I finally read his texts and WOW... it's worse than I thought :(

[Jen76]

First time posting on this board but Ive been a lurker for a long time. Things just got so bad that I needed to post and share my frustration.

 

For the last few weeks I thought my husband might be cheating on me with a coworker but I wasn't really sure. Lately hes been staying really late at work, like 2-3 nights a week, and acting weird when he gets home. I asked him about it and he gets defensive and says he's just really busy with new clients.

 

I knew something was up so I took a peek at his phone when he was in the shower to find... NOTHING! He deleted all his text messages!

 

Now I was sure he had to be hiding something so I went online and looked up how to recover deleted texts. I couldn't find anything but then found a program that spys on cell phone activity such as conversations and texts and put it on his phone.

 

Please don't judge me for snooping, I just needed to know if he was cheating...

 

Anyway, what I found was EVEN WORSE. He was not only cheating on me, he told this girl that he wished SHE was his wife. I got his deleted messages and found out he's been talking to this girl for 3 MONTHS. He even sent her dirty messages on Christmas when he was at home with me. How could I have not noticed this sooner???

 

I couldn't believe what I was reading. I was frozen for a while before I could even move - it was so unexpected, it had to be a few minutes before I started to cry.

 

I haven't confronted him yet since I just found out yesterday and am still kind of in shock. What do I do???

Edited January 1, 2011 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Removed URL of spy phone program

[whichwayisup]

What a f...ker!

 

Do you have kids? How long have you been married? Sorry for your pain..

 

I say, print out all those texts, leave them out on the bed, on his pillow. Pack a few bags and go to your parents place. Make him suffer for a while and wonder what is going to happen next.

 

He is going to deny, lie, minimize (aka throw the OW under the bus, say she meant nothing to him) and beg you to forgive him. You know he's lying and cheating, nothing can justify what he's done.

 

DO NOT blame yourself, he's broken inside and has chosen to do this. If he was unhappy he could have told you, instead he took the selfish way.

[rhonian]

OOOOOkayyyy! Now, that you probably just sent every LS member to "easycellspy.com" LOL could you explain what you did to his cell, how it worked, cost and all the details. Very curious......

 

Your situation is a DEALBREAKER. (atleast if I was in your situation)

[BenThereDunThat]

I hope this isn't a spam...clever and well-written, but still possibly spam.

 

If I'm wrong I apologize.

 

I imagine a search of the site mentioned might bring up similar posts in other infidelity boards.

[Distant78]

Easycellspy.com. Let me write that down. *gets a pad and a pen*

 

Seriously ma'am. Get out of there. He thought he was slick by deleting everything.

[Fight4Me]

First time posting on this board but Ive been a lurker for a long time. Things just got so bad that I needed to post and share my frustration.

 

For the last few weeks I thought my husband might be cheating on me with a coworker but I wasn't really sure. Lately hes been staying really late at work, like 2-3 nights a week, and acting weird when he gets home. I asked him about it and he gets defensive and says he's just really busy with new clients.

 

I knew something was up so I took a peek at his phone when he was in the shower to find... NOTHING! He deleted all his text messages!

 

Now I was sure he had to be hiding something so I went online and looked up how to recover deleted texts. I couldn't find anything but then found easycellspy.com and put it on his phone.

 

Please don't judge me for snooping, I just needed to know if he was cheating...

 

Anyway, what I found was EVEN WORSE. He was not only cheating on me, he told this girl that he wished SHE was his wife. I got his deleted messages and found out he's been talking to this girl for 3 MONTHS. He even sent her dirty messages on Christmas when he was at home with me. How could I have not noticed this sooner???

 

I couldn't believe what I was reading. I was frozen for a while before I could even move - it was so unexpected, it had to be a few minutes before I started to cry.

 

I haven't confronted him yet since I just found out yesterday and am still kind of in shock. What do I do???

 

First of all (((hugs))) you need them. Second of all, the stuff he texted to her are not all that unusual and actually follow a very predictable pattern of behavior with WS (Wayward Spouses).

 

Yes, you are definitely in shock. I didn't discover my fWH's A the way you did (he came to me), but you're not alone here. There will be some people here who will say unhelpful things like "divorce his azzz." Right now, you need a plan.

 

If you can save those texts in some form, do so right away and put them in a safe place. I recommend contacting a lawyer to determine your rights. This does NOT mean that your marriage is over, but confronting your WH when you have all your ducks in a row is absolutely the best way to go. It will be hard to sit on what you have. The shock will wear off and you'll want to lay into him, but you're at a very vulnerable stage where he could lie and gaslight his way out of this.

 

Do not walk, but run to a bookstore and get the book "Not Just Friends," by Shirley Glass. This is, hands down, the best guide to getting through the enormous heartbreak of infidelity. It will also be a great help to your WH should he decide to reconcile (and I am guessing he will).

