OceanGirl Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 Look, northern underscore sky, listen to me. Because I exist I know that you can find a fundamentally nice person who will not bore you. But you're ****ing crazy, so until you get your **** together, I would almost prefer to keep that knowledge to myself, such that you don't go and disrupt some poor boy's life. That's quite harsh
Author northern_sky Posted December 31, 2010 Author Posted December 31, 2010 Look, northern underscore sky, listen to me. Because I exist I know that you can find a fundamentally nice person who will not bore you. But you're ****ing crazy, so until you get your **** together, I would almost prefer to keep that knowledge to myself, such that you don't go and disrupt some poor boy's life. Not too nice to call me "fcking crazy!"
OceanGirl Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 BTW welike - almost everyone likes to think of themselves as "fundamentally nice person"....doesn't mean it's true.
threebyfate Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 Not too nice to call me "fcking crazy!" You just told this guy you fall for x, y, z. He gave you x, y, z.
Author northern_sky Posted December 31, 2010 Author Posted December 31, 2010 BTW welike - almost everyone likes to think of themselves as "fundamentally nice person"....doesn't mean it's true. haha, so true, with "fundamentally" intended to excuse any bad behavior.
Author northern_sky Posted December 31, 2010 Author Posted December 31, 2010 You just told this guy you fall for x, y, z. He gave you x, y, z. I know, I was thinking that! What's perfect is I don't think it was intentional. I like welikeincrowds, though. And I'll acknowledge that I am crazy.
threebyfate Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 I know, I was thinking that! What's perfect is I don't think it was intentional. I like welikeincrowds, though. And I'll acknowledge that I am crazy.Better believe it was intentional. He's not stupid.
OceanGirl Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 I know, I was thinking that! What's perfect is I don't think it was intentional. I like welikeincrowds, though. And I'll acknowledge that I am crazy. I like him too. I would totally go for someone like him, just based on his posts on here
OceanGirl Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 Better believe it was intentional. He's not stupid. Hmmmm. I kind of agree with you now.
Author northern_sky Posted December 31, 2010 Author Posted December 31, 2010 Hmmmm. I kind of agree with you now. I still can't decide if it was. I hope he weighs in, but even if it wasn't he'll probably claim it was to save face...
Author northern_sky Posted December 31, 2010 Author Posted December 31, 2010 (edited) I like him too. I would totally go for someone like him, just based on his posts on here To be honest, though, the classic type I'm drawn to would never be found on a relationship forum...because they no interest in emotional stuff. Instead they'd be out drinking with friends, doing extra work from the office, or curling up with some non fiction book. I can't really think of any male LSers who fit the mold. Edited December 31, 2010 by northern_sky
dispatch3d Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 This is the conclusion I've reached in trying to examine my broken people picker. Every guy I'm attracted to aside from the fluke of my ex shares these traits in common: narcissism, extreme verbal and analytical talent, dismissiveness, and arrogance. Basically the embodiment of my type seems to be a young Gore Vidal (if he were straight). I am sure it's because I was surrounded by men growing up who were variations on this theme. It's disturbing to me, because I know any involvement with these guys will only lead to heartbreak, yet I feel zero attraction to guys who fall outside of this mold. "extreme verbal and analytical talent" I've realized just lately I've spent a ton of my time hanging out with people who are smart. And one overwhelming quality is very few of them are narcissitic. I believe one of the reasons is narcissists are so self-absorbed they may have a lot of barriers in their own mind which are impossible to remove. They can consider other peoples opinions, but usually would value their own opinion above others anyways. Probably why you don't think they are willing to "connect" with others. My issue I guess is "extreme analytical talent". For the most part the people I know with extreme analytical talent were NOT narcisstic. I agree with the other traits. I also went through some pickup material concerning what they consider to be the 8 most important things women look for in guys (guys obviously go for looks mostly, but consider other things). I would say all 8 factors they chose would fit into a narcissitic personality perfectly. For the most part girls DO NOT like smart guys. To the point where some literature states things like "I bet you are really smart and usually right in your opinions." I have been questioning that statement for a long time - how did he know this to be true, but more importantly WHY is that so. When a girl says her ex boyfriend was very smart, blablabla I'm naturally very cautious. I do believe they were narcissitic though. The other problem is everyone has a certain level of narcissism. fwiw a very good friend of mine is a narcissist. I would say he's my best friend but I've kind of since realized he has many negative qualities which some of my other less "good" friends don't have.
