icedude Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 Sorry to take up your time, but I just needed a space to brainstorm and rant. I had written a much longer winded post, but then I realized that this is what I have been wondering, and this is what I need to know. So... SHE LOVES ME -She says she loves me -She texts me every day (we go to college in separate states) -She texts me suggestively (pictures have been involved as well) -We cuddle all the time, I visited her and we spooned... all weekend -We kissed and she seemed to enjoy it -She called told me she wants to spend the rest of her life with me (Drunk...) -She cuddles with me in public and we have a lot of physical contact (holding hands, arms around eachother, etc.) SHE LOVES ME NOT - She has known that I have loved her for several years and never done anything about it until the end of last summer -*She ignored me at a part and was mostly just hanging with her girlfriends (I have no idea what this even means, if someone could try to help me with why she would do this if she loved me, that'd be great! She just didn't really have much to do with me, but I guess there was drama going on...) -She has lots of guy friends in college -*She doesn't really MAKE time for me, like I make time for her. (ie: The day before I went back to college she was doing something with her other friends.) Ok well that's all for now... if you need any clarifications please let me know. I guess I am mostly concerned about the * posts... I don't know. If anybody can shed any light on any of these things, please do. I have been stressing over this all day, and my sleep has suffered due to it. So I just needed to get this off my chest. I know I should be asking her if she "loveS" me instead, but I'm just too stressed right now (and she's busy). Btw how do you go about asking someone if they "love you" as more than a friend?? hmmm/. Thanks!
fishtaco Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 You have loved her for several years but you are not in an exclusive relationship with her? Umm.. that's bad. Talk about noob mistakes. You DO NOT fall in love with anyone that you are not in an exclusive relationship with. Period. Break that rule, and you are putting yourself in a very precarious situation, as you have. Anyway, you're her platonic substitute boyfriend. She comes to you when she needs attention/ego boost/emotional support. She gives you the "SHE LOVES YOU" messages because she has use for you. That's the carrot she's dangling in front of your face. If she didn't do that, would you even hang around her? Exactly. Since you're in so deep already (love.... really?), might as well give it all. Ask her to be your girlfriend. Most likely she'll say you're wonderful and she loves and treasures you, but only as a friend. Then I would cut your losses and move on to other women. As in plural. When you date, you want to date as many as possible. Because a lot of them will play games, fake you out, lead you on, then drop off. See which ones make it through the gauntlet, and pick the one you like the best. In the unlikely situation that she says "yes, I've been waiting for you to ask me to be your girlfriend", then 1) congratulations, 2) next time you're in this situation, be confident, be the man and take charge, ask sooner. Anyway, my take. Use your own common sense.
Author icedude Posted December 30, 2010 Author Posted December 30, 2010 You have loved her for several years but you are not in an exclusive relationship with her? Umm.. that's bad. Talk about noob mistakes. You DO NOT fall in love with anyone that you are not in an exclusive relationship with. Period. Break that rule, and you are putting yourself in a very precarious situation, as you have. Yeah, ok, that was poorly worded. It would be more accurate to say that we have been good friends for a couple years and I have been interested in seeing her as more on and off throughout that period of time. But you're probably right about the noob mistake bit, cause I am a noob and I make mistakes. Anyway, the rest of your post is pretty much spot on what I was expecting. Deep down I know the truth I guess. The truth just sucks.
Stonewall Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 You have loved her for several years but you are not in an exclusive relationship with her? Umm.. that's bad. Talk about noob mistakes. You DO NOT fall in love with anyone that you are not in an exclusive relationship with. Period. Break that rule, and you are putting yourself in a very precarious situation, as you have. Anyway, you're her platonic substitute boyfriend. She comes to you when she needs attention/ego boost/emotional support. She gives you the "SHE LOVES YOU" messages because she has use for you. That's the carrot she's dangling in front of your face. If she didn't do that, would you even hang around her? Exactly. Since you're in so deep already (love.... really?), might as well give it all. Ask her to be your girlfriend. Most likely she'll say you're wonderful and she loves and treasures you, but only as a friend. Then I would cut your losses and move on to other women. As in plural. When you date, you want to date as many as possible. Because a lot of them will play games, fake you out, lead you on, then drop off. See which ones make it through the gauntlet, and pick the one you like the best. In the unlikely situation that she says "yes, I've been waiting for you to ask me to be your girlfriend", then 1) congratulations, 2) next time you're in this situation, be confident, be the man and take charge, ask sooner. Anyway, my take. Use your own common sense. Good call on the falling in love with a person you're not in an exclusive relationship with. I made that mistake and it is heart breaking. I'm still dating that girl, and it's a very hard pill to swallow....
that girl Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 Have you even asked this girl out? It seems like you know her well and she is aware of your feelings. That means you can flat out ask her if she wants to be in a relationship with you. She might freak out for a second if it is abrupt, but if she knows you she is either interested or not.
fishtaco Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 But you're probably right about the noob mistake bit, cause I am a noob and I make mistakes. Anyway, the rest of your post is pretty much spot on what I was expecting. Deep down I know the truth I guess. The truth just sucks. Sorry bro if I came off harsh. It's okay to be a noob and make mistakes, as long as you're working toward a point where you won't be a noob anymore, and you stop making noob mistakes... there will be plenty of other mistakes to make, trust me, this relationship stuff is complicated, but at least you can scratch off the noob mistakes. Anyway, just bite the bullet and do it. You'll feel hurt, you'll feel disappointed, but this negativity you feel will serve as an excellent reminder not to be a noob next time. Go get some more experience under your belt, doesn't matter good or bad, and suddenly, you're no longer a noob. There are people on LS that disagree with a lot of the things I say, but one thing no one can argue against, is that experience will help you make better decisions. If you want big muscles, you have to go to the gym and work out. And you'll feel pain from soreness, and from injuries. But that's the only way. This is the same thing. Do it now and get it over with, or do it later and you'll still be faced with the same river to swim across, except you'll be older.
Author icedude Posted December 30, 2010 Author Posted December 30, 2010 Sorry bro if I came off harsh. It's okay to be a noob and make mistakes, as long as you're working toward a point where you won't be a noob anymore, and you stop making noob mistakes... there will be plenty of other mistakes to make, trust me, this relationship stuff is complicated, but at least you can scratch off the noob mistakes. Anyway, just bite the bullet and do it. You'll feel hurt, you'll feel disappointed, but this negativity you feel will serve as an excellent reminder not to be a noob next time. Go get some more experience under your belt, doesn't matter good or bad, and suddenly, you're no longer a noob. There are people on LS that disagree with a lot of the things I say, but one thing no one can argue against, is that experience will help you make better decisions. If you want big muscles, you have to go to the gym and work out. And you'll feel pain from soreness, and from injuries. But that's the only way. This is the same thing. Do it now and get it over with, or do it later and you'll still be faced with the same river to swim across, except you'll be older. No worries, thanks for the advice! I just needed to hear it said to me... The frustrating thing is that I had completely gotten over her until she called me crying a couple times because she missed me and blahblahblah. She made me all twisted up and confused!! But thanks guys, I will do what must be done.
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