that our plans are off, because of her.

 

And I'm surprised and let down and hurt again WHYYY???

 

This is it. I've already written the email. He is not to contact me anymore. I can't take it, and I don't deserve it.

 

I wrecked my own day. Hate myself.

 

No! You didn't wreck you day! This is a wonderful day! Because you just realize that you are worth soooo much more. You are a lovely girl, INF, and this is a NEW year - it will be an amazing one!

[TigerCub]

INF don't hate yourself, hate him!

 

He's the cruel ********* that's willing to toy with your emotions knowing full well how deeply you care about him - he doesn't seem to have any regard for you or your feelings, and he insists on dragging you down such a dark path just to get what he wants.

 

He never deserved you and you never deserved all the crap you're putting up with.

 

If you want to send him the letter for closure - do it.

But I personally think that he doesn't even deserve the time you spent writing the letter.

 

If you want him completely out of your life for good - you need to burn that bridge.

 

Your day is not ruined, go out and do something fun for yourself, and just close the door on this ridiculously humiliating and painful "relationship"

 

Start your new year off right and erase that selfish lying manipulative loser from your life for good.

 

** HUGS **

[ItsNeverForever]

No! You didn't wreck you day! This is a wonderful day! Because you just realize that you are worth soooo much more. You are a lovely girl, INF, and this is a NEW year - it will be an amazing one!

 

Not really. Clearly I'm not worth it or he would be with me. And I DID wreck my own day, because I didn't shut him out long ago like I should have.

[redcurls]

Not really. Clearly I'm not worth it or he would be with me. And I DID wreck my own day, because I didn't shut him out long ago like I should have.

 

He is BLIND to what is right in front of his eyes and too ignorant to comprehend how amazing you are.

 

Would you like to come help me cook a wonderful new year's eve feast? I'm having friends for dinner tonight. I'm determined to send this asshat that used to be my MM to enjoy the rest of his life without me - you should do the same!

 

I am, as you are, too good for him!

[jthorne]

Keep banging your head against a brick wall, all you're gonna get is a hurt head.

 

Happy New Year, sweets.

[sugarmomma]

Not really. Clearly I'm not worth it or he would be with me.

 

You won't be able to move past this if you continue to base your worth on whether someone wants to be with you.

 

Your worth has to come from within and not without. You have to believe that you are worthy of your own husband and not someone else's lying cheating husband that continues to hurt you and let you down.

 

How much more pain and disappointment can you bear?? I have been there and there is a slim to none future in loving a married man.

 

Change your numbers emails etc and start your life fresh for the new year. Your heart will hurt and you will miss the good parts that he showed you. However, after a while your heart will heal and you will start to see him for who he really is.

 

(((HUGS)))

[half_ofa_heart]

Not really. Clearly I'm not worth it or he would be with me. And I DID wreck my own day, because I didn't shut him out long ago like I should have.

 

oh no INF! Never ever think like that. You are worth soooo very much more. We all are and somehow we let ouselves believe this nonsense. You deserve better and you will get better - just believe it!

 

As hard as it sounds - pick yourself up and find something to do tonight. You will not regret it. Do something to make YOU happy.

 

BIG HUGS

[spice4life]

You won't be able to move past this if you continue to base your worth on whether someone wants to be with you.

 

Your worth has to come from within and not without. You have to believe that you are worthy of your own husband and not someone else's lying cheating husband that continues to hurt you and let you down.

 

How much more pain and disappointment can you bear?? I have been there and there is a slim to none future in loving a married man.

 

Change your numbers emails etc and start your life fresh for the new year. Your heart will hurt and you will miss the good parts that he showed you. However, after a while your heart will heal and you will start to see him for who he really is.

 

(((HUGS)))

 

sugarmomma is dead on. Of course you are worth it and now the only thing you have to figure out is why you don't see it. Why not make a promise to yourself that in 2011 you will be happy with your life whether someone is in it or not. That's the key. Once you do that, then someone who is worthy of your time and attention will walk into your life when you least expect it. When you are living your life and not looking for happiness to come from the outside, happiness will find you.

