Stonewall Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 I'm pretty sure you all know my story. Fell I Love with this girl asked to exclusively date after five dates. She is seeing other people besides me as well. She likes me and I like her but after I asked her that I feel she is starting to pull away. I know if I act desperate she'll pull away even more.(she said she needed time to Process things and that she'd like to have the conversation again.) My question is should I tell her I'm going to be dating other people but I'd still like tO date her as well? Would this be an effective mOve or would it be the end of any hopes at a relationship with her?
USMCHokie Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 I'm pretty sure you all know my story. Fell I Love with this girl asked to exclusively date after five dates. She is seeing other people besides me as well. She likes me and I like her but after I asked her that I feel she is starting to pull away. I know if I act desperate she'll pull away even more.(she said she needed time to Process things and that she'd like to have the conversation again.) This seems like a natural reaction if she doesn't deem you worthy of being a first string starter. Do unto others as they do unto you. Backburner her. My question is should I tell her I'm going to be dating other people but I'd still like tO date her as well? You don't need to tell her anything. Just do it. Would this be an effective mOve or would it be the end of any hopes at a relationship with her? An effective move would be dating other girls and finding one who is interested in an exclusive relationship with you.
deebeechrisyo Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 Agreed with Hokie, if you want an exclusive relationship with a girl, find a girl who has similar goals. Don't try to manipulate this girl, it's not worth it. Tell her that you two have differing interests and go your separate ways. It sucks that you fell in love, but this girl still wants to date around after 5 dates with you. She either wants to play the field for the time being, or she doesn't like you enough.
Author Stonewall Posted December 31, 2010 Author Posted December 31, 2010 This seems like a natural reaction if she doesn't deem you worthy of being a first string starter. Do unto others as they do unto you. Backburner her. You don't need to tell her anything. Just do it. An effective move would be dating other girls and finding one who is interested in an exclusive relationship with you. Like I said... I've fallen in love with this girl. She didn't seem disinterested but she looked blindsided and shocked. She seemed really concerned that I just got out of a relationship. Her immediate reaction was to question me about my ex, and a couple of times she mentioned not wanting to be a rebound girl. I think she feels I'm moving to quickly now that I think about it. (i told her I got out of a relationship two weeks before I started dating her before we started dating) The reason why I'd tell her is because I want her to know. I don't want to be seen as a doormat or desperate for her to attention. That is a huge turnoff.. I want her to know that while I like her I'm willing to walk away. (although I'd be heartbroken)
Author Stonewall Posted December 31, 2010 Author Posted December 31, 2010 Agreed with Hokie, if you want an exclusive relationship with a girl, find a girl who has similar goals. Don't try to manipulate this girl, it's not worth it. Tell her that you two have differing interests and go your separate ways. It sucks that you fell in love, but this girl still wants to date around after 5 dates with you. She either wants to play the field for the time being, or she doesn't like you enough. So you don't think she'll ever want an exclusive relationship with me? I was thinking of giving her 5 dates, and then bringing up the subject again. If she doesn't want it, i'll just say "hey lets just be friends" and walk away.
OceanGirl Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 Did you even have any contact with her after you asked her to be exclusive?
Author Stonewall Posted December 31, 2010 Author Posted December 31, 2010 Did you even have any contact with her after you asked her to be exclusive? It was right before the holidays so I haven't seen her in person. We did talk for 45 minutes over the phone, and she did send me a nice merry christmas message. The talk was pleasent and I had her laughing a lot so I guess that is a good sign.
USMCHokie Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 So you don't think she'll ever want an exclusive relationship with me? I was thinking of giving her 5 dates, and then bringing up the subject again. Unlikely. Five legit dates and no dice...? The most probable scenario is that she's waiting for her first string guy to play out, and if that fails, she might consider dating you again. See exhibit A. Exhibit A: "she said she needed time to Process things and that she'd like to have the conversation again." If she doesn't want it, i'll just say "hey lets just be friends" and walk away. I corrected the above quoted.
Author Stonewall Posted December 31, 2010 Author Posted December 31, 2010 Unlikely. Five legit dates and no dice...? The most probable scenario is that she's waiting for her first string guy to play out, and if that fails, she might consider dating you again. See exhibit A. Exhibit A: "she said she needed time to Process things and that she'd like to have the conversation again." I corrected the above quoted. She was my friend before I started dating her. Plus I have to put up with her in one of my college classes for 3-4 months. I probably won't want to talk to her for a long time as my heart will be broken but I still want to be friends with her. Btw have I mentioned I'm already one of her longest relationships (lol not like you can call it that) she also apologized for not having an answer. I think I just rushed her... As I said she seems very weary of my ex.
