Apoorv Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 Hi... I was in a relationship with a girl for 3 months .... but before that she had a boyfriend for 3 years with whom she recently broke up .... she used to cry about loosing him many times in front of me ... that guy is getting married .... she also wanted to see him for the last time ... on her request i went with her.... The thing is she wanted commitment from me ... at first i did not want to commit to her so soon ... but eventually i did on one condition ... that she has to forget her ex and has to be 100% mine .... i told her ways to forget her ex but she said it was to hard for her .... so i said once she has him out of her system only then will i commit to marry her .... as she was not even doing things i told her to do in order to forget him ..... Apart from this guy there is another guy she likes in our office ..... he proposed to her but said no .... although i still know she likes him.... She is 2.5 yrs elder to me .... she is 27 nd i am 24 ..... she wanted to get married in 1 or 2 years time .... nd i want to do my masters and only then want to get married .... which will take about 3-4 years .... i told her that before that i would get engaged to her .... Now the thing is she is convinced that nothing will work out between us ... and she said she wanted time to think .... so i said ok .... then she asked me to be her best friend to which i said no .... but eventually i am her friend now .... which i dont want ... i want her back .... Also even now she calls me sometimes just to see if i am doing good .... she also went out of her way on Christmas to be with me .... and did everything that would make me happy ..... She texts me also .... not that often though .... Also sometimes she says thing like "she helped me from committing the biggest mistake of my life" ... i dont know why as i want her Now i am very confused that does she have feelings for me .... and how can i get her back ..... i really want to ... but i dont want to force anything on her .... i will have her only if she comes back to me .... how do i do that .... please help me ..... also what is the status of my relationship .... i seriously dont know ... as she still wants to do all the things that we did when we were going out ... like having tea at our favorite place etc etc ...... recently she gave me a red rose ... although she said that it meant nothing ..... Please help me out here
PowerOfOne Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 Wait... what? You were going out 3 months and she wanted you to commit to marrying her? She had a guy at work that she wasn't in a relationship with but he asked her to marry him? You were the rebound. Scratch that, you were in a new league of rebound. She would cry about him in front of you?! Pine for him in front of you? Are you kidding? Her ex is getting married so soon and she's in a race to beat him by the looks. This chick is tapped! Run, run for the hills. That is all I can say.
PegNosePete Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 Yes run away very fast, she is crazy. You are the rebound. She wants to get married, she doesn't care to whom. Whoever she does marry, she will most likely get divorced within a year. Make sure that is not you.
Author Apoorv Posted December 30, 2010 Author Posted December 30, 2010 Actually when i had told her to wait for me she said she would wait .... but was not sure if her family would wait that long, also then got skeptical that i would loose interest in her by that time .... The guy in our office likes her and i know she also likes him too. I know its funny but actually here in india marriage is about more than just the two people .... but can anyone tell me what does she feel about me ....
PowerOfOne Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 I don't think she cares a hell of a lot about you to be perfectly honest. It sounds like it was more because you were there and she wanted to get married. I do understand that in the Indian culture love can often come after marriage - so that will have to be your call. There are MANY factors that have to be weighed in under that kind of union.
Don_da_Ho Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 No matter if the two of you are Indian or not. Anyone that wants to get married after three months is crazy. I guess that means both of you. Again, regardless of your nationality, I would want a woman that is totally into me and loves me, not one that is on the rebound and wants to get married for whatever external pressures. Move on Bro. There's not much you can do to "get her back" nor should you even bother. Good luck.