 

You could look at it this way, at least you aren't stuck and you have a ton of choices. You are free!

 

So pick yourself up by the boot straps girl and don't let this man ruin another day for you!

[YellowShark]

How much more pain and disappointment can you bear?? I have been there and there is a slim to none future in loving a married man.

 

And this is what I was talking about in siuys's thread. I just don't get it. Relationships are hard enough when both people are single so why do women like siuys and ItsNeverForever hook up with men who are married and are essentially just using them?

 

First of all these men are throwing their own wives under a bus to cheat, then they are dragging women like siuys and ItsNeverForever through emotional hell with false promises and frankly out and out lies. So where's the attraction? Seriously?

 

I am not being cruel or disrespectful but it's like dating an alcoholic and then blubbering on why he's drunk all the time. Well it's because he's an alcoholic for ***** sakes! Same with married men. It's not something in the air, it's because he's m-a-r-r-i-e-d! It simply boggles my mind why women put up with this crap from cheating married men.

[ItsNeverForever]

You won't be able to move past this if you continue to base your worth on whether someone wants to be with you.

 

Your worth has to come from within and not without. You have to believe that you are worthy of your own husband and not someone else's lying cheating husband that continues to hurt you and let you down.

 

How much more pain and disappointment can you bear?? I have been there and there is a slim to none future in loving a married man.

 

Change your numbers emails etc and start your life fresh for the new year. Your heart will hurt and you will miss the good parts that he showed you. However, after a while your heart will heal and you will start to see him for who he really is.

 

(((HUGS)))

 

Yeah, I know. I know better. I know what I'm worth. It's just hard to admit that I'm doing this to myself, it HURTS like a mofo, and sometimes I can't help but wallow. I know I'll be fine. It goes back to my abusive childhood. Once the excruciating pain of the beating is over, everything will be fine. So sometimes I have to hurt in order to feel better. Sucks.

 

Thanks for the hugs, I sure do need 'em.

 

@ Red & HoaH - I sure WISH I could do something fun like cook with friends, or at least find something fun to do. Our afternoon "date" was to be my New Year's celebration, bc tonite I am stuck (that sounds so rotten given her recent health issues, but if you knew the relationship dynamic you might understand better) sitting with my mother so she doesn't cry all night for being left alone. All of my friends went out of town for NY. My whole extended family goes on a New Year's camping trip not far from here each year, and I SO want to be there right now. But I can't leave her alone. I can't even have a drink (she's a judgmental teetotaler). So nice thought, but *siiiiiigh* I'll be at her house in my PJ's, stuck watching her crime show reruns with my kiddo who's totally bummed that we're not camping. (BTW, kiddo is very smart and intuitive, he knows his grandma's game and quite dislikes her for the way she treats me, as well as him - he doesn't care much for spending a lot of time with her, either, even though I'm constantly trying to play devil's advocate to make sure that he's forming his own opinions about her and not taking on any projections I might give.)

 

His Christmas was crappy bc I couldn't afford to get him anything he wanted, and now so is his NYE. Needless to say, I don't feel like the greatest Mom right now and that just compounds my misery. Anyway, neither here not there, bc it can't be helped.

[half_ofa_heart]

Yeah, I know. I know better. I know what I'm worth. It's just hard to admit that I'm doing this to myself, it HURTS like a mofo, and sometimes I can't help but wallow. I know I'll be fine. It goes back to my abusive childhood. Once the excruciating pain of the beating is over, everything will be fine. So sometimes I have to hurt in order to feel better. Sucks.

 

Thanks for the hugs, I sure do need 'em.

