Author StarryEyes86 Posted December 30, 2010 Author Posted December 30, 2010 It boggles my mind why people say this...it's such an oxymoron...there's nothing "humane" about rejection...the best way to do it is the proverbial bullet to the head...quick, easy, and direct... I think this is more for you...because you seem to be concerned about what he thinks of you after you turn him down... No, I don't care if he thinks I'm a bitch after this. I don't want to damage him emotionally...because that's happened to me and that feeling sucks. I just want him to know that he deserves a great girl and that its not me. I just want to do everything that I can to make sure he doesn't feel like ****. God why do people have to interpret things the wrong way and demonize the other person.
USMCHokie Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 God why do people have to interpret things the wrong way and demonize the other person. Not demonizing you at all. Just exposing you to the truth that rejection sucks, but it's a part of life. Don't try to turn it into something that it isn't just to save face. Yes, blowing sunshine up his ass will make you feel better about rejecting him, but he's still going to be hurt because the bottom line is that you turned him down. It is what it is; he'll get over it.
Author StarryEyes86 Posted December 30, 2010 Author Posted December 30, 2010 Not demonizing you at all. Just exposing you to the truth that rejection sucks, but it's a part of life. Don't try to turn it into something that it isn't just to save face. Yes, blowing sunshine up his ass will make you feel better about rejecting him, but he's still going to be hurt because the bottom line is that you turned him down. It is what it is; he'll get over it. I apologize for jumping the gun and overreacting. Thanks!
zengirl Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 Fine. Then all she needs to do is send him a txt as follows: "Please don't contact me again. I am not interested in seeing you again." Well, she could say it a bit nicer ("Hey, thanks for the date, but I'm not interested in going out again. Good luck on everything in the future" etc). After all, they were set up through her friend. No reason to sound like a cold robot. But I agree in general, with the general idea of fast-and-simple. I never said she was out to get all men, obviously. But if she is having any problem letting this one go, then there has to be an explanation for it. She went on one date. She mentioned she WANTS to let him go but wanted opinions on HOW. I don't take that as her having trouble on the letting him go, but just knowing how to do it in the most socially appropriate way. Totally different thing. Typically women often are hesitant to let go of an unsatisfactory bird in the hand unless they can at least see one in a close-by bush. There's no hint of this in the OP's post. I also disagree that it's typical of most or all women. There are some women like that (and some men BTW), sure, but the OP didn't even suggest the idea of going out with him again and made it clear she didn't plan to. It can sometimes be difficult for a person to dump someone else if they will end up all alone, though. I didn't get any inkling this was an issue with this OP. Why did you? It boggles my mind why people say this...it's such an oxymoron...there's nothing "humane" about rejection...the best way to do it is the proverbial bullet to the head...quick, easy, and direct... I think this is more for you...because you seem to be concerned about what he thinks of you after you turn him down... To a degree, I agree. I've learned that straightforward is best --- I still try to be nice and gracious about it --- but it's going to hurt. Just like I'd be hurt if it were otherwise, but a quick, straightforward, and gracious response would be the best possible let down. I say, Don't criticize, but make it clear that (a) Date #2 will never happen, and (b) He's just not your cuppa. Also, leave no room for discussion. If he persists, then say things like, "Please don't contact me," but not before. Most people will take the rejection, and there's no reason to add humiliation on top of it.
Star Gazer Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 If you were attracted to him physically, then you would never feel "smothered" by all the attention he's giving you. Instead, you'd probably be welcoming it. Disagree. This guy was over the top and contacting her way too much. I think it would make most women feel smothered and turned off as a result.
Distant78 Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 Many women, perhaps including the OP, just can't seem to leave one relationship until they have their sights on the next one, or are actually starting to date the second guy already. He has to be the a-hole because it can never be the woman's fault, surely you understand that? She doesn't really like him, he's not good enough for her, but she hasn't found the next guy yet, so she needs to figure out the right way to string him along until she can find a suitable replacement. Agreed 100%. Least someone agrees. That's exactly how a lot of women act. When they find Mr.Hotbodybigdyck then they'll drop their current boyfriend in the most mean way. She's stringing this poor guy along. The grass isn't greener on the other side.
