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FWB-ish guy wants me to stop dating others? Why?

ReadyforLove

By ReadyforLove
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ReadyforLove Established Member

ReadyforLove

Posted
Posted (edited)

The back story:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t255587/

 

 

So just recently, the guy I have been seeing for 3 months told me he doesn't want me to date other people :sick: This came as a surprise to me because from the time we first started dated (before having sex) he told me it was okay for us to see others and I agreed. But his new request/demand is mind boggling.

 

Neither of us wants a full blown relationship :confused: and neither of us considers our situation a FWB or booty call but I don't think it's fair for him to want to limit my dating life if he is not even wanting to seal the deal with me. I told him he should definitely be casually dating others, just to see what else is out there, and that I would do the same. That's when he told me that " NO, I DON'T WANT YOU DATING ANYONE ELSE!" I didn't know what to say so we hugged and went to sleep.

 

I like him in every way (except for one major issue which he is working on) and I don't want to end things with him because we are having so much fun and after he gets his issue under control then maybe down the line I will consider making things more official. But isn't it unfair for him to not want a relationship with me but at the same time, not want me to play the field? Is this what people would call "dating exclusively"?

 

Would love some input! Thanks!

Edited by ReadyforLove
Distant78 Established Member

Distant78

Posted
Posted
The back story:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t255587/

 

 

So just recently, the guy I have been seeing for 3 months told me he doesn't want me to date other people :sick: This came as a surprise to me because from the time we first started dated (before having sex) he told me it was okay for us to see others and I agreed. But his new request/demand is mind boggling.

 

Neither of us wants a full blown relationship :confused: and neither of us considers our situation a FWB or booty call but I don't think it's fair for him to want to limit my dating life if he is not even wanting to seal the deal with me. I told him he should definitely be casually dating others, just to see what else is out there, and that I would do the same. That's when he told me that " NO, I DON'T WANT YOU DATING ANYONE ELSE!" I didn't know what to say so we hugged and went to sleep.

 

I like him in every way (except for one major issue which he is working on) and I don't want to end things with him because we are having so much fun and after he gets his issue under control then maybe I will consider making things more official. But isn't it unfair for him to not want a relationship with me but at the same time, not want me to play the field? Is this what people would call "dating exclusively"?

 

Would love some input! Thanks!

 

I think it's just he's getting emotionally attached to you, and wants to start a relationship with you, but is hesitant to come out and say it.

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ReadyforLove Established Member

ReadyforLove

Posted
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But he does not want a relationship right now, well that's what he says :confused:

DuskCrush Established Member

DuskCrush

Posted
Posted

You should definitely NOT agree to date him exclusively unless he is willing to commit to you.

He is just being egotistical and greedy.

He can't have his cake and eat it too.

tigressA Established Member

tigressA

Posted
Posted

I would run the other way. He is still saying he doesn't want a relationship but he doesn't want you dating other people? And he hasn't said that he wouldn't date other people as well?

 

Greedy.

 

Self-absorbed.

 

Jerk.

 

LAUNCH.

USMCHokie Established Member

USMCHokie

Posted
Posted

LAUNCH.

 

I couldn't have said it any better myself. FWB can certainly be dangerous territory if you let emotions get involved...

welikeincrowds Established Member

welikeincrowds

Posted
Posted
I would run the other way. He is still saying he doesn't want a relationship but he doesn't want you dating other people? And he hasn't said that he wouldn't date other people as well?

 

Greedy.

 

Self-absorbed.

 

Jerk.

 

LAUNCH.

 

Well wait a second, he could be just confused. OP has expressed that she's not interested in a relationship (with him). He could be experiencing a lot of conflicting pressures causing him to be tactless.

 

We also haven't heard from OP whether or not he was saying he'd be exclusive as well. In fact I'm not sure if OP got that far, as their discussion seemed brief. It might help to know his reasons for not wanting to be in a relationship.

