dng Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 Hi Folks, I went to a party last night and I did not have a good time. I knew all the hosts, it's an appartment with 4 room mates, including a married couple. I had flings with the two other women living there since my break up thing in june. One has moved on to date the brother of the other one and so she really gave me the cold shoulder, and her boyfriend just tried to not stare at me too much. The other one I think I could have liked but ever since the other thing, she's also giving me the cold shoulder. Bahhhhhhh. I have a 2nd date tonight with some other chick but I don't even know if I like her because I went to the first date completely wasted. I can really keep it together so I dont think she noticed, or if she noticed she doesn't give a ****. So at that party was a guy who's friends with my ex. They don't see each other often, he's more part of a crew that's she's also a part of. He was nice and careful, I know he's a discrete guy, up to a point I suppose. He was asking me if I was doing better, what happened. I told him a short story from my point of view. I didnt question him too hard. He didn't seem to know that much and what he knew, seemed like he heard from friends of friends. He did tell him she didn't leave me for anyone but she's herself a very discrete person usually, so. What stung me is that he's kinda validated everything I've been doing since october to try and protect myself from her. The guy seems to have experience with relationships and he was able to describe alot of my own feelings while generally talking about the situation. He actually put in words that she lied to keep me on the back burner while figuring out her options. He told me that she left on an impulse and it wasn't planned. He seemed really shocked when I told him everything she did to get back together. That stung me because it means she's out there pretending everything is fine and she doesn't care. The darkness inside me has been feeding on this and growing, up to a point where now I only seek solace and connections with people in which I can also see that same darkness and coldness. Now, its been 6 months this week. 6 months I've been dealing with this situation, missing her. Feeling alone in the crowd. I really cleaned up my appearance. I look like a young college guy again and its a total deception to what I'm actually becoming. Even my friends are mocking it and telling me to bring the scruffy sexy me back. I feel like I'm in a tailspin, seriously. Everything I do feels wrong and meaningless but somehow I can still use self deprecating humor about it. I'm not even sure I want to get better anymore. I just feel like getting wasted, getting in and out of weird situations, and run forward and whatever happens happen. I don't have any plans anymore.
january2010 Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 A link to your latest thread Meeting the ex after over 6 months?
Author dng Posted January 5, 2011 Author Posted January 5, 2011 Oh the irony. Same patterns as always. She texted missed her bus cause she was sleeping. Then said 7, then 8, now 9h30. She just texted she's a the bus station and wants to make sure I'll come fetch her... At midnight, on a week night. Oh yes ladies and gentlemen, that's how it goes when you break NC.
Author dng Posted January 5, 2011 Author Posted January 5, 2011 So I said "You love me so much because we complement each other's shortcomings. Whereas you're not reliable, I am". She called from home 30 minutes later, crying, and told me why do you string me along like that? I hung up on her. Pure NC from now on. But wow.
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