Author StarryEyes86 Posted December 31, 2010 Author Posted December 31, 2010 Agreed 100%. Least someone agrees. That's exactly how a lot of women act. When they find Mr.Hotbodybigdyck then they'll drop their current boyfriend in the most mean way. She's stringing this poor guy along. The grass isn't greener on the other side. Are you kidding me? 1. We went on ONE date. 2. He's not my boyfriend. I wasn't attracted to him...nothing wrong with that. You don't even know what this guy freakin' looks like or what kind of guy I'm even attracted to and you're making stupid, asinine theories! 3. I am not stringing him along. I already called him and talked to him and he was very kind and understanding. So it's done and over and I ended it before anything began. 4. Just FYI, I'm not attracted to what you eloquently put as "Mr.Hotbodybigdyck". 5. I'm happily single with no guy on any back burner. I would never do that to any person bc it's cruel. I don't understand where you guys are getting these theories and ideas from...but I do wonder about your reading comprehension and psychological state when it comes to women and you seem to have a lot of insecurities to work out within yourselves.
Author StarryEyes86 Posted December 31, 2010 Author Posted December 31, 2010 Well, she could say it a bit nicer ("Hey, thanks for the date, but I'm not interested in going out again. Good luck on everything in the future" etc). After all, they were set up through her friend. No reason to sound like a cold robot. But I agree in general, with the general idea of fast-and-simple. She went on one date. She mentioned she WANTS to let him go but wanted opinions on HOW. I don't take that as her having trouble on the letting him go, but just knowing how to do it in the most socially appropriate way. Totally different thing. There's no hint of this in the OP's post. I also disagree that it's typical of most or all women. There are some women like that (and some men BTW), sure, but the OP didn't even suggest the idea of going out with him again and made it clear she didn't plan to. I didn't get any inkling this was an issue with this OP. Why did you? To a degree, I agree. I've learned that straightforward is best --- I still try to be nice and gracious about it --- but it's going to hurt. Just like I'd be hurt if it were otherwise, but a quick, straightforward, and gracious response would be the best possible let down. I say, Don't criticize, but make it clear that (a) Date #2 will never happen, and (b) He's just not your cuppa. Also, leave no room for discussion. If he persists, then say things like, "Please don't contact me," but not before. Most people will take the rejection, and there's no reason to add humiliation on top of it. Thanks zengirl! I called him and talked to him and he ended up being very gracious and understanding. He even said, "Yeah I could feel that you were hesitant with me." So it's all good. It worked out better than I thought
Distant78 Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 Are you kidding me? 1. We went on ONE date. 2. He's not my boyfriend. I wasn't attracted to him...nothing wrong with that. You don't even know what this guy freakin' looks like or what kind of guy I'm even attracted to and you're making stupid, asinine theories! 3. I am not stringing him along. I already called him and talked to him and he was very kind and understanding. So it's done and over and I ended it before anything began. 4. Just FYI, I'm not attracted to what you eloquently put as "Mr.Hotbodybigdyck". 5. I'm happily single with no guy on any back burner. I would never do that to any person bc it's cruel. I don't understand where you guys are getting these theories and ideas from...but I do wonder about your reading comprehension and psychological state when it comes to women and you seem to have a lot of insecurities to work out within yourselves. Then why string him along? If you weren't attracted to him, why go out with him in the first place? Good that it's over now.
Star Gazer Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 Then why string him along? If you weren't attracted to him, why go out with him in the first place? String along? It was ONE date! And it was a BLIND DATE for crying out loud! She'd seen his pictures and thought he looked nice; it wasn't until they met that she realized she wasn't attracted to him. Sheesh.
Distant78 Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 String along? It was ONE date! And it was a BLIND DATE for crying out loud! She'd seen his pictures and thought he looked nice; it wasn't until they met that she realized she wasn't attracted to him. Sheesh. But she said she never liked his looks to begin with. I'm not trying to be mean, just blunt. It's just mighty humorous that every guy these women portray on here are losers and creeps, when they don't bother to look at what they did was wrong.
