ms.stressed Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 Lately I feel as if my friend has nothing positive to say. I've got a new job, that pays nicely. A new car, and a boyfriend who absolutely adores me and I the same. We are looking at homes and an engagement next year...in short, things are going pretty great. Granted, I don't talk to anyone as much because of the long work week and trying to catch up with things at home (like cleaning, cooking, catching up with the family I hardly see now...etc.) She's had their share of fortune as well. She was recently married and I was in her wedding--I helped with the wedding--I even paid for her to get a mani-pedi, eyebrows and eyelashes done on top of doing the floral arrangements for her bouquet, the bridesmaids bouquets and the boutonnieres. I was there for her and I'm still there for her. So fast forward to recently, I talk to her and I don't get much of a conversation. I told her a couple of days ago that I was called back for an interview for a higher position within my organization and she didn't say anything to me. She didn't even inquire about it. I tell her that my boyfriend and I are going out and she says "we go out too much" and we "probably don't have a lot of money". I tell her that we are looking at engagement rings and she says we "aren't ready to get married" because we "don't share finances" and I "don't have a say in how my boyfriend spends his money". I remain quiet as she talks. I listen and I don't say much because I don't want to be confrontational or have a big argument that would lead to the demise of a long friendship. The things she say are hurtful and she says she's being honest and she wouldn't be a good friend if she wasn't being honest. I think (and I haven't told her this...once again, I don't speak up about anything. I just let her say her opinion) friends should be supportive and encouraging and brutally honest. I think she takes her opinions as the truth and use it to make me feel as though I'm doing something wrong. When I finish talking to her, I'm left doubting and questioning the choices I've made. Is it just me? Have I out grown my friend? Should I try to salvage this? Should I talk to her about this or just let it go and avoid confrontation? What should I do?
Vesna Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 It sounds like your friend is diminishing your good fortune. From my own experience, this is a symptom of envy or even jealousy, especially the silent treatment as far as your job is concerned. Things might not be going so great for her at the moment. Maybe you should ask her if things are OK.
Author ms.stressed Posted January 3, 2011 Author Posted January 3, 2011 It sounds like your friend is diminishing your good fortune. From my own experience, this is a symptom of envy or even jealousy, especially the silent treatment as far as your job is concerned. Things might not be going so great for her at the moment. Maybe you should ask her if things are OK. You have an excellent Vesna. Sometimes things can be going so great, we forget about our friends. I have tried to talk to her and ask her how everything is going, but I only get monotonus responses. So I have stopped asking so muc ( I don't want to be a bother). I am going to try a more straight foward approach and see what happens. Thanks again.
whichwayisup Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 I think you need to tell her how it makes you feel when she says negative things and picks apart your plans, life, boyfriend, finances etc.. Ignoring it isn't going to help you in the long run, if anything it's going to make you avoid her, build up resentment etc.. She says she's being honest, so why not just be honest back? It doesn't have to turn into a huge argument or fight, just explain to her that she is too negative and sees things half empty instead of half full. Don't let her or anybody else doubt yourself. Your choices have made you happy and good things have come from them!
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