Jen1981 Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 My break-up was very confusing and it still is. I still don't really know the reason behind the break-up and I've been diagnosed with a post-traumatic depression. Things are just very tough and sometimes I'm incredibly angry at my ex for breaking it off in an e-mail after 10 years together. Sometimes I hate him for not giving me any explanation, a. How could my soul-mate and best friend turn into this stranger? Then I remember that this must be tough on him toond it's been such a revelation. His mother told me he cried for a week when making his decision. He couldn't do anything but stare at a wall and even though he appears to have moved on now I know it's a daily struggle for him too. I'm still friends with him on Facebook and keep seeing his cheery updates, him becoming friends with all these new girls and attending countless parties. At first I felt disappointed, sad and confused that he can move on so easily while I'm still in deep grief. Then it suddenly hit me.....This is just him trying his best to cope by forgetting. He's running from his problems (he has a quarter life crisis) and he thinks this break-up is the magical ultimate soultion to everything in his life. When he turned 27 he was suddenly hit with a really bad case of QLC....he wasn't as far career-wise as he'd like to, he was in a job he didn't like, he hated the city we live in (a really vibrant European capital), he hated being with our friends and going to the same gallery-openings all the time. He wanted change and excitment but never mentioned he wanted out of the relationship. I know this is killing me because he still cares for me and hates hurting other people. I just know that he's questioning himself....Everybody has always seen him as a wonderful, thoughtful and sensetive person and he's always prided himself in that. I know he must be feeling bad about how he's handled the break-up. He's stayin up til the dawn breaks, sleeps until 2 in the afternoon and in his recent FB pictures he's lost A LOT of weigh (he was very skinny before) and although he's smiling slightly there's something that doesn't look quite right. I know you probably think I'm just grasping for straws and signs to make me feel better but this is not about that (although I would like him back down the line) this is more a matter of deep concern about him. I'm worried that he thinks this break-up will solve everything and that makes me so incredibly sad! Anybody else that feels deep empathy for their dumper? In his break-up mail he asked me for forgiveness
davisc123 Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 To be honest it's shocking that he has dumped you over an email, not to mention cowardly. Of course he'll be dealing with his own issues, and things will be difficult for him as it would be for most dumpers. But don't concern yourself with it, don't analyse his thoughts and actions. Deal with your own grief, focus on yourself. If I were you I would delete/block him from your facebook. I did it with my ex and I can honestly say it was the best thing I did post break-up. Snooping about his page will continue to bring you fresh hurt that will make the healing process much longer and more difficult. Out of sight, out of mind. Do I feel sorry for my ex? I suppose I do. She lost me for a start, and she won't get anybody better. She's depressed and in a new relationship that I know her heart isn't in. But she put herself in that position, and the selfish and hurtful way she treated me means I'm not going to waste my energy looking out for her. I'm having a hard enough time dealing with my own grief.
january2010 Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 ^^^ Seconded. At one stage, I felt a little bit of pity. However, ultimately, I want them to be happy, wherever they are, I feel that's a much more positive and healthy emotion for me than to wish them unhappiness.
Author Jen1981 Posted December 31, 2010 Author Posted December 31, 2010 I guess you're right! It's just hard to adjust from caring deeply about him to thinking about myself and my own needs only. I would never wish him unhappiness....I hope that he can find hapiness, peace and that he can forgive himself (I've realized me forgiving him is not going to cut it....it has to come from within himself). Everybody around me tells me that I need to let that anger come....that I have every right to be angry at him for taking this cowardly way out....but I just can't. I just feel a deep sense of empathy at the moment :-(
SimonSerenade Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 My ex finished me over the phone and was a total ass towards my feelings, She now goes out quite a lot and dumps our son on everyone, She basically threw away a great family life for a worthless single one, Hard to feel sorry for somebody like that lol For all I care she can burn in hell
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