 

@ Red & HoaH - I sure WISH I could do something fun like cook with friends, or at least find something fun to do. Our afternoon "date" was to be my New Year's celebration, bc tonite I am stuck (that sounds so rotten given her recent health issues, but if you knew the relationship dynamic you might understand better) sitting with my mother so she doesn't cry all night for being left alone. All of my friends went out of town for NY. My whole extended family goes on a New Year's camping trip not far from here each year, and I SO want to be there right now. But I can't leave her alone. I can't even have a drink (she's a judgmental teetotaler). So nice thought, but *siiiiiigh* I'll be at her house in my PJ's, stuck watching her crime show reruns with my kiddo who's totally bummed that we're not camping. (BTW, kiddo is very smart and intuitive, he knows his grandma's game and quite dislikes her for the way she treats me, as well as him - he doesn't care much for spending a lot of time with her, either, even though I'm constantly trying to play devil's advocate to make sure that he's forming his own opinions about her and not taking on any projections I might give.)

 

His Christmas was crappy bc I couldn't afford to get him anything he wanted, and now so is his NYE. Needless to say, I don't feel like the greatest Mom right now and that just compounds my misery. Anyway, neither here not there, bc it can't be helped.

 

Oh honey, this needs to be your first lesson. I love my mother and I understand where you're coming from but right now... YOU need to be your first priority as well as your child. Your mom will get over it and so what if she doesn't. I grew up with the guilt of my mom and fell for it every time and that's how we learn to put OTHERS feelings ahead of our own and subsequently lose sight of what we need to make us happy. It's there that we begin to learn that we are not worthy of anything good and settle for less (like a MM).

 

I say find out if your kiddo has a friend that he can spend the night with and find yourself a fun place to hang with friends. Your mom has lived her life and this is YOUR life now so go out and live it!!!! I wish you were here because I wouldn't let you do what you are thinking of doing.

[Fieldsofgold]

sugarmomma is dead on. Of course you are worth it and now the only thing you have to figure out is why you don't see it. Why not make a promise to yourself that in 2011 you will be happy with your life whether someone is in it or not. That's the key. Once you do that, then someone who is worthy of your time and attention will walk into your life when you least expect it. When you are living your life and not looking for happiness to come from the outside, happiness will find you.

 

You could look at it this way, at least you aren't stuck and you have a ton of choices. You are free!

 

So pick yourself up by the boot straps girl and don't let this man ruin another day for you!

 

Ok. Now I'm mad! These d*cow@ds just don't quit, do they?

 

Are they mentally ill, and don't recognize the mayhem and destruction they are causing the women (and children) they love the most?

 

Do they secretly hate women, and want to hurt them?

 

Are they so ego-deprived that they need to see multiple women wanting them?

 

WHY???? Do they do these things? When they KNOW FULL WELL they will not be able to follow through. Grrrrrrrr

 

INF, you are totally cool. I know you hurt, I understand you being mad at yourself, too. But DO NOT LET THIS AZZCLOWN DEFINE YOUR SELF-WORTH.

 

You deserve sooo much better, and you will have it!!

[Fieldsofgold]

I just read your post about your kid.

 

Why don't you and your kid go do something fun together this afternoon, for your NYE celebration?

 

Then maybe both of you will feel a little less cheated.

[desertIslandCactus]

Sigh. I'm holding up better than I thought I would, only crying instead of crying ANd throwing up. I think it's because I'm just so tired of the BS. without getting into too much detail, I've allowed "MM" to let me down again, and I could just shoot myself for it. This past week, after I got mad at him on Christmas, he has been ALL OVER me. So much so that it felt like he was courting me again, and I almost halfway started to believe he was going to bring me good news for the new year. HEH. I SO know better. I saw him briefly on Tuesday, it was a nice time, during which we had made plans to do something fun this afternoon with our time off. Of course, he just texted me to say that our plans are off, because of her.

 

And I'm surprised and let down and hurt again WHYYY???

 

This is it. I've already written the email. He is not to contact me anymore. I can't take it, and I don't deserve it.

 

I wrecked my own day. Hate myself.

 

You are Funny ... and perky through your posts..

[desertIslandCactus]

Not really. Clearly I'm not worth it or he would be with me. And I DID wreck my own day, because I didn't shut him out long ago like I should have.

