krymej Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 Hello all boxing day my girlfriend of 6 months broke it off with me, we spent christmas together and shared gifts, i noticed she was not her usual self she was kind of cold and distant and wasn't really showing me much affection. when i left her house we kissed and hugged and she was really holding me tightly which was odd due to her lack of affection the past day or so... after getting home she sent me a text asking if i got back safely. in my reply i asked if everything was ok and she sent me a text back saying due to the self improvement classes we have been doing together she thinks it would be better we remain good friends for now. i was gutted by this message and called her she was crying down the phone saying she loved me etc and that she said this doesn't mean we wont ever have a future she is just really confused. she then text afterwards saying she wants this to end on good terms. we have always been very close and we swear we are soul mates as we connect so much on deep levels. we have both been in love before but this was something very very special, we spoke about our dreams for the future and we both share the same spiritual values which is very rare to find... ie no sex before marriage. after agreeing to her wishes of being good friends as really would hate to throw our relationship away and i want her in my life... i have gone no contact.... after 2 days she texts me quite late asking how i am and was just making small talk. i am keeping my cool i am hurt and dying inside but i am just being mature not begging her back ect and respecting her wishes as i love her so so much...... i just wish she would come back... maybe by setting her free she may realise what we had.. i dunno i cant believe how much i took all this for granted talk about the mother of all lessons i was sad this was done by text and not face to face but she was in bits on the phone so maybe she wouldnt have been able to contain herself properly in person? is there anyone that could shed some wisdom on this situation? many thanks for listening Krymej
homebrew Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 Sure... Get a hammer and hit yourself really, really hard in the head... Once you come back too, that pain you are feeling... Is going to hurt a heck of a lot less than you are going to experience on a daily basis being friends with your EX. My real advice... Spend some time reading the threads on LS... There is a lot of good info in this forum, the Second Chance and the Coping forum about being friends with an EX. Let me tell you... It isn't a pretty picture and it is pure HE!!. For the Record... NOBODY THAT HAS EVER WALKED ON THE FACE OF THE PLANET HAS GOTTEN AN EX BACK BY BEING THEIR FRIEND, EVER! Hope that helps!
Karma20 Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 You can't be friends with her right now. You want more and she doesn't. Being friends will only hurt you more. You need to cut contact to heal yourself and also so she can figure herself out.
Author krymej Posted December 30, 2010 Author Posted December 30, 2010 Hey thank you both for you replies. yeah i cant be friends with her i need some time to move on emotionally and find closure. i have been through splits before so i am handling this one very well compared to the last two.... i am just not trying to make all the same mistakes as last time. and loving someone is not about holding them close its about letting them go as much as i wish for a future with her she needs to go and sort out whatever it is she needs to sort out. im not contacting her and i am leaving her alone she is contacting me i am just being polite and mature and just giving her short responses and just being positive really. i have to see her on a weekly bases due to the classes we both go to but i am not giving up the things i enjoy just because of this.. i even have a job interview which is in her city and i am still going to go to that as that will make me more financially secure and get me out of where i am now. although this is a very very slim chance you never know she may miss what she had with me but i have to withdraw for her to ever realise this if she ever does hovering around like a lapdog then she will just use me as an emotional armrest. which is not cool and i wont allow it. like the old saying goes Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
PowerOfOne Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 You're doing great! It sounds like she still thinks she can have her fix of you whenever she likes though. If you really want to get her thinking about what she wants you're going to have to disappear (aside from your class). Never forget that she made the choice not to have you in her life in that fashion. If you want more then friendship you're going to have to show her the consequences of that choice.
Author krymej Posted December 30, 2010 Author Posted December 30, 2010 Hey PowerOfOne thank you for your reply. yeah i know what you mean it was only one evening in the 3 days of no contact so far that she text me... im not sure if ignoring her texts is a wise thing to do...or maybe it is! i am not sure on that one. and why would she want to contact me?! yeah i am withdrawing hence the no contact on my end and she needs to feel the loss of me in her life now.
TheGrimSweeper Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 Hey PowerOfOne thank you for your reply. yeah i know what you mean it was only one evening in the 3 days of no contact so far that she text me... im not sure if ignoring her texts is a wise thing to do...or maybe it is! i am not sure on that one. and why would she want to contact me?! yeah i am withdrawing hence the no contact on my end and she needs to feel the loss of me in her life now. Its kind of a toss up between ignoring and not ignoring. I dont think you should totally ignore them but just keep it very short and sweet. A couple messages back and forth max. Dont ask anything about her, how shes doing or anything like that and never initiate contact on your behalf.
Author krymej Posted December 30, 2010 Author Posted December 30, 2010 Its kind of a toss up between ignoring and not ignoring. I dont think you should totally ignore them but just keep it very short and sweet. A couple messages back and forth max. Dont ask anything about her, how shes doing or anything like that and never initiate contact on your behalf. thanks theGrimsweeper i dont want to ignore her completely as i don't want to be a complete jerk, but i am keeping the replies short and sweet like you advise and i am in never no rush to reply to her either! i am just trying to be cool and focused you know? im just sort of keeping busy and focusing on myself. i just don't know her motives for texting me in the first place if i didn't want someone in my life i wouldn't try and contact them and if i didn't care about someone i certainly wouldn't ask how they where.. and if i didn't want to see someone again i wouldn't ask if i would see them again. she was asking if i was still going to be attending the classes.
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