NeNinja Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 I'm at an impasse, kinda questioning if NC is the way to go in this situation. I understand No Contact...and that the NO means no, none, nothing. But here is what I'm up against: Two years ago tomorrow her dad died. Last year was New Year's Day was a horrible day for her. Since then she has made some decisions that she feels would have really disappointed him so I don't see it going much better this year...quite possibly worse. I had initially planned on sending flowers to her and her family with a thinking of you message but decided against it. No contact is no contact right? I've also considered emailing her or sending her a text just to let her know that I am thinking of her, etc. but I don't want to seem opportunistic and I don't want to add any unnecessary drama to an already stressful day. The real problem is deciding what to do if she calls/texts/emails. Do I stay no contact? I don't want to give her a 'free' shoulder to cry on and throw away 2+ weeks of no contact but I don't want to be cold and callous either. My mom (we were talking about it over Christmas) said send flowers. Our couple friends said 'be there for her.' That's pretty ambiguous. I think this is a unique situation. What would you do?
bl22 Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 I'm at an impasse, kinda questioning if NC is the way to go in this situation. I understand No Contact...and that the NO means no, none, nothing. But here is what I'm up against: Two years ago tomorrow her dad died. Last year was New Year's Day was a horrible day for her. Since then she has made some decisions that she feels would have really disappointed him so I don't see it going much better this year...quite possibly worse. I had initially planned on sending flowers to her and her family with a thinking of you message but decided against it. No contact is no contact right? I've also considered emailing her or sending her a text just to let her know that I am thinking of her, etc. but I don't want to seem opportunistic and I don't want to add any unnecessary drama to an already stressful day. The real problem is deciding what to do if she calls/texts/emails. Do I stay no contact? I don't want to give her a 'free' shoulder to cry on and throw away 2+ weeks of no contact but I don't want to be cold and callous either. My mom (we were talking about it over Christmas) said send flowers. Our couple friends said 'be there for her.' That's pretty ambiguous. I think this is a unique situation. What would you do? I found myself in this exact situation half way through december. My ex's dad had died few years back on that day, it was always a sad, tough day for her. And i badly wanted to contact her, just tell her im thinking of her and hope shes okay....but i didnt. I knew she'd have her new guy comforting her, as much as I wanted to contact her, I knew i couldnt. When she ditched me she lost all the rights she had with me. Me being there for her in tough situations was a right she lost. Maybe that applies to your situation, but i know how you feel...you want to be there for them, and its imposible because they broke your heart. I just wish she knew I wanted to be there for her. I think NC is the best way, it might be hard to hear from you/us on such a sad day.
Author NeNinja Posted December 31, 2010 Author Posted December 31, 2010 I think I knew that was the right answer all along. I know she doesn't have any right to have me there for her and she may not even need it. Even though I'm the dumpee, I've been feeling guilty the last couple of days. I know that the issues that caused the relationship to end were mine and that I was given more than enough time to realize they were becoming/had become issues and address them. I'm giving her space because that is what we both want and need but sometimes I feel like I'm being almost unneccessarily cold (and maybe a little selfish) by not reaching out to her, apologizing, etc. She really hasn't done anything wrong (other than break up with me )
Hhhh Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 if she is willing to fight for the relationship she would be with you right now...she bailed meaning you weren't worth don't stick around where your not wanted
PegNosePete Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 When she ditched you, she ditched everything that you are. The good, and the bad. She can't keep selective parts that she wants (shoulder to cry on). Stick to the NC dude.
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