 

ummmm .. Who makes the determination if you are Worth it. If God wanted you to have this life, He would make it Easy for you!!!

 

Think about this: Two people meet, marry, and hopefully live happily ever after ..... Orrrrrr ... A man and a woman - one or both are married, they divorce, and marry the OM or OW.

 

Now which of these two scenerios has the most Honor and decency .. and which one has the forever after stain stain stain ...

[desertIslandCactus]

ummmm .. Who makes the determination if you are Worth it. If God wanted you to have this life, He would make it Easy for you!!!

 

Think about this: Two people meet, marry, and hopefully live happily ever after ..... Orrrrrr ... A man and a woman - one or both are married, they divorce, and marry the OM or OW.

 

Now which of these two scenerios has the most Honor and decency .. and which one has the forever after stain stain stain ...

 

Forgive me INF .. had not read your story.

 

Assumed you were in a R with a MM, due to the forum. Just now read.. your beginning.

 

Although not a M relationship, still the R is complicated due to the fact they have a child together. Even if she finds another, your friend and her will still have that bond.

 

You will have to wait, to find out if your relationship is meant to be.

[ItsNeverForever]

sugarmomma is dead on. Of course you are worth it and now the only thing you have to figure out is why you don't see it. Why not make a promise to yourself that in 2011 you will be happy with your life whether someone is in it or not. That's the key. Once you do that, then someone who is worthy of your time and attention will walk into your life when you least expect it. When you are living your life and not looking for happiness to come from the outside, happiness will find you.

 

You could look at it this way, at least you aren't stuck and you have a ton of choices. You are free!

 

So pick yourself up by the boot straps girl and don't let this man ruin another day for you!

 

Spice, you are right. I was like this for several years before he came along, and was honestly really happy being single. I wasn't looking for him, that's for sure, and I never expected him to sweep me off my feet like he did. Things were right in the beginning; he LET them go wrong by allowing her to continue to assert her power over his emotional weaknesses for her own free-ride benefit (she's dating others right now, too - that's the extra-shiiiitey part). I'm not bad-mouthing her, hey, it's good work if you can get it, and she's obviously no dummy. A free ride is a really comfortable gig, you know? He must like it, that's all I can deduce.

 

I'm just really sorry that I let it drag on this long. This self-loathing won't be too quick to dissipate, I'm afraid. I was just pushing the grieving aside with my silly hope; no choice but to deal with it now.

 

You know, maybe I could be angry about one other thing...when he texted to say he couldn't make it, he said "...doesn't look good for this afternoon, but I'll know for sure by XX o'clock". And then, he didn't even follow up at XX o'clock. WTF is that? Seriously? Still keeping me on the hook just in case? IS HE REALLY THAT STUPID and SELFISH? A$$HAT.

[newpriorities]

Spice, you are right. I was like this for several years before he came along, and was honestly really happy being single. I wasn't looking for him, that's for sure, and I never expected him to sweep me off my feet like he did. Things were right in the beginning; he LET them go wrong by allowing her to continue to assert her power over his emotional weaknesses for her own free-ride benefit (she's dating others right now, too - that's the extra-shiiiitey part). I'm not bad-mouthing her, hey, it's good work if you can get it, and she's obviously no dummy. A free ride is a really comfortable gig, you know? He must like it, that's all I can deduce.

 

I'm just really sorry that I let it drag on this long. This self-loathing won't be too quick to dissipate, I'm afraid. I was just pushing the grieving aside with my silly hope; no choice but to deal with it now.

 

You know, maybe I could be angry about one other thing...when he texted to say he couldn't make it, he said "...doesn't look good for this afternoon, but I'll know for sure by XX o'clock". And then, he didn't even follow up at XX o'clock. WTF is that? Seriously? Still keeping me on the hook just in case? IS HE REALLY THAT STUPID and SELFISH? A$$HAT.