 

The difference between a relationship and "just exclusivity" is that relationships are public. It could be that he's catching feelings and thus would be hurt by the idea of her seeing other dudes, but he can't commit to a full-blown relationship. It sounds like the OP can't either. It's not a conventional setup, but it might work for them if, for example, they're very busy people, or they're going through transitional phases in their lives and are looking for something passionate but short-term. So long as everyone is on the same page. It could also be playing with heartstrings. It could also be a bad idea.

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ReadyforLove Established Member

ReadyforLove

Posted
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Posted
I would run the other way. He is still saying he doesn't want a relationship but he doesn't want you dating other people? And he hasn't said that he wouldn't date other people as well?

 

Greedy.

 

Self-absorbed.

 

Jerk.

 

LAUNCH.

 

He doesn't want to date others either. I told him he should to see what is out there and that's when he told me he doesn't want me to date anyone else. Greedy? Perhaps. But a self-absorbed jerk? I don't think so :lmao:

AverageJoe Established Member

AverageJoe

Posted
Posted
Well wait a second, he could be just confused. OP has expressed that she's not interested in a relationship (with him). He could be experiencing a lot of conflicting pressures causing him to be tactless.

 

Nothing really confusing about it, as I read it.

 

His ego cant handle it. You know the ole' saying. His ass got bigger than his head. Now he dont know what to chew on. He has to be young.

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ReadyforLove Established Member

ReadyforLove

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Well wait a second, he could be just confused. OP has expressed that she's not interested in a relationship (with him). He could be experiencing a lot of conflicting pressures causing him to be tactless.

 

We also haven't heard from OP whether or not he was saying he'd be exclusive as well. In fact I'm not sure if OP got that far, as their discussion seemed brief. It might help to know his reasons for not wanting to be in a relationship.

 

The difference between a relationship and "just exclusivity" is that relationships are public. It could be that he's catching feelings and thus would be hurt by the idea of her seeing other dudes, but he can't commit to a full-blown relationship. It sounds like the OP can't either. It's not a conventional setup, but it might work for them if, for example, they're very busy people, or they're going through transitional phases in their lives and are looking for something passionate but short-term. So long as everyone is on the same page. It could also be playing with heartstrings. It could also be a bad idea.

 

He doesn't want to be in a relationship because of his financial situation. He is a true gentleman and always wants to pay for EVERYTHING. He needs to get back on his feet first. Also, he just got out of a long term relationship so initially wasn't looking for anything serious.

 

So does exclusively dating = a relationship? Or do people exclusively date prior to getting into a relationship? This is what confuses me.

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ReadyforLove Established Member

ReadyforLove

Posted
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Posted
Nothing really confusing about it, as I read it.

 

His ego cant handle it. You know the ole' saying. His ass got bigger than his head. Now he dont know what to chew on. He has to be young.

 

Wow, I've never heard that saying lol. He's not "young" at all. Mid thirties...

tigressA Established Member

tigressA

Posted
Posted
He doesn't want to date others either. I told him he should to see what is out there and that's when he told me he doesn't want me to date anyone else. Greedy? Perhaps. But a self-absorbed jerk? I don't think so :lmao:

 

Well in that case...it sounds more like what welikeincrowds said, that he just doesn't want to be "public" or whatever. I didn't get from your post that he said he didn't want to date anyone else himself.

Jannah Established Member

Jannah

Posted
Posted

Just boink him already.

USMCHokie Established Member

USMCHokie

Posted
Posted
Well in that case...it sounds more like what welikeincrowds said, that he just doesn't want to be "public" or whatever. I didn't get from your post that he said he didn't want to date anyone else himself.

 

Eh, and I was just happy that TA used "LAUNCH"...like a mindless lemming, I just followed suit... :rolleyes:

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ReadyforLove Established Member

ReadyforLove

Posted
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Posted
Well in that case...it sounds more like what welikeincrowds said, that he just doesn't want to be "public" or whatever. I didn't get from your post that he said he didn't want to date anyone else himself.

