Wow.. why is he being so selifsh!

[nineyearsgone79]

Hey guys.. so I am just feeling blah tonight. I've been dating this guy for about 7 months and we are very much opposite. He's into sports, very organized, his parents, no real friends. Me on the other hand i'm an artist, not so organized, i have good close friends. The situation is that I find he can be pretty selfish about things.

 

The point of contention tonight was that we were discussing new years eve plans. He wanted to go to a theme park while I had been invited by my best friend to his friend and wives house. Personally I'd rather spend time with my best friend and their friends and have my boyfriend with me and all hang out together. However, I have a very old car 16 years old in fact. I drive with it weekly to my boyfriends every weekend to visit him an hour away. Anyway... when i brought up the idea of us going up to see my best friend... who he hasn't even met yet... he brings up any excuse not to. He told me if we went i'd have to drive us in my car. Even though if we went to the theme park he said he'd drive.. which is about 15 mins or so before my friends house. He also was complaining that the bed wouldn't be as comfortable and that we wouldn't be able to fool around.

 

I'm pretty aggravated because i've been wanting my best friend and him to meet for months and he just finds every excuse to not hang out with my friends. He's had me meet his family and i've come over several times. They are his only real friends.... ugh but that's another story. Anyway... I just find that he can be pretty selfish and don't know how to do it. I go to football games with him, and watch all the crap I don't enjoy.. and he won't do this for me. : ( Any rec's? UGh

[nineyearsgone79]

Also when we were talking he said in a very angry abrupt way to me over the phone "I'm not going to argue about this." .. it was really in a cold voice. I didn't see us even arguing just talking about what to do. I almost had the urge to tell him to screw off and dump him. I'm worried I'm going to hold this anger in until it just all comes pouring out.

[paddington bear]

Agree with Sophie Bell.

 

And when you have calmed down a bit, just ask him why he doesn't want to meet your friends. Your friends are important to you, as he is, both a part of your life and it's important to you that he meets them some time.

 

I've known a lot of guys like this, with very few friends, and I am like you, the arty type with lots of close friends. Look at it from his perspective, instead of relaxing with you, alone on NYE he has to hang out with a bunch of people who he has never met yet - remember they are your friends not his. Nice and all as I'm sure they are, it is a strain to meet new people sometimes.

 

Ideally he should have met these people before now, so less of a shock to the system for him. Some people can cope with this kind of stuff, others can't

 

(e.g. a work colleague was meeting her boyfriends family and friends for the first time over Christmas and was looking forward to it. After she said that she was so tired, it was a big strain, she didn't know anyone, had to keep answering the same questions again, couldn't relax at all)

[Ruby Slippers]

If a guy said that to me, I would reply "I'm not arguing, but I am going to be spending New Year's Eve at my best friend's house. I'd like it if you'd join me, but those are my plans." You two don't need to spend New year's Eve together.

I agree completely.

[You'reasian]

Hey guys.. so I am just feeling blah tonight. I've been dating this guy for about 7 months and we are very much opposite. He's into sports, very organized, his parents, no real friends. Me on the other hand i'm an artist, not so organized, i have good close friends. The situation is that I find he can be pretty selfish about things.

 

The point of contention tonight was that we were discussing new years eve plans. He wanted to go to a theme park while I had been invited by my best friend to his friend and wives house. Personally I'd rather spend time with my best friend and their friends and have my boyfriend with me and all hang out together. However, I have a very old car 16 years old in fact. I drive with it weekly to my boyfriends every weekend to visit him an hour away. Anyway... when i brought up the idea of us going up to see my best friend... who he hasn't even met yet... he brings up any excuse not to. He told me if we went i'd have to drive us in my car. Even though if we went to the theme park he said he'd drive.. which is about 15 mins or so before my friends house. He also was complaining that the bed wouldn't be as comfortable and that we wouldn't be able to fool around.

 

I'm pretty aggravated because i've been wanting my best friend and him to meet for months and he just finds every excuse to not hang out with my friends. He's had me meet his family and i've come over several times. They are his only real friends.... ugh but that's another story. Anyway... I just find that he can be pretty selfish and don't know how to do it. I go to football games with him, and watch all the crap I don't enjoy.. and he won't do this for me. : ( Any rec's? UGh

 

Recommendation?

 

Sit down, face to face in a private area and have a discussion with him. Do not do it over text or over phone. Go old school - relationships survived in the past without the I-phone.

 

Secondly, tell him that you think that he is being a little selfish. Don't beat around the bush, don't make him guess. Be clear, direct, honest and understanding.

 

If you alter the message you are telling us here when communicating to him face to face, you will not get what you want, you will be more frustrated and you will frustrate your relationship even more.

[youngskywalker]

Have you ever considered that he might just be selfish person? There are people in the world like that you know! I know because I've dated them. It's your choice, take him or leave him. Best wishes and happy new year.