 

Yup, he is. It's all about HIM, right? Ok, repeat after me--PROACTIVE. I will be PROACTIVE in my healing! You need to be selfish!! Do something for yourself and your son that is healing for you! Seriously, you know the drill, yoga, music, massage/spa services (if you can squeeze out of your budget), a long walk outside where you really look at things around you and realize how big our world is! Ok, so I'm sounding a bit flower-childish here, but you get the idea? He's in one f-ked up R, w/ his baby mama, that's for sure......keep using your humor!

[ItsNeverForever]

I decided to go for the hike anyway, by myself, up to my quiet place for some solitude; happy upon arrival that no one else had the same idea. Yep, that lasted 5 minutes before an entire facking boy scout troop showed up. Now it's louder than a preschool playground @ recess. And let me suggest that there be a Personal Space badge requirement for the good old Scouts, cuz they're all up in my grill like I'm invisible! Womp-womp-womp...siiiigh.

[HowMeHere]

INF don't hate yourself, hate him!

 

He's the cruel ********* that's willing to toy with your emotions knowing full well how deeply you care about him - he doesn't seem to have any regard for you or your feelings, and he insists on dragging you down such a dark path just to get what he wants.

 

He never deserved you and you never deserved all the crap you're putting up with.

 

If you want to send him the letter for closure - do it.

But I personally think that he doesn't even deserve the time you spent writing the letter.

 

If you want him completely out of your life for good - you need to burn that bridge.

 

Your day is not ruined, go out and do something fun for yourself, and just close the door on this ridiculously humiliating and painful "relationship"

 

Start your new year off right and erase that selfish lying manipulative loser from your life for good.

 

** HUGS **

 

Why should she *hate* him? Why should she fell the need to hate? I don't know the backstory, but wasn't she a part too? Why would you encourage *anyone* to hate someone else?

[newpriorities]

I decided to go for the hike anyway, by myself, up to my quiet place for some solitude; happy upon arrival that no one else had the same idea. Yep, that lasted 5 minutes before an entire facking boy scout troop showed up. Now it's louder than a preschool playground @ recess. And let me suggest that there be a Personal Space badge requirement for the good old Scouts, cuz they're all up in my grill like I'm invisible! Womp-womp-womp...siiiigh.

 

Just think, all those cute, little, innocent, badge wearing boys are going to grow up and one day, one/some of them may turn out to be the type of dudes we are dealing with! Ah, the phases of life.....

[IzzyB]

Hey Girlfriend:

 

This guy is weeeeeeeeeeeakkkkkkk, get it? He does want you but doesnt value HIMSELF enough to go and get you. He would rather stay at home and have BM run the show and be emotionally abusive. How the heck is he going to go from that dynamic to the loving arms of a caring loving woman like you without TONS of therapy? He got a lot of work to do and so do you - now repeat after me: "I deserve better, I deserve better". The zhitty part is he isnt married and he led you to believe he wasnt "trapped" in this relationship so you initially gotyour hopes up, thinking that he WAS single. But he's not. He lied to both of you, because he couldnt face himself. Do you really want a man like that???!!!!

 

Puh leaze!

 

Hang in there.

 

Oh, and one more question, which you dont have to answer...why is it that your mother's (selfish) needs come before those of YOU and YOUR SON?

AND you have to help her on her terms, ie, you cant have a drink? wow just wow.

 

Please take are of you first FROM NOW ON (and by the way, the cool thing is that when you truly do take wonderful care of you. you are also teaching wonderful things to your son).

 

BIG ASS HUGS TO YOU!!!

 

Izzy

[jwi71]

INF,

 

When you want this to end it will, until then realize this is all YOUR CHOICE.

 

For now, you haven't cried enough, lost enough, been miserable enough to leave.

 

When you have lost all there is to lose, you'll leave. I just hope you can reclaim all that you surrendered when you reach that point.

[desertIslandCactus]

Just think, all those cute, little, innocent, badge wearing boys are going to grow up and one day, one/some of them may turn out to be the type of dudes we are dealing with! Ah, the phases of life.....

 

Or defending our country.