 

A couple of questions:

 

1. Do you have children?

 

2. How long have you been married?

 

Whatever you do, don't make any life-altering decisions until you have finally floated back down to reality. There is life after infidelity, whether you decide to divorce or reconcile... you WILL survive. I promise.

 

Oh, one last thing. You need to take care of yourself. When we get punched in the stomach and heart like this, we often forget the basics, like eating and drinking water. Also, seeing your doctor for temporary relief from depression or anxiety as you wade through this muck is a good idea too. There's no shame in asking for help.

 

Welcome to LS and the club nobody wants to be apart of. (((hugs)))

[Distant78]

First time posting on this board but Ive been a lurker for a long time. Things just got so bad that I needed to post and share my frustration.

 

For the last few weeks I thought my husband might be cheating on me with a coworker but I wasn't really sure. Lately hes been staying really late at work, like 2-3 nights a week, and acting weird when he gets home. I asked him about it and he gets defensive and says he's just really busy with new clients.

 

I knew something was up so I took a peek at his phone when he was in the shower to find... NOTHING! He deleted all his text messages!

 

Now I was sure he had to be hiding something so I went online and looked up how to recover deleted texts. I couldn't find anything but then found easycellspy.com and put it on his phone.

 

Please don't judge me for snooping, I just needed to know if he was cheating...

 

Anyway, what I found was EVEN WORSE. He was not only cheating on me, he told this girl that he wished SHE was his wife. I got his deleted messages and found out he's been talking to this girl for 3 MONTHS. He even sent her dirty messages on Christmas when he was at home with me. How could I have not noticed this sooner???

 

I couldn't believe what I was reading. I was frozen for a while before I could even move - it was so unexpected, it had to be a few minutes before I started to cry.

 

I haven't confronted him yet since I just found out yesterday and am still kind of in shock. What do I do???

 

I know you're in shock but you have to start taking precautionary steps to protect yourself. Get the ducks in a row because that's a dealbreaker. There's no excuse for cheating.

[gisellefromhell]

I just learned that "get your ducks in a row" is an actual term. Thank you, LS!

 

OP, I'm sorry for what you're going through. I also once have found out about infidelity through snooping. And get this, he said it was my fault for snooping. What an ass. Anyway, please consider very carefully your next step. You now have the advantage because he doesn't know that you know. Be smart, and be careful.

[Jen76]

I don't have kids thank God. I've been married to this man for nearly 3 years and now I know that's as far as it will go.

 

I'm worried about printing out the texts cause that would be evidence I snooped right? I think I'm gonna go to my parents' place, they live close by, and I'll write a letter telling him I know everything. I just still can't believe this is happening and it's so hard to take any action right now even though I need to get it together.

 

 

Beentheredunthat,

 

Sorry maybe I shouldn't have posted a URL, I didn't realize it might be against forum rules. I can take it down I don't really care if anybody else uses that program or not, just thought Id mention how I got the deleted texts since it took me forever to figure out how. rhonian it was pretty easy, just had to go to a website on his phone and download a profile.

[Distant78]

I don't have kids thank God. I've been married to this man for nearly 3 years and now I know that's as far as it will go.

 

I'm worried about printing out the texts cause that would be evidence I snooped right? I think I'm gonna go to my parents' place, they live close by, and I'll write a letter telling him I know everything. I just still can't believe this is happening and it's so hard to take any action right now even though I need to get it together.

 

 

Beentheredunthat,

 

Sorry maybe I shouldn't have posted a URL, I didn't realize it might be against forum rules. I can take it down I don't really care if anybody else uses that program or not, just thought Id mention how I got the deleted texts since it took me forever to figure out how. rhonian it was pretty easy, just had to go to a website on his phone and download a profile.

 

Good you're protecting yourself. He won't stop cheating anytime soon.

[2010_Sorry]

Good for you Jen76... nobody will judge you for what you did!! You needed to know this for your own sanity... Your husband is not a trustworthy man and you had to take matters into your own hands!

 

I'm so sorry for what you're going through. Keep your chin up... don't let this situation make you think that there is ANYTHING wrong with you.

 

You have a TON of support here on LS. Keep cool with your husband while you get your situation in order (bank accts, credit cards, etc) and lean on your friends and family for support. This is a really tough thing for anyone to go through, so don't try to do it all on your own, okay?

 

Lots of hugs here!!

[kourtney01]

Leave! He is a sicko and he has committed the worst type of cheating: emotional cheating. Although cheating is bad enough as it is...he can't blame this one on a drunken night or a moment of weakness. It's persistent and ongoing and he has NO SHAME.

 

I have suffered the same way and it is an emotional roller-coaster you do not want to embark on.

[gisellefromhell]

I don't have kids thank God. I've been married to this man for nearly 3 years and now I know that's as far as it will go.

