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Posted

Decided to join eHarmony 2 weeks after my BF broke up with me, but after filling out their huge form, was immediately rejected. I know it's just a machine, but it hurts.

 

I've been hearing that the site has a Christian bias, and I checked the "no religious beliefs" box....maybe that's the reason :eek:

 

Wondering if anyone else got this and what alternatives they used....

Posted

No, but when I tried to join it came up with a personality profile that I feel is completely inaccurate.

 

It said that I am pushy, aggressive, bossy etc (which couldn't be further from the truth) so apparently I was going to be matched with men that like those traits :rolleyes:

 

I never logged in again.

Posted

LB, I was rejected too......maybe we're a match!?!? LOL :D

Posted

Rejected by a dating site, huh!?! I didn't even know that was possible. Surely the object of a dating site is for you to say who you are and to be matched with similar people, not to be judged. What a bunch of elitist f*ckwits.

 

The only logical reason I can think of is that they are trying to make their statistics look good. Maybe they only accept applicants who they think are likely to be matched on their system, and thereby increase their match figures?

 

Rejecting applicants seems to go against their entire raison d'etre.

Posted

I found this under their terms of service:

1. Eligibility.

 

  1. Minimum Age. You must be at least 13 years old to use the Site (or the age of majority in your jurisdiction, if it is older), and at least 18 years old to register for the Services. By using the Singles Service, you represent and warrant that you are at least 18 years old. Other Services may have other age requirements for all or portion of such Services, and such other age requirements are stated on such Services or portions thereof.
  2. Marital Status. By requesting to use, registering to use, or using the Singles Service, you represent and warrant that you are not married. If you are separated, but not yet legally divorced, you may not request to use, register to use, or use the Singles Service.
  3. Criminal History. By requesting to use, registering to use, and/or using the Singles Service, you represent and warrant that you have never been convicted of a felony and/or are not required to register as a sex offender with any government entity. EHARMONY DOES NOT CURRENTLY CONDUCT CRIMINAL BACKGROUND SCREENINGS ON ITS MEMBERS. However, eHarmony reserves the right to conduct any criminal background check, at any time and using available public records, to confirm your compliance with this subsection.
  4. Meeting Matching System Criteria. The Singles Service requires your completion of the Registration Questionnaire, along with eHarmony’s ability to find good matches for you. Occasionally, the eHarmony matching system cannot identify high quality compatible matches for a given individual, in which case the Singles Service cannot be provided.

Posted
Rejecting applicants seems to go against their entire raison d'etre.

 

Today's quotable mots justes....

 

I think PNP has it bang-on about the statistics bit.

besides which, I find the premise fo finding a significant Other by applying to a computerised dating system to be somewhat bizarre... How can anybody ever truly get an impression of a person by reading a profile which actually, could apply to a huge cross-section of people...?!

 

"I'm a fun loving individual, with good taste in food. I love gardening, cooking, socialising, reading and outdoor activities. I don't drink, or smoke, love driving, and also travelling abroad."

 

This narrows it down to about 6 million of the population, doesn't it?

It probably applies to a hefty section of ladies on here - or even men!

Posted
"I'm a fun loving individual, with good taste in food. I love gardening, cooking, socialising, reading and outdoor activities. I don't drink, or smoke, love driving, and also travelling abroad."

 

This narrows it down to about 6 million of the population, doesn't it?

Ha, yes absolutely! This kind of thing written on a profile is just filler, the kind of thing that is taken for granted. Everyone likes reading and listening to music and watching TV. It makes me laugh especially when people write this kind of thing on a CV... you listen to music in your spare time... oh that makes you the perfect applicant then?! For me, if you can't think of anything unique to write about yourself then you're ruling yourself out. I want someone who has hobbies a little more exciting than reading a book or watching a movie. To sell yourself you need to write what is interesting about yourself, as well as tick the non-smoker, social drinker and STD-free boxes!

 

4. Meeting Matching System Criteria. The Singles Service requires your completion of the Registration Questionnaire, along with eHarmony’s ability to find good matches for you. Occasionally, the eHarmony matching system cannot identify high quality compatible matches for a given individual, in which case the Singles Service cannot be provided.

Ah I guess that's the kicker. If it can't find a match, rather than having you mess up their monthly statistics, it rejects you. Even though your perfect match might have been rejected just last week, or might (try to) sign up next week...

Posted
Ah I guess that's the kicker. If it can't find a match, rather than having you mess up their monthly statistics, it rejects you. Even though your perfect match might have been rejected just last week, or might (try to) sign up next week...

 

It still doesn't make much sense. You mean to tell me that they can't find one match for a person, out of the '20 million registered users'?!

Posted

Well I very much doubt the OP fails on any of rules 1-3.............

 

Once you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth

Posted

I totally agree, that's probably the 'reason'. But for anyone to actually believe that crap about not being able to find a match for them, is crazy.

Posted

Well if everyone with a matching personality was also rejected, then there really are no matches on their books...

 

It is craziness yes, but it's possible. Take the religious aspect for example. I'm not saying this is how they do it, just using it as an example. If they only accept people who are looking for someone who is a Christian, and the OP ticks the "no religious beliefs" box, then there really would be no matches. If they only cater for some subset of society and you're not in that subset, then I guess you'll be rejected. Even if they don't make it publicly known what subset they cater for...

 

It does beg the question though, how did anyone manage to sign up? There would be no matches for the first person who attempted to join, so they would be rejected... and therefore also for the second... etc. LOL!