Breakupguy12 Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 Hi... I was in a relationship with a girl for 3 months .... but before that she had a boyfriend for 3 years with whom she recently broke up .... she used to cry about loosing him many times in front of me ... that guy is getting married .... she also wanted to see him for the last time ... on her request i went with her.... The thing is she wanted commitment from me ... at first i did not want to commit to her so soon ... but eventually i did on one condition ... that she has to forget her ex and has to be 100% mine .... i told her ways to forget her ex but she said it was to hard for her .... so i said once she has him out of her system only then will i commit to marry her .... as she was not even doing things i told her to do in order to forget him ..... Apart from this guy there is another guy she likes in our office ..... he proposed to her but said no .... although i still know she likes him.... She is 2.5 yrs elder to me .... she is 27 nd i am 24 ..... she wanted to get married in 1 or 2 years time .... nd i want to do my masters and only then want to get married .... which will take about 3-4 years .... i told her that before that i would get engaged to her .... Now the thing is she is convinced that nothing will work out between us ... and she said she wanted time to think .... so i said ok .... then she asked me to be her best friend to which i said no .... but eventually i am her friend now .... which i dont want ... i want her back .... Also even now she calls me sometimes just to see if i am doing good .... she also went out of her way on Christmas to be with me .... and did everything that would make me happy ..... She texts me also .... not that often though .... Also sometimes she says thing like "she helped me from committing the biggest mistake of my life" ... i dont know why as i want her Now i am very confused that does she have feelings for me .... and how can i get her back ..... i really want to ... but i dont want to force anything on her .... i will have her only if she comes back to me .... how do i do that .... please help me ..... also what is the status of my relationship .... i seriously dont know ... as she still wants to do all the things that we did when we were going out ... like having tea at our favorite place etc etc ...... recently she gave me a red rose ... although she said that it meant nothing ..... Please help me out here No offense, but it sounds like she's wearing the pants in this relationship/situation. I'd recommend you ask her what the status of your relationship is. Why or how would you expect us to give you an answer to that question? Also, you can't make anybody forget about their ex, that's just not going to happen. She had memories and experiences with this guy for 3 whole years before you came into the picture. If the tables were turned, do you really think another chick that you met today could make you forget about your ex that you're talking about in this thread? I don't think so, so you expecting to help her get over her ex is unrealistic.
Author Apoorv Posted December 31, 2010 Author Posted December 31, 2010 Thanks guys ... for your replies.... even i think this relationship is over ...... But i still love her ... anyways i am not going to sit down and cry ... Now even if she comes back to me ... which is not likely to happen .... i would not jump into things as fast as i did earlier..... thank you for your replies
Author Apoorv Posted January 4, 2011 Author Posted January 4, 2011 Guysss ... problem again .... now i am reallly really confusedd ..... i met her again ... as a friend ... which i have done a few times ... as she sometimes goes with me to watch the football match in a bar ... anyways ... First on new years she again lied at her house saying she is going to work but spent time with me .... then the next day she again came to meet me as she needed some help ... so we were here at my place and after some talks we started to talk about our past ... the good times ... nd then got cozy ... nd then we started kissing .... and it was great ..... although we did not do much and i initiated the kissing ... she did not push me away ... after kissing for a while she started saying things like she is really going to miss me and that nobody has been so affectionate to her and then started crying ... She had also told me that she was about to meet a guy arranged by her parents for marriage ... although she said that she will say no to him beforehand ... then next day she met the guy from work who had proposed to her .... she wants to give him a chance ... Although she says he is kind of boring .... the only good thing about him is that he is elder to her and wont make wait 4 years .... I know she is under immense pressure from her family to get married .... But now i am getting confused ... I dont want to be her toy as i have feelings for this girl .... So what should i do ??? I think she is confused .... But would really want an experts opinion on this .....
PegNosePete Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 You are her toy dude. She is messed up. You need to stop being her "friend". Stop talking to her and socializing with her. Move on.
LifeIsGreat Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 I have to ask... are you a glutton for punishment??? With all due respect, you are not acting like a man. A real woman wants a real man. Letting her go means let her go. It's painfully obvious that you are too emotionally attached to be her friend. You are ALLOWING her to torture you, and that is not healthy. Step up, be a man, and let her go.
Author Apoorv Posted January 4, 2011 Author Posted January 4, 2011 Yes i am very much emotionally attached to her thats true ..... reason being she supported me when really needed help and all this without me asking for help .... But what LifeIsGreat is saying is also true that i am not letting her go ..... OK GUYS I PLEDGE AS OF NOW THAT I WILL NOT BE TORTURED ANYMORE ... ok what if she calls or messages about her problems ??? ... what should be my actions then ... bcoz it will be hard for me to be cold as ice to her ........ FYI i had been in a rebound relationship earlier but that was not hard at all although that was my first relationship ... nd i thot they were the hardest to let go .... anyways guys tell me what to do nd i will do it .... bcoz m not liking it at all right now ....