 

I'm worried about printing out the texts cause that would be evidence I snooped right? I think I'm gonna go to my parents' place, they live close by, and I'll write a letter telling him I know everything. I just still can't believe this is happening and it's so hard to take any action right now even though I need to get it together.

 

 

Beentheredunthat,

 

Sorry maybe I shouldn't have posted a URL, I didn't realize it might be against forum rules. I can take it down I don't really care if anybody else uses that program or not, just thought Id mention how I got the deleted texts since it took me forever to figure out how. rhonian it was pretty easy, just had to go to a website on his phone and download a profile.

 

I still think you should print the texts out. Otherwise it will be your word against his.

[Fight4Me]

I don't have kids thank God. I've been married to this man for nearly 3 years and now I know that's as far as it will go.

 

I'm pro-marriage, but even I get concerned when cheating occurs within a fairly short time. People still have been able to successfully reconcile under similar circumstances, but I know that if my fWH had cheated before we had a chance to weather so many storms and lived a fulfilling 20 years together, I'm pretty sure I would have cut bait and run.

 

But again, you're still in shock. They don't call this a rollercoaster for nothing, and you will experience some pretty serious ups and downs. Just know that when that happens, it's completely normal.

 

I'm worried about printing out the texts cause that would be evidence I snooped right? I think I'm gonna go to my parents' place, they live close by, and I'll write a letter telling him I know everything. I just still can't believe this is happening and it's so hard to take any action right now even though I need to get it together.

He doesn't need to see the print outs. If nothing else, it's solid evidence for you to look at whenever you begin to think that maybe it wasn't what you thought (yes, that happens). You can also take it to your lawyer just for reference - he/she will advise you about how you discovered the affair. A lot depends on whether you live in an "at fault" State, but without kids, everything will probably just get split down the middle anyway.

 

I think going to your parents is a good idea. You need your family right now, and they can help you with the next few steps. When you write the letter, do not reveal your sources (i.e. how you know). Just make it abundantly clear that you know EVERYTHING.

 

Personally, I prefer the method of stuffing his cr@p in some Hefty bags and leaving them out front with a note. Afterall, why should YOU be the one to leave your own home? You've done nothing wrong.

 

By the way, you need to also get tested for STD's since he has now slept with every man she has ever slept with, which means you have too. If the OW has a husband, he needs to know also, but don't tell your WH that you're going to do it because they'll just end up concocting some wild story about you being a nutcase.

 

Just breathe... you'll get through this.

[Jen76]

I looked into the legal issues before using the program just in case and found it was perfectly legal as long as I own the phone, which I do.

 

Oh and giselle, I have copies of all the texts in print and on my computer. I just didn't want to leave them out on our bed for him to find because I wanted to consult a lawyer first before showing him what I have.

 

I'm going to my parents' place tonight. I can't be here anymore.

Edited December 30, 2010 by Jen76

[YellowShark]

I have copies of all the texts in print and on my computer. I just didn't want to leave them out on our bed for him to find because I wanted to consult a lawyer first before showing him what I have.

 

 

Here's what you need to do.

 

1) Print out all the texts BUT DO NOT SHOW THEM TO YOUR HUSBAND. (These printouts are only for your friends, family, and lawyer should they doubt your word.)

 

2) Confront your husband and tell him you know everything, BUT DO NOT TELL HIM HOW YOU FOUND OUT. (It is none of his business how you found out and he will just gaslight you if he knows how you found out. He will try to make you out as the villain because "you spied on him.")

 

3) Do not tell him you are leaving the house for good, THAT COULD BE USED IN COURT AGAINST YOU. (Simply tell him you need some time to think, and that you are going to your parents for a few days.)

 

4) Consult a lawyer.

 

Good luck.

[Distant78]

I looked into the legal issues before using the program just in case and found it was perfectly legal as long as I own the phone, which I do.

 

Oh and giselle, I have copies of all the texts in print and on my computer. I just didn't want to leave them out on our bed for him to find because I wanted to consult a lawyer first before showing him what I have.

 

I'm going to my parents' place tonight. I can't be here anymore.

 

So glad you have the courage to leave.

[jenifer1972]

How horrible! And after only three years! Good that you got legal advice. I would not leave the house for long. It puts him in a position of power and you will be the one at a disadvantage not living in your own house . You want him to be the one who is inconvenienced.

[sfranks1492]

You have nothing to be sorry about. Stand firm and stand tall. You are a strong woman for what you've done up to this point. After 3 years, i too, would be devastated and heartbroken to find out these things about my SO. Definitely keep the information and print out a copy of the texts. If you decide to pursue divorce or alimony, you will need evidence that he cheated in the marriage. That is your evidence. Once again, you did NOTHING wrong. He is to blame here. He is the one who cheated. This would be hard to forgive and FORGET