pookster72 Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 i went to get coffee with my ex a few days ago because he was in town and i hadn't seen him in two years. it was nice to catch up, but i have absolutely no desire to be with him and im fairly certain he feels the same. we dated for three years, but broke up four years ago. i have a boyfriend who i've been with for almost a year now. things are really good. should i tell him that i saw my ex? on the one hand i feel like if i were in his position i would want to know, but on the other hand i know it would make him jealous when he doesn't have any reason to be.
joeLove Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 Tell him, he will appreciate the honesty and this will improve the trust he has in you. If you don't tell him and he eventually finds out ... the trust he has built with you might stand on one leg ... The pros of telling him out-weight the cons ... This is a no brainer.
SmileFace Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 You should have really told him before but that time as passed. If you would like him to tell you if the situation was the same. Then you should go ahead and tell him.
Truly Lost Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 I wouldn't tell him. Why should you? If there is no emotional connection between you and your ex, then there isn't anything to talk about. Don't stir up things in your current relationship by telling him something like meeting up with your ex. What do you intend to accomplish by doing that? Do you tell your current boyfriend about all the people you have a conversation with in a day? I don't know if you agree with me, but we shall see when you are back on here sobbing about why your boyfriend won't talk to you.
Author pookster72 Posted December 30, 2010 Author Posted December 30, 2010 You should have really told him before but that time as passed. If you would like him to tell you if the situation was the same. Then you should go ahead and tell him. yea i totally should have, which is why i feel like it would look bad if i told him now after waiting so long. it was a last minute thing...i didn't even know the ex was in town or anything and then later thought about telling my boyfriend but kept postponing it so now it looks like i have something to hide. i should have just told him right then.
joeLove Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 The longer you postpone the obvious, the worse it makes you look. Tell him today, bring it behind you and move on. Stop letting this consume your time and energy. Communication 101
Seamless74 Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 Dont tell him ****.. he doesnt know and wont be the wiser... only reason i say dont tell him now is because you should have told him before hand (which im sure you knew) but im also sure you didnt tell him because you really wanted to go and you knew he wouldnt want you too.. So actually its a bull**** question, the real question you should be asking yourself is why you wanted to go so bad??
alexlakeman Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 You met up and probably even kissed on the cheek someone who you slept with, sucked his d)ck, and made out with.. Of course there is nothing to be jealous about.. don't tell him. Just don't come here pissed if he does the same thing, lol.. Wow, after a year and you do that to him!?!?!? Damn... I'd dump your ass..
lois_80 Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 If you have nothing to hide I don't see a reason to keep it a secret. Openness and honesty is usually the best way to go.
Mad Max Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 Regardless of how much time has passed, it'll be much better for you to be honest than for him to find out on his own.
Hopeful30 Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 (edited) TELL HIM!!!!! This is why I broke up with my ex. I don't care if he kept in touch with his ex, but he always hid it from me. I know he didn't do anything wrong, but him hiding it from me after I asked him not too not only made me feel DISRESPECTED, but it also made me feel like he was hiding something. Think about it. If your boyfriend did the same and didn't tell you, wouldn't you feel like he refrained for a reason? Besides, if nothing is wrong, then there shouldn't be a problem telling him. He won't get jealous if he is secure in the relationship. On the contrary I think he will appreciate it more that you told him, and he will feel more secure because he is aware of whats going on, and he knows you will always tell him. Hiding things, even if they are unnecessary to hide, only create more insecurity in a relationship. Be open about it. Tell him. And look at it from another perspective. If he gets insanely jealous and it creates problems, then tell him that next time you just won't tell him about it, because you will want to avoid this conflict. It will make him think twice about his reaction and he will try to be more calm, because he will want to be in the loop and he will be afraid that if you keep hiding it, something might happen. Edited December 31, 2010 by Hopeful30
SincereOnlineGuy Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 i went to get coffee with my ex a few days ago because he was in town and i hadn't seen him in two years. it was nice to catch up, but i have absolutely no desire to be with him and im fairly certain he feels the same. we dated for three years, but broke up four years ago. i have a boyfriend who i've been with for almost a year now. things are really good. should i tell him that i saw my ex? on the one hand i feel like if i were in his position i would want to know, but on the other hand i know it would make him jealous when he doesn't have any reason to be. Why not just save some time and break-up with your boyfriend? The ONLY reason for telling a current boyfriend something like that (when there is no chance he'd find out any other way) is to try to inspire him to break-up with you over it (used especially when one is too gutless to initiate the break-up herself). These clueless posters encouraging you to "tell him" pointlessly, represent what we're dealing with out in society. Not only that, but you don't even have any "substance" to offer, if "telling him" that way. So, exercise enough common sense to initiate the break-up yourself before such a moment as when you would "tell him" that you met up with your ex boyfriend. Explore your own motivations for "telling him", and then conclude as would those with any common sense, that they are unhealthy. There is just nooooooooooooooo sensible reason to tell him. And you can always tell him tomorrow, while you can NEVER UN-tell him.
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