PegNosePete Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 ok what if she calls or messages about her problems ??? ... what should be my actions then ... bcoz it will be hard for me to be cold as ice to her Ignore any messages, don't reply. If she calls, don't answer (do you have caller ID?). If you do answer by mistake, tell her you don't want to talk to her any more. If she keeps calling and messaging and just won't give up, tell her that you don't want to be her friend and don't want to talk to her any more because it is too painful for you. If she still calls, hang up on her without saying anything. Basically she does not exist to you any more.
Author Apoorv Posted January 20, 2011 Author Posted January 20, 2011 Hi guys ... bunch of things i need to ask you guys .... I followed what you said and ignored her messages and her calls ... but as we are in the same office she tracked me down through my friend .... i told her that day that it is not healthy for us to be friends as she is seeing someone else now ..... even after that she sent me msgs and called me which i did not acknowledge ... but eventually i had a talk with her but not for long .... last weekend she met me behind her bfs back .... although i did not do nething .... and then eventually i had a fight with her as she was showing me her attitude ... now i am certain that i will not call her and i think she wont either ........ now the thing is she told me that her present bf does a lot of future planning .... infact thats all they talk about .... and as i asked she also told me that he hasnt even touched her :-) .... although she said that this was a good thing i think otherwise ...... i know she is confused and dont want to be a part of this confusion ..... could anyone tell me what is going on here as i am really curious ..... and am i doing the right thing .....
PegNosePete Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 now i am certain that i will not call her and i think she wont either ........ Yes you're doing the right thing. Who cares about her and him? You're not going to talk to her anyway so what she does is her own business. Move on dude!
PowerOfOne Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 The culture difference makes it... difficult to speculate. Maybe there is someone on the boards a little more wise to the goings on of Indian unions. I think you've played your cards right. Why she's staying in contact when this other guy is giving her what she wants I dunno. Maybe for kicks. You could go down the path of just laying it down in front or her. You do like her, but a wedding is not something you want in the next couple of years. Until you finish your masters. Then it throws it right back in her court. She can choose you and wait. Or she can take the quick route to what she wants and get married to the other guy. Personally i think this girl is tapped and you'd do well to steer clear of her.
Author Apoorv Posted January 20, 2011 Author Posted January 20, 2011 Yeh even i think she is confused to the core ...... Even if she comes back to me ( most unlikely) i will not make the same mistakes ... but what i fear is that she does not again coming crying to me ..... as what i heard about him from her , i think she will eventually get bored of him ... thats why i am even trying to move from this place ... as she knows where i live .... this is hard what i am doing but i will do it for myself ....... and now its not as hard as earlier ..... i think even i need a rebound .... hahahaha .... and what should i do if she comes back i those circumstances .... i will be vulnerable i know that .... although will try .....
PowerOfOne Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 Most dumpees are vunerable to a certain extent for a while. But you can't act on impulse. Especially when your head is still cloudy. Just don't do anything silly like get married! My gut feel is that if you continue to push her away she'll cut her losses and marry the poor sod. I'm sure that's hard to hear but it might be for the best. You sound like a pretty cluey guy. I don't think you'll do anything to rash. It sounds like this girl has made a commitment to getting marrie - not to the guy. That's just going to end in a mess.
