mr.dream merchant Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 ..a fling that you were involved with for several months, just you and them. You both weren't exclusive, but you both knew that as far as physical needs and desires go, they were met between the both of you. The sex was good, both of you had papers to prove you were HIV/STD free, and there was a form of birth control involved...so the sex was without protection. Now suppose, for some reason or another, the two of you stop seeing each other, and also stop communicating with each other. A couple months down the line, your long lost fling manages to come into contact with you again. You guys meet up, go out on a date, enjoy yourselves thoroughly, and end up back at their place. Before things get heated, would you want to know of their sexual activities while they were gone, but for the purpose of protecting your physical health? How would you ask them? Where would you draw the line before wanting to know of their sexual adventures? Kissing? Oral sex?
carhill Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 Since there was no exclusivity in the past, none would have been expected in the interim and the same rules as in the past would apply. The disconnect for myself would be that non-exclusivity in and of itself invalidates any test results, as status can change from second to second, something testing cannot yet control for. Personally, I wouldn't consider having any sort of sexual relations without protection with such a person, and likely would forgo it entirely, since I don't believe in casual sex. YMMV.
SmileFace Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 I had to deal with this recently. If I am comfortable enough with someone to have sex with them. Especially in situation as such. I will just ask. If I am reading this right. You both were exclusive to each other sexually,right?
beachgirll2011 Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 That's just how it is. When I first started dating I went to my gyno and was tested for EVERYTHING and had the results faxed to me. I then showed him and told him that i hoped he was as std free as me. it worked for me and wasn't an uncomfortable conversation bc i had the paperwork...it worked for me
Karma20 Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 The sad part about asking is they might not tell you the truth. Use protection
carhill Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 OP, for clarity, are you saying you and your 'fling' were exclusive sexually and non-exclusive in everything *but* sex? Upon what basis did you form that sort of trust? Have you known each other for many years and trust each other implicitly? I'm just trying to understand the dynamic of how exclusivity can be compartmentalized.
Author mr.dream merchant Posted December 30, 2010 Author Posted December 30, 2010 OP, for clarity, are you saying you and your 'fling' were exclusive sexually and non-exclusive in everything *but* sex? Upon what basis did you form that sort of trust? Have you known each other for many years and trust each other implicitly? I'm just trying to understand the dynamic of how exclusivity can be compartmentalized. To be clear on the topic, it's more of a "what if" scenario than actual reality for me. The woman I am speaking of, we were exclusively dating, but the label was removed. But we both assured each other that we were still exclusive sexually. Now, what if, for some reason, we manage to reconnect? How would you recommend approaching a situation like that? Would the woman be disrespected if I inquire about her being responsible sexually during our window of no contact? Is it my place to ask?
carhill Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 Since it's your health and your life, IMO it's always your place to ask. If such questions aren't received in a positive manner, that's not your problem. *Presume* she's been sexually active with other men during the interim. We both know how easy that is for women, right?
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