 

Sorry, I was trying to make my post as short as possible so people would take the time to read it :bunny: he does not want to date others either. And by "public" not sure what that means? We go out together all the time, I have met his friends and all. Maybe he is afraid of the label?

welikeincrowds Established Member

welikeincrowds

Posted
Posted
He doesn't want to be in a relationship because of his financial situation. He is a true gentleman and always wants to pay for EVERYTHING. He needs to get back on his feet first. Also, he just got out of a long term relationship so initially wasn't looking for anything serious.

 

So does exclusively dating = a relationship? Or do people exclusively date prior to getting into a relationship? This is what confuses me.

 

It really doesn't matter, just do what you want.

 

Think of it in terms of commitment. Being exclusive is committing to him, but the other things are committing to his friends and family. If you're not ready to do that then speak up.

 

I don't really get that he feels inadequate because he can't buy you things though. In fact this relationship sounds just a little too complicated. If I were you I'd keep it simple and either commit or not.

AverageJoe Established Member

AverageJoe

Posted
Posted
Wow, I've never heard that saying lol. He's not "young" at all. Mid thirties...

 

Then for some reason a slight of desperation is creeping in maybe.

 

Ah, hell with it. Jannah is right, just boink him.

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ReadyforLove Established Member

ReadyforLove

Posted
  • Author
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Just boink him already.

 

We have boinked quite a few times. I think he may be getting emotionally attached like another poster said. But I thought that mainly happened with women :cool:

tigressA Established Member

tigressA

Posted
Posted
Well in that case...it sounds more like what welikeincrowds said, that he just doesn't want to be "public" or whatever. I didn't get from your post that he said he didn't want to date anyone else himself.

 

I will warn you, though...I was in a situation similar to this fairly recently. While the guy in my situation was more a jerk than a gentleman, he did brush off mentions of a full-blown relationship while insisting that we were exclusive. In fact, he had been the one to bring up exclusivity...and he had been cheating on me the whole time. There are guys out there who will say you're exclusive, but then once you find out something you don't like, they'll turn around and say "I never said you were my girlfriend."

 

And LOL at Hokie..."mindless lemming"...:lmao::lmao:

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ReadyforLove Established Member

ReadyforLove

Posted
  • Author
Posted
It really doesn't matter, just do what you want.

 

Think of it in terms of commitment. Being exclusive is committing to him, but the other things are committing to his friends and family. If you're not ready to do that then speak up.

 

I don't really get that he feels inadequate because he can't buy you things though. In fact this relationship sounds just a little too complicated. If I were you I'd keep it simple and either commit or not.

 

He told me that when he has a gf he caters to her, takes her out all of the time, buys things for her. But he does this stuff for me already even considering his financial situation.

 

I agree things are complicated that's why I came here because you all always give such great advice :)

Jannah Established Member

Jannah

Posted
Posted

I'm glad my boinking advice has helped. :lmao::laugh:

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ReadyforLove Established Member

ReadyforLove

Posted
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I will warn you, though...I was in a situation similar to this fairly recently. While the guy in my situation was more a jerk than a gentleman, he did brush off mentions of a full-blown relationship while insisting that we were exclusive. In fact, he had been the one to bring up exclusivity...and he had been cheating on me the whole time. There are guys out there who will say you're exclusive, but then once you find out something you don't like, they'll turn around and say "I never said you were my girlfriend."

 

And LOL at Hokie..."mindless lemming"...:lmao::lmao:

 

Thanks, I know that men love the "But you are not my girlfriend" line lol. I will definitely tread lightly.

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ReadyforLove Established Member

ReadyforLove

Posted
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I'm glad my boinking advice has helped. :lmao::laugh:

 

LOL.

 

Love your avi!! ;)

Jannah Established Member

Jannah

Posted
Posted
LOL.

 

Love your avi!! ;)

 

You like cake?

welikeincrowds Established Member

welikeincrowds

Posted
Posted
You like cake?

 

No, I'm sure she hates it

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