isitme1 Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 This is so hard to do...I want to stop trying to understand why my ex broke up with me...I feel so guilty about it and I still blame myself for it...The hard part is accepting that she moved on so quickly...makes me feel really low & she really wasn't happy w/me...Trying to focus on my family that are here...but I cant get her out of my head...Been having trouble sleeping now...I thought being good to her was the right thing to do...
Good Arms Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 This is so hard to do...I want to stop trying to understand why my ex broke up with me...I feel so guilty about it and I still blame myself for it...The hard part is accepting that she moved on so quickly...makes me feel really low & she really wasn't happy w/me...Trying to focus on my family that are here...but I cant get her out of my head...Been having trouble sleeping now...I thought being good to her was the right thing to do... Everything you said there seems so familiar to how I feel right now. I try and focus on healing but ultimately the same questions keep cycling through my mind... and I know I'll never answer them. She gave me reasons why she broke up with me, but I KNOW there was more to it than that, partly me, partly her and the fact I think there was some element of rebound, and no doubt she compared me to her last b/f with whom she had a fairly long term relationship. It's a massive blow to the ego - first to be left, and secondly to see her move on so quickly. I'm in the same situation, and it just rubs salt into the wound. We're still agonising over everything, and they're moving on and having fun. It seems so unjust and senseless. Some say it's their way of coping, dealing with their own guilt and pain over the break-up... and there's a good chance these rebound relationships won't last either. I don't know what to think. I couldn't treat someone else like that. I feel betrayed by the one I thought I was in love with. Sleeping's also a problem for me. I've woken up early in an anxious state every day for the last 2 months. So, I know I'm not offering much comfort, but you're very much not alone in trying to clear your head. It's the hardest thing when everything stays so fresh in your mind. Please try not to blame yourself. The time for blame is over. It happened, it wasn't meant to be, however hard that is to take. You've already probably learned some useful lessons you can take into future relationships. A few suggestions I read from others made some sense to me, and may be of use, or give you another perspective. Easier said than done, I know... "Tell yourself every day that you did nothing wrong!""When you start analyzing everything, just say to yourself (out loud) 'It doesn't matter'. With time you will truly believe it and it will make the healing so much quicker.""Instead of analysing, just conclude: 'we weren't compatible, there's someone out there who's better for me, and more willing to put effort into our relationship - and I'll be happier with them.'""You need to stop thinking about her, what she's doing, where she's doing it, and who she's doing it with. You'll never understand what's in her head or why she does things. But you know what you can understand? Your head, your mind, your thoughts. Thoughts in your head are like bubbles, once you spot them they are easy to pop with your finger. Once they pop, they cease to exist. Become aware of when you dwell on your ex's life, and you can start to pop those thoughts." (Sorry I don't have the sources to credit. I highlighted parts of them myself.) Hang in there.
Author isitme1 Posted December 31, 2010 Author Posted December 31, 2010 I really appreciate the insight...its like I see all these things n my head..the hard part is grabbing them and absorbing it...
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