NeNinja Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 When we broke up one of the biggest issues our relationship had was an 'emotional affair' I had had with another ex girlfriend. This girl and I had seperated when she took a job down South (because we didn't want to do long distance) after dating for three years. This was a month and a half before I started dating my current ex. We continued to talk in what my current ex considered a loving and relationship way and when she found out in February it led to a brief break up. During the summer this girl moved back to my city and my girlfriend freaked out even though I didn't know about it and had nothing to do with it and no contact with her. I did end up speaking to her a few times and fed her/our dog when she went out of town once...and of course I kept this from her...and of course she found out. Now that I am no longer in a relationship I have been thinking about reaching out to this other ex. We always got along really well and she has a great heart. The physical spark completely died in the relationship, which was another factor in us calling it quits(which my current ex doesn't understand, she assumes if I was talking to this girl I was also doing other things even though she was 12 hours away). What is the harm in this? If I want my ex back then I should be working to resolve ALL of the issues, including this one. If I don't want my ex back then there shouldn't be any harm in exploring my options and my feelings. Please advise.
PegNosePete Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 You're single now, you can do as you please.
AbsoluteSucker Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 You are single and are free to do whatever you want and pursue various relationships and see where they lead. But if you want the recent ex back and this was a point of contention in your relationship then you have to let the other one go. Especially because she seems to find out anytime you have contact with her. Right now she is probably looking for reasons to not get back together and any excuse you give her is only going to go against you if you want to get back together with her. Before reaching out or doing anything, just take some time to yourself and figure out what you want and what's important to you. Maybe in the mean time the ex will contact you or figure out what she wants. It sounds like there is no rush to reach out to the ex-ex, she's not going anywhere, so just make sure it's the right time.
Author NeNinja Posted December 31, 2010 Author Posted December 31, 2010 I know that I'm single and no one controls me but me right now. I was trying to consider: A. Is now a good time to try and resolve my feelings for my OTHER ex while it can't/won't affect my current ex? It might end up feeling like going through two breakups at once. B. I know that I'm single. I know that it SHOULDN'T bother my ex girlfriend if she finds out BUT a lot of the times what should happen and what happens are comletely diffrent things.
Movingthrough Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 I know that I'm single and no one controls me but me right now. I was trying to consider: A. Is now a good time to try and resolve my feelings for my OTHER ex while it can't/won't affect my current ex? It might end up feeling like going through two breakups at once. B. I know that I'm single. I know that it SHOULDN'T bother my ex girlfriend if she finds out BUT a lot of the times what should happen and what happens are comletely diffrent things. I know what you are going through and trying to say. Im in a similar situation now with an ex (before the one that made me join this site) and i do have feelings with her and a great connection. I have juggled the thought of making it work but i also can say that im in the transitioning stage i think from really jacked up over this last girl and dating. So if i was to get into anything right now, i would mess it up because my head isnt there. I would say if the feelings are there and nothing else is in the way (which it sounds like things are with the current ex possibly flipping out) then go for it. Personally, i would just start talking to the other girl and take it slow, get to know her, and roll with the punches. Do not rush, i know that much..
Author NeNinja Posted December 31, 2010 Author Posted December 31, 2010 I'm smart enough to realize I'm not in a position to date either of these girls right now. I'm actually enjoying the 'single life' and all of the basketball game attendance that it entails. The next time I am in a relationship there are definitely going to be more 'game nights.' My ex was a cheerleader. She'd pry love it. And typing that may have ruined the next game for me I know at some point I'm going to have to get past talking to the old ex and using her as an emotional crutch. We've both 'moved on' because our reltionship died a slow, sexless death where we became roomates and then really good friends. Now that I know my friendship with her is a problem (and is even considered 'cheating' by some girls) I'd hate to see it wreck another relationship because I din't fix the problem.
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