blacksentra Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 Hello All, I just wanted to vent, and I've found this site to be very therapeutic. I've noticed over the past 4 months since me and my ex "officially" broke up, I've gone through different emotional transformations. At first, I begged and pleaded with her to get back together. Needless to say, that didn't go to well. After hearing more than a few scornful words from her, I decided to just give up and leave her alone. Then I went through a period of great depression where I just missed everything about her, and wished for a reconciliation. Now it seems like I'm at a point where I see the relationship for what it was (flaws and all) and I realized that I wasnt really happy with the way I was treated.............I think the grief I feel now has more to do with her rejecting my advances of reconciliation and the thought of her dealing with other people rather than me missing HER and the relationship WE had. However, I still must say my HEART has a way of overriding my BRAIN and I'm still an emotional wreck lol. Also, I'm beginning to feel a lot of ANGER towards my ex. I think I'm starting to hate her . Its like I hate her for giving up on the relationship, when I would have done anything to make it work. I hate her for finding more joy in hanging out with her friends and dating other guys than working on fixing things with me.....I feel like the past 1.5 years with her was her using me as emotional/social support until she became more independent, and then she just decided to drop me when I wasnt needed anymore. Anyone else having the same feelings?
vandelay Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 Anyone else having the same feelings? Hey there. I have a lot of the same feelings. My girl left me after 2+ years. We went through a lot together and supported each other through some tough times. I ended up giving way more than she did, and in the end I think she was feeling so good about herself that she lost interest and just walked away. I was TOO kind to her and I became a pushover. I think that happens a lot. But anyhow, I have been having a lot of the same feelings you described. Its been a couple of months since we were really together, and now I'm not really sure what I miss. I mean, I do miss her, but its like that isn't the main force behind my emotions anymore. I'm messed up when I think about her with other people, and I'm pretty ****ing angry that she can walk away and be instantly cool with it all. I was also willing to give everything, and I'm bitter because she didn't feel I was worth the same effort. I'm also pissed that she felt like she needed to leave me to have fun. I thought we were doing pretty good for a while there. I've been trying to stay away from her completely, but it is impossible due to our situation. When I have no contact with her for 3 or 4 days, it gets better. Then when I see her again I get all screwed up in the head...until it fades a little bit and then happens again. I am particularly pissed right now because she came around yesterday when I explicitly told her I could not handle seeing her. She could have stayed away, but NO, she came into my personal space and as predicted, my head nearly exploded. I just want to get away. But anyhow.........I understand the stages you are going through. Sorry that you have to deal with it, I wouldn't wish this on anyone.
Author blacksentra Posted December 30, 2010 Author Posted December 30, 2010 @Vandelay........Sorry to hear you're in the same boat. Why do you have to maintain contact with her? Kids? work? Yea it does get pretty tough sometimes........It's crazy. It's like she contradicted herself so much. I remember during the first 8 months or so, she would always accuse me of "not caring as much as she did" or when I got a little more popular at college she thought "I would forget about her". Well, I never forgot about her. I always wanted to share my life with her (friends, family, etc.) and I always wanted to make it work between us. Things weren't always peaches and cream but I would have never just got up and left. I remember, she didnt have much of a social life before I met her, and I kinda "took her underneath my wings" and made her life more interesting. Now, over the past few months she made a few new friends (and I was really happy for her) but then she started neglecting me, and that was the beginning of the end..........I remember her last words were "I'm hanging out with my friends, and having fun, and worrying about myself; and you need to do the same." Still stings.........Part of me even wonders had she not gotten her newfound popularity would she have even broke up with me.
SimonSerenade Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 Hey buddy, Your not alone, I was with my ex for 3 years, We had a child together, I've been split from her for around the same time as you, At first I begged and pleaded, Tried to reason with her, Lasted for around 6 weeks till I realised I was wasting my time and my heart, I tried to be her friend for around a month then things went sour again so finally went no contact and though she contacted me twice through the period of no contact it was just pointless cold hearted chatter which got ignored, She got me presents for Christmas, Not half bad either and at that point I broke no contact hoping it may lead to reconciliation and what do you know, It didn't, How great so back to no contact what so ever it was lol. >.> I went through the motions, Devastated, hit my breaking point where I'd do nothing but cry, Couldn't even enjoy a night out without crying at that point then I had my point where I'd wish and pray for a bullet in my head just to put an end to the pain, Now I'm not too bad, Still have my emotional ups and downs and she's still on my mind all the time but it's gotten better, I can live through each day, The pain is almost gone, Sometime's feels there's nothing left but just plain sadness and disappointment for the person she's chosing to be now, For the fact we'll never be again and she's the one who chose it to be that way and still dosen't look back once or twice at the life she could have and at our son who's missing out on a full time father. After all this time I see her for what she is now, A sham, A fraud, A fake etc, To put it simply she ain't so great after all and if she wants to live that way then that's her choice and possibly her mistake to make and one day regret, Best just to leave your ex girlfriend be now, Know you did all you could and be proud of yourself for being true to that and giving it all you got, If she's chosing to be anything other than that to herself then one day she will regret it without a doubt, You can hold me to that
Author blacksentra Posted December 30, 2010 Author Posted December 30, 2010 I've been split from her for around the same time as you, Yea Simon......We've been officially broken up since mid August, but its been no contact since the beginning of December; so I guess I have about 3 weeks of NC. How long did you go NC before you started feeling better? I think the hardest part is keeping her off my mind. I find myself checking the posts here at LS during work, rather than doing my work assignments:mad:. I'm currently on winter break from school, but I dont want to go back and have this affect my grades. It's my last semester before graduation!!!!!!!
SimonSerenade Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 Took a good while before I felt better, I sent her one last hand wirtten letter along with a nice mummy necklace at the start of November, That to me was closure, Felt better after a while but unfortunately contacted her on Christmas day cause she got me presents and I wanted to thank her and it brought me right back to day one so went no contact again and feeling a bit better already, Geuss it all depends on your outlook on it cause with no contact it should change eventually, I often hurt and wonder how she can see herself being with anybody else after me and looking back on all the messed up stuff she did, It hurts but there's nothing I can do or say to make things any different, Best just to move on and try rather than sit in pity waiting around for her.
mgene15 Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 same serenade... I was contacted by my ex on christmas day..and it started all the way back to day 1 NC for me basically..an argument...just look at it like this.. tomorrows new years eve..a new year.. forget NC counting days...just say to yourself you wont contact her in 2011..it's a good start. that's what im doing. I was dumb to answer the phone call on christmas night.. took me back to square 1.. o well
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