rhonian Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 Ladies, say you had breakup (he ended it) after a 2 year relationship and in that relationship you really came to love this man would you let him know you loved him, needed him and wanted him? Im starting to have a problem with NC...here's why....WHAT IF SHE IS PRACTICING NC TOO? If we are both in NC mode but ultimately we both really want to be with each other than there is somewhat of a stalemate, right?
GreenPolicy Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 Ladies, say you had breakup (he ended it) after a 2 year relationship and in that relationship you really came to love this man would you let him know you loved him, needed him and wanted him? Im starting to have a problem with NC...here's why....WHAT IF SHE IS PRACTICING NC TOO? If we are both in NC mode but ultimately we both really want to be with each other than there is somewhat of a stalemate, right? There is no such thing as a stalemate. If you got dumped, go NC and get on with your life. If the dumper ever decides they want you back, they'll let you know. Chasing after them won't change their minds.
january2010 Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 I'd give it one shot, but that's it. It's actually good that you're both NC, if that's the case. Because if you do get back together then you'll both be in a good emotional place to handle it. Otherwise, the issues leading to the breakup are still hanging over your heads if you get back together too soon and aren't strong enough to work through them.
Graceful Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 Ladies, say you had breakup (he ended it) after a 2 year relationship and in that relationship you really came to love this man would you let him know you loved him, needed him and wanted him? Im starting to have a problem with NC...here's why....WHAT IF SHE IS PRACTICING NC TOO? If we are both in NC mode but ultimately we both really want to be with each other than there is somewhat of a stalemate, right? There is no such thing as a stalemate. I know your situation and you have described it. You did call her. She did say good bye to you. There is no such thing as a stalemate if you are out of contact for the right reasons, and you seem to be hurting, so you are forgetting the list of 43 reasons (and counting) why you and she are not right for each other. She is your ex for a reason. You did not storm off for nothing. Did you? Additionally, if you think the reason she is not contacting you is b/c she is a woman, think again. That's not the reason. She has the same access to technology as you do, right? That's not gender specific. She never went out of her way for you in two years. Why would she start now? There is such a thing as pride and self-respect that is not gender specific either. So get your's together.
LifeIsGreat Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 Rhonian..... I know what you're talking about. Yes, I believe it's possible for a stalemate to be going on. I can tell you right now that with just a little work, I could get me ex back--- I have done it before with her. But here's the thing. She dumped me. If she has too much pride to try to win me back, then frankly I don't want her. Unhealthy pride is not good for a ltr. Also, she doesn't have the ability to take responsibility for her part in our relationship problems and everything is always my fault. This is unhealthy for a ltr too. In most cases, the dumper should be repsonsible for trying to get back together. If my ex had the balls to come to me, tell me she missed me & loved me, take responsibility for her errors, forgive me for my errors, and be clear she wanted to work on a future together--- well lets just say that's not going happen (I know her well enough), but if she did=- Yeah, what the heck I would prbably consider it.
Author rhonian Posted December 30, 2010 Author Posted December 30, 2010 .....and one more reason of why I have come to love LS. Thanks folks, for all of your opinions. I really respect them. People are wired differently and I am the type after a breakup to really beat myself up and ask myself, "Why, why, why.....did I do this, this and that?" I really put myself on the chopping block. On the other hand, some people blame, blame, blame deflecting any fault back to the other person and that is just who she is. Truth is, she was in the relationship too and had faults that I just accepted as "thats who she is noones perfect." Im not the type to really hold onto ones faults, although, she is. LifeisGreat, its amazing, I swear if you and I were to have a long conversation we would find striking similarities in our relationships. The way you describe your relationship is mine to a "T"! In previous breakups I went running back to save it and got her back everytime. I too, think that with a little bit of energy burned I could get the relationship back in tact. However, something broke inside me this time. It was the smallest of arguments but it was the cumulative that made me snap and walk. She is so strong-willed and stubborn, so prideful, SO RIGHT!!! If she cannot "give in" just this one time than it will tell me everything about who she is and what this relationship is really about....CONTROL! I have the luxury of knowing what the next guy is going to get in the relationship. She proved her history to me early on from her own mouth. Her X wasnt happy because she was so insensitive and lacked affection. Her next 5 year relationship that guy wouldnt give up everything and move to her either. Then, I came along and now Ive ended it with her because she is insensitive, always right, untrusting, etc. (surely, she has to be sitting and thinking in her quiet time..."whats wrong with me, do I need fixing?"
Breakupguy12 Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 Ladies, say you had breakup (he ended it) after a 2 year relationship and in that relationship you really came to love this man would you let him know you loved him, needed him and wanted him? Im starting to have a problem with NC...here's why....WHAT IF SHE IS PRACTICING NC TOO? If we are both in NC mode but ultimately we both really want to be with each other than there is somewhat of a stalemate, right? I know you asked for "ladies'" feedback, but you should start NC at the point of where either yourself, or both of you have shown that you've thrown in the towel on the relationship, or have realized that it's just not going to work. If you are unsure of your ex's mind state, you need to try to contact them to make sure you know exactly where you both are.
Author rhonian Posted December 30, 2010 Author Posted December 30, 2010 Breakup, Im on the fence of contacting her. I really want to just to be sure that this is what she wants. The absolute fear of rejection is stopping me. But your reply, triggered something in my mind??? What if she is NC because she fears the rejection too? Afterall, she has a father wound and I believe that abandonment has followed her thru her whole life... thanks for your input.
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