Author Apoorv Posted January 27, 2011 Author Posted January 27, 2011 Hi guys .... hopefully this is the last post from my side on this thread ... the current status is that i am pretty much over her ..... i know she is not coming back .... although i have been meeting her quite often ... and spent a few days at her house ... although nothing happened ... the thing is she calls me for dinner nd stuff like that (of which her bf does not know about ) ... we really enjoy each others company ( We are not physically invovled ) ... she also told me why exactly she broke up ... she was afraid that she would force me to marry her before 4 yrs which would not have been good at all .. I believe her .... now the thing i wanted to stay here only for her ... but now since thats not the case i am trying to get transfered from here .... but to an extent she does not want me to leave ...... I still have feelings for her ... although not that strong ... so i care about her and so does she .... She told me about this new bf of hers ... she told me that when she shifted here he was the first person she talked to ..... then they became friends ...... now the thing that bugs me the most is that he had taken a substantial amount from her ( when they were just colleagues ) and did not return it to her until i told her to ask it from him ( while we were in a relationship ) when she was in deep need ... even then i suppose he did not return the full amount ..... he is at a higher position than her and also has much much better contacts ... so i could not understand this action of his ...... and personally i do not believe guys who can ask women for financial help .... and above that dont return on their own .... Relationship wise she has always made the worst choices ( learning from her past ) and is somewhat fooled easily ... Today is last time i am going to meet her face to face ... so will want to tell her not to make a stupid decision at this point of time ...... so wanted some insight on this situation .... Thanks guys for your help.
PowerOfOne Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 Sounds like you got through it and kept your self respect and you can chase your own dream. All the best mate!
Author Apoorv Posted January 27, 2011 Author Posted January 27, 2011 First woman i "LOVED" .... but then i would not bow down before neone .... and about getting over her ... well its not 100 % but yeh much much better than before even after meeting her quite often ... but wanted some insight on her situation as well .... as she is a good person and i don't want her to make any stupid choices ( not that i want her back ).... how should i advise her to test the guy ..... and is my perception of this guy correct ...
TheThinker Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 Apoorv - people can only judge on what you have told us all and everyone can see that there is only one thing for you to do in this case alhough as someone else quite rightly points out there is a bit of a difference with the cultures etc Take on board the advice but it all comes down to the fact that only you can make your final decision on what you do. Whatever it is good luck with everything
Author Apoorv Posted January 28, 2011 Author Posted January 28, 2011 @ALL : Made My Decision : Yesterday met her for the last time ....... Had a great time with her told her this is the last time i am meeting in person as this might jeopardize her current relationship ..... Also i dont call her or text her .... Also kissed her then things got a bit emotional .... Now officially this thread is closed ........ COULD ANY ADMIN CLOSE THIS THREAD OR TELL ME HOW TO....
TheThinker Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 @ALL : Made My Decision : Yesterday met her for the last time ....... Had a great time with her told her this is the last time i am meeting in person as this might jeopardize her current relationship ..... Also i dont call her or text her .... Also kissed her then things got a bit emotional .... Now officially this thread is closed ........ COULD ANY ADMIN CLOSE THIS THREAD OR TELL ME HOW TO.... Apoorv - Can i suggest you dont delete the thread or anything but let it run its course. In a few weeks time or even months you can always revisit to see how you were feeling, are feeling now and it will be a reminder for you of all these things and to stay strong
Author Apoorv Posted February 20, 2011 Author Posted February 20, 2011 Wats upppp guysss !!! .... been almost 2 months since we broke up ..... i told her many times that we should not meet ... but everytime she used to make some issue and fight with me on this ..... but neways few days back she was showing me attitude so i just walked out on her ..... we havent spoken since ... and its good ...... only thing is i dont have many friends around so i get lonely sometimes but thats ok ...... part of me is really glad we broke up as i have to really concentrate at this time .... i think the way i was feeling was only because i got rejected .... since even i had thought of breaking up wid her a few times but then thought just to give it a try ..... she told me she still misses her ex (not me , one before me) ..... this actually makes me happy that we broke up as she would not have loved me totally ...... i may be wrong but i am really worried for her as i dont really think she loves her present bf either as she calls him by the names she used to call her ex which should not be the case in my opinion, and i think this could lead to extra marital affair although she is not this kind of a girl , but whatever..... lets just leave that and hope for the best ..... you guys have been amazing and i agree with you guys that she is more committed to getting married than the guy ,as i found a conversation between them before we broke up ....... but the only thing is i could not figure this girl out totally ..... i mean did she keep a relation with me only for sex or did she really like me ..... for me initially it was only for sex but then she grew on me .... can anyone tell me this .........
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