USMCHokie Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 She was my friend before I started dating her. This is irrelevant. You should only be her friend if you are 100% ok with being just her friend, i.e., you are cool with her bangin' other dudes. Plus I have to put up with her in one of my college classes for 3-4 months. I probably won't want to talk to her for a long time as my heart will be broken but I still want to be friends with her. I have had people in my class who I wasn't friends with. It's not hard. Btw have I mentioned I'm already one of her longest relationships (lol not like you can call it that) she also apologized for not having an answer. I think I just rushed her... As I said she seems very weary of my ex. Well, I didn't know there was history. But history is the past. It's all about the present, and to some extent, the future. Does she want to be part of your present in the way you want her to be? If not, then she shouldn't get to be part of your present in any way...
OceanGirl Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 From a girl's prospective, when I multi-date there is always a guy that I like more than the others. If my preferred choice asked me to be exclusive, I would happily drop everyone else in an instant. If a guy that is not my preferred choice asked me to be exclusive, I would do exactly what this girl did. Meanwhile, I would attempt to put some pressure on the preferred choice guy to be exclusive. If that doesn't pan out I may promote one of the others to the "preferred choice" spot or I may not. Also, if the guy that is not my preferred choice then came back and said "I am going to date others" it would be blatantly obvious that he is trying not to appear desperate which kind of defeats the purpose. If anything, it would reinforce how into me that guy is
Author Stonewall Posted December 31, 2010 Author Posted December 31, 2010 (edited) From a girl's prospective, when I multi-date there is always a guy that I like more than the others. If my preferred choice asked me to be exclusive, I would happily drop everyone else in an instant. If a guy that is not my preferred choice asked me to be exclusive, I would do exactly what this girl did. Meanwhile, I would attempt to put some pressure on the preferred choice guy to be exclusive. If that doesn't pan out I may promote one of the others to the "preferred choice" spot or I may not. Also, if the guy that is not my preferred choice then came back and said "I am going to date others" it would be blatantly obvious that he is trying not to appear desperate which kind of defeats the purpose. If anything, it would reinforce how into me that guy is Hmm thanks for your prospective as a multi-dater yourself.. I'm just wondering how I can play this off, and not look like a desperate fool. She did say she's never felt the way she does about a person she's dating (in a good way she said). We haven't had a date under 8 hours, so it is clear she is into me. There could be a guy she likes more, but she's 23 and has never been in a exclusive relationship. I think her biggest thing is fear of commitment to one guy. She's shared a lot of intimate things with me so I know a bit about her and the way she thinks and works. As I said I'm going to give her 4-6 more dates, and if she's not feeling it by then, it's time to say audios. Edited December 31, 2010 by Stonewall
USMCHokie Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 I'm just wondering how I can play this off, and not look like a desperate fool. I don't feel the need to repeat myself. She did say she's never felt the way she does about a person she's dating (in a good way she said). Mere words...her actions certainly don't seem to reflect the same mentality... She's shared a lot of intimate things with me so I know a bit about her and the way she thinks and works. I know I'm giving you a hard time about this, but I just want you to try to look at this objectively without your emotional blinders...
Author Stonewall Posted December 31, 2010 Author Posted December 31, 2010 I don't feel the need to repeat myself. Mere words...her actions certainly don't seem to reflect the same mentality... I know I'm giving you a hard time about this, but I just want you to try to look at this objectively without your emotional blinders... So basically you're saying I should break this off right now?
USMCHokie Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 So basically you're saying I should break this off right now? Yes. ------
Author Stonewall Posted December 31, 2010 Author Posted December 31, 2010 Yes. ------ My heart won't allow me to do this yet. I'm going to take her at her word, as she's proven to be very honest. I'm going to wait until we have the conversation again (she said that she wants to have the conversation again). If after 4-5 dates longer she doesn't bring it up again then I'll bring it up, and if she doesn't want any part I'll break it off and probably stay off of the dating scene for a year or so. Maybe I should break it off but my heart is telling me that I shouldn't yet.
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