Author northern_sky Posted December 31, 2010 Author Posted December 31, 2010 I basically disagree with all of your observations about people! "extreme verbal and analytical talent" I've realized just lately I've spent a ton of my time hanging out with people who are smart. And one overwhelming quality is very few of them are narcissitic. I believe one of the reasons is narcissists are so self-absorbed they may have a lot of barriers in their own mind which are impossible to remove. That just means they have low emotional intelligence, but they can be extremely gifted in everything else. They can consider other peoples opinions, but usually would value their own opinion above others anyways. Probably why you don't think they are willing to "connect" with others. My issue I guess is "extreme analytical talent". For the most part the people I know with extreme analytical talent were NOT narcisstic. I couldn't disagree more. I find guys who are extremely smart tend to be MORE narcissistic on average, sadly. I agree with the other traits. I also went through some pickup material concerning what they consider to be the 8 most important things women look for in guys (guys obviously go for looks mostly, but consider other things). I would say all 8 factors they chose would fit into a narcissitic personality perfectly. OK, this is probably true -- that narcissistic men have an edge with the ladies. For the most part girls DO NOT like smart guys. To the point where some literature states things like "I bet you are really smart and usually right in your opinions." I have been questioning that statement for a long time - how did he know this to be true, but more importantly WHY is that so. This is so, so off. I mean taste varies widely, but all else being equal most women will easily choose the smarter guy. That doesn't mean they like asocial nerds, but confident + smart is a lethal combo for a guy.
USMCHokie Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 I find guys who are extremely smart tend to be MORE narcissistic on average, sadly. I wanted to avoid going here in this thread, but what is "smart" to you...? If I remember correctly, I think we had very different beliefs in what intelligence really is...
zengirl Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 This is so, so off. I mean taste varies widely, but all else being equal most women will easily choose the smarter guy. That doesn't mean they like asocial nerds, but confident + smart is a lethal combo for a guy. Well, smart women like smart men. Studies overwhelmingly show that smart women often have problems because they refuse to date men they think aren't as smart as they are----and men are less likely to value intelligence than women in a mate (not saying none do), on average, so the smartest men don't tend to always end up with the smartest women. I don't think smart people are any more likely to be jerks, but they ARE likely to be better at it (being a jerk, but hiding it just long enough). And, well, at everything that's a mental challenge. I know many nice, smart men. Most girls who date jerks --- regardless of intelligence --- it comes down to them liking the sizzle, and not the steak. Also, it's a matter of being "forward." Jerks (stupid or smart) are more forward. The smart ones are better at it, likely. They're forward because they're jerks, and that's their move, that's their time. . . the beginning. When you want a non-jerk, perhaps a bit more patience (not saying date guys you find ugly or anything like that---aesthetics shouldn't be impacted) for the charm might help.
Author northern_sky Posted December 31, 2010 Author Posted December 31, 2010 I wanted to avoid going here in this thread, but what is "smart" to you...? If I remember correctly, I think we had very different beliefs in what intelligence really is... Basically it's a gut reaction I have when somebody opens their mouth.
AverageJoe Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 Basically it's a gut reaction I have when somebody opens their mouth. That is known as intuition.
Author northern_sky Posted December 31, 2010 Author Posted December 31, 2010 I wanted to avoid going here in this thread, but what is "smart" to you...? If I remember correctly, I think we had very different beliefs in what intelligence really is... But more specifically the ability to follow arguments and come to logical conclusions, good observational and analytical abilities.
Author northern_sky Posted December 31, 2010 Author Posted December 31, 2010 That is known as intuition. It's intuition on my end, not theirs.
USMCHokie Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 But more specifically the ability to follow arguments and come to logical conclusions, good observational and analytical abilities. Fair enough.
OceanGirl Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 Smart men are in high demand. In academia (actually in my department) where everybody pretty much has a PhD in hard science - ALL men are married or in LTRs (from 28-58). Large % are quite unattractive too. Conversely, about 50% of the women (28-58) are perma-single. This lines up with my experience - smart men are in much higher demand than smart women (sorry for going on a bit of a tangent..). Unfortunately, smart men are better at emotional manipulation too.
Star Gazer Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 May I ask a personal question? How soon are you sleeping with these guys? I would wait at least 2 months before giving in to their charms. She has stated the longest she's gone without sex - ever - is 3 weeks. So yeah, your suggestion that she way a while before sleeping with new guys is very sound advice. But not just so she can get to know them better, but so she can discontinue the branch swinging...
welikeincrowds Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 I still can't decide if it was. I hope he weighs in, but even if it wasn't he'll probably claim it was to save face... Yes it was intentional. As tbf points out I was showing you what I was telling you. Besides, how could it not be intentional? I wrote it. If I intended something else I would have written that instead. You seem to need help so I will let you in on the secret. There are two important distinctions to be made between smart *******s who are fundamentally nice and smart *******s who are fundamentally narcissists. (Yes I am describing myself.) Nice *******s have self-indulgent angst for western culture because it has discarded aesthetic as meaningless and makes virtue out of ugliness. Narcissistic *******s have self-indulgent angst for the world because God made it, not them, and narcissists don't thank God.Narcissist *******s love no one. Nice *******s love their mothers.
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