Posted

Yes, exactly! I should add that when I looked up their terms of service, there was an 'Updated' attached to it. I suppose they make things up as they go along, to fit their standards.

 

I've used eharmony before. Nothing major came of it. I think I only spoke to about 2 people from my matches lists, and neither of them were people that I could really see myself being with.

Posted

Your thread got me curious so I read an article. ( http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/05/12/AR2007051201350.html )The article said something like 20% is rejected. Of that 20% the reasons stated are being married, gay, too young, inconsistent answers in the application, and depression. People online also say atheist s get rejected a lot.

 

I wouldn’t take it personally, it’s just a business.

Posted

I have read that one of the main reasons is evidence of serious depression when answering questions... they don't want to match mentally unwell people that shouldn't be dating.

Posted
I have read that one of the main reasons is evidence of serious depression when answering questions... they don't want to match mentally unwell people that shouldn't be dating.

 

Word. I tried to sign up for eH years ago just after a terrible breakup. I answered their extensive questionnaire honestly...and they decided I was too depressed and they rejected me. In retrospect, I think that was wise, because I was nowhere near ready to date. OP, you tried to join eH just 2 weeks after a breakup...do you think depression may be in play for you?

 

Several months (or a year?) later, when I had recovered more and was no longer depressed, I re-did the questionnaire (again, answering honestly) and they accepted me. Then again, eH then proceeded to match me with some of the most boring men I've ever met, so their entire service was a bust for me. :lmao:

 

(BUT, one of my close friends met her husband on eH so it worked for her...)

Posted
(. . .)

Once you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth

Sherlock Holmes was a narcissistic sociopath.

 

I wonder how he would have fared.......?

Posted

Don't feel too bad, OP. eHarmony did not reject me, but my experience trying their service was a total joke.

 

I answered all the questions honestly, but that did not result in a realistic picture of my personality, values, or anything.

 

I am a "recovering" addict. I don't drink or take drugs and have not for over 20 years. Still, I have always lived a very "countercultural" life in many ways. I still do.

 

The system they use kept matching me with very socially, politically and religiously conservative men. Whew, some of those guys would have required swift CPR if they learned about some of my past life stories, or encountered many of my friends. Conversely, I found it difficult to even engage in polite exchanges with the fellows, their interests were so far afield from any of mine. Besides "clean living" and adherence to some basic traditional values, like honesty and personal accountability, we had no common ground at all.

 

Anyway, for a person like me, that "guided communication" could never work. I am a writer; I express myself (on my own) through the written word. I am quite good at getting to know a lot about other people through their own use of the written word. Take that away from me in online dating scenarios, and I have nothing left to work with.

 

For me, eHarmony was a waste of time and money and I didn't even have fun.

 

And, I did find a mate online, the "old fashioned" way where you present and speak for yourself.

  • Author
Posted
Word. I tried to sign up for eH years ago just after a terrible breakup. I answered their extensive questionnaire honestly...and they decided I was too depressed and they rejected me. In retrospect, I think that was wise, because I was nowhere near ready to date. OP, you tried to join eH just 2 weeks after a breakup...do you think depression may be in play for you?

 

Several months (or a year?) later, when I had recovered more and was no longer depressed, I re-did the questionnaire (again, answering honestly) and they accepted me. Then again, eH then proceeded to match me with some of the most boring men I've ever met, so their entire service was a bust for me. :lmao:

 

(BUT, one of my close friends met her husband on eH so it worked for her...)

 

Yeah, once i started doing some more research I realized that they will likely reject you if you're depressed. I've had clinical depression for a few years but this year has been particularly stressful and depressing so I answered those questions honestly...I just don't look at the world through rose tinted glasses either so I'm not very optimistic a lot.

 

Guess I need to work on being "more happy".... :(

Posted

Have a chat with a member called Yer_Blues and see how he's doing on that score.

:)

Posted

Maybe eHarmony has secret powers and knows you are not ready to date after 2 weeks…….

  • Author
Posted
Maybe eHarmony has secret powers and knows you are not ready to date after 2 weeks…….

 

I don't need a website to tell me that :) I know that I am not ready for dating, and I'm not looking to date, but I thought it would be a nice way to get to know some people, or just see who's on eHarmony.

Posted
I don't need a website to tell me that :) I know that I am not ready for dating, and I'm not looking to date, but I thought it would be a nice way to get to know some people, or just see who's on eHarmony.

 

 

Nothing wrong with making new friends! :) Making new friends is what helped me keep my sanity when I was going thru things.

Posted

I've never used it but I would be ticked if I went on and emailed a bunch of people on a dating site that replied they were just looking for friends and not interested in dating.

 

It sounds like the OP wanted to use the site for something it was not intended for. If you're not ready to date, don't try to bastardize a dating website and wreck the purpose for everyone else.

 

For the other users it would be like going on Home Depot's website and finding all women's clothing listed.

Posted
Decided to join eHarmony 2 weeks after my BF broke up with me, but after filling out their huge form, was immediately rejected. I know it's just a machine, but it hurts.

 

I've been hearing that the site has a Christian bias, and I checked the "no religious beliefs" box....maybe that's the reason :eek:

 

Wondering if anyone else got this and what alternatives they used....

 

"No religious beliefs" definetly gets you in the door with me. Screw 'em (eHarmony that is).

Posted

I want someone who has hobbies a little more exciting than reading a book or watching a movie.

 

:rolleyes:

 

Btw, I got rejected by eharmony as well and I didn't answer the questions as depressed. (I thought it was because I was divorced twice).

 

They also gave me the not enough matches reason.

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