Cracker Jack Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 I think she said she somewhat liked the pictures. Anyway, you can't get on her for going on the date. It was most likely just to see how things went. It didn't work out, and now they're going their seperate ways. Not an issue.
Distant78 Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 But she never liked his looks though. Oh well, lost cause anyway. Hope the guy find someone who likes him and doesn't play around.
Author StarryEyes86 Posted December 31, 2010 Author Posted December 31, 2010 Then why string him along? If you weren't attracted to him, why go out with him in the first place? Good that it's over now. I don't know why I'm even entertaining this...call me crazy but I usually go out on a date with a guy and get to know him before figuring out if I'm *really* attracted to him. It wasn't like I decided that I wasn't attracted to him BEFORE the date and then went out with him anyway. He looked nice in his photos. Isn't that what dating is all about? I dunno...figuring out chemistry and stuff? It's one thing to chat a few times online and then its another to actually meet in person. For God's sake it was ONE date and I realized I wasn't into him...is that such a crime. But she said she never liked his looks to begin with. I'm not trying to be mean, just blunt. It's just mighty humorous that every guy these women portray on here are losers and creeps, when they don't bother to look at what they did was wrong. No. I said he looked okay in his pics! I never said that I didn't like his looks to begin with. I don't know where you're getting your evidence from but once again, you're way off.
Distant78 Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 I don't know why I'm even entertaining this...call me crazy but I usually go out on a date with a guy and get to know him before figuring out if I'm *really* attracted to him. It wasn't like I decided that I wasn't attracted to him BEFORE the date and then went out with him anyway. He looked nice in his photos. Isn't that what dating is all about? I dunno...figuring out chemistry and stuff? It's one thing to chat a few times online and then its another to actually meet in person. For God's sake it was ONE date and I realized I wasn't into him...is that such a crime. Didn't say it was a crime. No. I said he looked okay in his pics! I never said that I didn't like his looks to begin with. I don't know where you're getting your evidence from but once again, you're way off. It's okay. I rest my case....For now.
zengirl Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 Thanks zengirl! I called him and talked to him and he ended up being very gracious and understanding. He even said, "Yeah I could feel that you were hesitant with me." So it's all good. It worked out better than I thought But don't you want to date him for awhile, steal all his money, refuse to have sex with him, and string him along, only to cheat on him with . . . what was it? Mr.hotbodybigdick? Seriously, it sounds like he was a decent guy. Let's hope he and you both have better first dates (with others) next time. It happens. Not every date can be magical.
Author StarryEyes86 Posted December 31, 2010 Author Posted December 31, 2010 But don't you want to date him for awhile, steal all his money, refuse to have sex with him, and string him along, only to cheat on him with . . . what was it? Mr.hotbodybigdick? Seriously, it sounds like he was a decent guy. Let's hope he and you both have better first dates (with others) next time. It happens. Not every date can be magical. Oh yeah I tooootaaaally should've thought of that before I let him down...you toooootaaaaally cracked my secret evil plan to punish all guys who are not Mr.hotbodybigdick. Bwahahahahaha All joking aside, thanks so much for your understanding.
that girl Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 Disagree. This guy was over the top and contacting her way too much. I think it would make most women feel smothered and turned off as a result. I'm with Hokie. If a person feels a strong sexual attraction towards you, it is generally pretty hard to screw it up. It think there is this assumption out there that women should date men because they are nice. I consider niceness a requirement for any kind of dating, but I also have to be physically attracted to him. That doesn't mean he has to be smoking hot, I've been attracted to some unconventional looking men, but there is something chemical about this. I think as a society we need to admit that women care about looks and that doesn't make them shallow. The guy StarryEyes isn't attracted to could be someone I or Zen Girl would immediately think is cute, people have different tastes. Although some people can be too physically picky, just because someone is nice doesn't mean you must be attracted to them. And guys have to realize there is no magic formula for getting chicks, no one is everyone's type.
Star Gazer Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 I'm with Hokie. If a person feels a strong sexual attraction towards you, it is generally pretty hard to screw it up. The irony in this statement isn't lost on me. But you don't know what I'm referring to... A guy you're attracted to most definitely can screw it up. He can.
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