fancypants Posted March 17, 2004 Posted March 17, 2004 Not quite sure where to begin...I meet my husband my first week of college. I always have had somebody in my life, so I guess you could say I have never been alone. So we dated for 4 years, and then we got married. We had the usual up and downs of a relationship, but there was always something missing...or at least I felt that way. We were married for two years, and I guess I just wanted more from my marriage. He was the most respectable, honest and gentle man I have ever meet. But I just didn’t love him like I should have. He just never wanted to do anything, and he was always consumed with everyone’s else business, and never paid enough attention to me. So I eventually got bored with him. So I guess you could say I seeked another outlet. I ended up kind of felling for one of my best guy friends. One night my guy friend, a girl friend of mine and I all went out to a bar, and I had a little to much to drink. I ended up making out with this guy. Nothing more thankfully! I felt like the biggest slut on the planet. I completely betrayed my vow. I could not even look my husband in the eyes the next day. I think he know something was up. He and I had been talking for months about splitting up. I told him that day that we needed to split up for good. I moved in with my parents, This guy and I wen tout to dinner to talk about the making out thing dinner went great, then he put the moves on me I ended up sleeping with him...only after 2 weeks of being away from my husband. It ended up that this guy got what he wanted, and has not talked to me since then. So my Husband and I tried to reconcile with each other, but I just could not be with him after what I had done. I felt so dirty. I was brought up with some very high morals, and could not figure out how I could have done any of this. Now it is 6 months later, and I am divorced from my Husband. We are still friends, since I virtually have no friends since we split up. All of my friends seem to hate me. They tell me I am so different now, and they don’t like to be around me. These are the same friends that encouraged me to leave my husband because I was so unhappy. One friend hates me literally because I am pretty, and she has told me that! The other one hates me because I lost a bunch of weight. Another friend of mine will not talk to me because apparently I am a “tease” this one I don’t understand...apparently I am a huge flirt. I just talk to guys whenever I go out. I am a social person, so that constitutes me as a tease or a flirt. I don’t bate my eyes, or even touch guys when I am talking o them. This really hurts me!I have never in my life had good self esteem, now that I am getting some I am loosing friends for it. Why are people so mean? So all in all I have one friend left from all of this...my ex Husband whom would do anything for me. Why does he love me so much? I have told him about everything that has happened to me in the last 6 months, and he is still my very best friend. He feels bad for me and calls me a sad little lost soul. Why cant I just love him as much as he loves me and why did I leave him? Please help me out!
fredrolin Posted March 17, 2004 Posted March 17, 2004 Your ex-husband is a sap that will take any crap you throw at him and will treat you good no matter how much you abuse him. Subconsciously you know this so you continue to treat him this way. If he stood up for himself then maybe you would respect him. ----- I really can't comment on your "friends" without more information. But they sound like they are a bunch of miserable jealous women. Who cares....there are a million women you could be friends with. ----- You don't really want a relationship with your ex. Cut him loose and end his suffering or grow up and respect him.
overseas2004 Posted March 18, 2004 Posted March 18, 2004 I think your ex loves you just because he does. And I don't agree with the fact that he is a sap as has been mentioned above. To me he is continuing to act as a person who loves you and probably always will. His feelings and actions are appropriate and you should thank your lucky stars that he is still your friend. What I do think is that you have asked yourself some very appropriate questions that you are going to have to do some soul searching to answer. You married a man you did not love. Why? You cheated on a very loving and giving relatioship that offered you a source of stability and love.... why? You do not love those that love you... you seek out those that will not be there for you when you need them most..... Why? You went against your moral values and destroyed your husbands life and yours....... Why? I would love to give you some insight about why you did all this but I can't since I don't know you. The good news is that I think that you have asked yourself some really important questions and you should face those questions head on. The answers will help you define who you are in the future and who you will turn out to be. I can only add that as for my experience I can only say that I have always sought out men that make me feel exciting and those have been usually very difficult relationships that never end the way I would like them to. I have turned down people who are appropriately loving. And I have had to do a lot of soul searching about why I love those that do not love me? Maybe it is similar to a certain extent. I haven't found the answer yet. However I am determined to. I think you should be as well. Good luck
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