soozie86 Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 I was just wondering do other people think romantic comedy films can have a negative effect on relationships. As they give a false image of what dating and relationships are really like. Don't get me wrong I love rom coms but today when I went and saw the film "love and other drugs" with my bf. I came out the cinema feeling quite romantic and soppy but clearly for my bf the film had not had the same effect. This then caused me to feel angry at him for not being like the guy in the movie. My bf is romantic and affectionate in his own way and I love him to bits but I was comparing him to the guy in the film. When I've thought about it later I understand I've been a bit stupid but then it got me thinking these rom com films only ever show the best bits of relationships. They make normal guys in the real world look boring and uncaring when they are not being romantic. Therefore this could have a negative effect on a relationship. What does everybody else think?
january2010 Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 (edited) it got me thinking these rom com films only ever show the best bits of relationships. They make normal guys in the real world look boring and uncaring when they are not being romantic. Therefore this could have a negative effect on a relationship. It could be argued thus. I see life lessons in some films and even some rom-coms but thought-provoking as some films are, most are still mainly about entertainment and making money. As you realised, it's unrealistic to expect your boyfriend to live up to the behaviour of Jake Gyllenhaal's character. Edited December 29, 2010 by january2010
runner Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 films are films and you take away from them what you will. great movies suck you into the moment and often times (for myself anyways), i need a moment to bring myself back to reality- sometimes even up to a few hours when i allow myself to remain in that fantasy world. don't blame your bf for being real.
Negative Nancy Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 This then caused me to feel angry at him for not being like the guy in the movie. My bf is romantic and affectionate in his own way and I love him to bits but I was comparing him to the guy in the film. This is how guys feel when they watch porn and wish their gf would act like the pornstar, so don't worry. Guys do it too and you have every right to expect him to be more like the sap in the movie if he expects you to act out some porn star moves. I don't care about romantic comedies and my boyfriend is romantic in his own ways, so I'm happy.
TG4MJ Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 Well my opinion on hollywood rom coms are mixed. They are pretty helpful in buttering up a girls bread, but otherwise pretty hyped up and totally inaccurate. When I was a kid and rather impressionable, I fell for the hollywood hype. I believed the nerd could get the hotty and that it would be a goofy adventure with a happy ending. I believed that if a girl was torn between some arrogant jerk off and some kind of dorky quiet guy she'd end up cutting the jerk down to size somehow and run off with the dork. I believed that being sweet and sincere and keeping it real would automatically win a woman's heart over. Looking back, this totally warped my view on dating in general, and till this day I still have difficulties in accepting the lousy realities of dating and rejection. I long for a movie which is a little more closer to reality. I wanna see a movie where heartache turns a good hearted, quiet guy into a f***ing monster whose means of dealing with the pain include profuse drinking and drug use and acts of rage against both inanimate objects as well as people unlucky enough to be in the vicinity at the time of his suffering. I wanna see a movie where a good guy likes a girl who not only ends up choosing a jerk off over him, but where the good guy is relentlessly laughed at for it by both the girl, the jerk, and other people around him until it pushes him to the breaking point. Alas, everyone knows that Hollywood is more about attracting an audience than keeping it real, so one can only wish..........
ecm Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 When I was 19, I actually broke up with my boyfriend after we left a movie for the idea you talk about in your post. Then, I realized I was an a-hole. Luckily, he wasn't an a-hole and we ended up being together for about 6 years. That's not reality. Sometimes, the reality is BETTER than what the movies show, you know? it might not be all sparkly and fun all of the time, but really-to me the best part of being in a relationship isn't the fancy dates, it's being home, hanging out, doing nothing, etc. I already wanted to see that movie. I'm going to need to go tomorrow now.
homebrew Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 Romantic Comedies aren't real life stories? Wow... I had no idea! Next thing you are going to tell me is that Wrestling is fake too... Right?
that girl Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 I see what you're getting at, but I've always looked at romantic comedies are overblown versions of the best moments. If you've never had a wow moment with someone, something is off. But they can't all be wow moments. I wanna see a movie where heartache turns a good hearted, quiet guy into a f***ing monster whose means of dealing with the pain include profuse drinking and drug use and acts of rage against both inanimate objects as well as people unlucky enough to be in the vicinity at the time of his suffering. I wanna see a movie where a good guy likes a girl who not only ends up choosing a jerk off over him, but where the good guy is relentlessly laughed at for it by both the girl, the jerk, and other people around him until it pushes him to the breaking point. Alas, everyone knows that Hollywood is more about attracting an audience than keeping it real, so one can only wish.......... Good guys don't fly into crazy rages because they don't get what they want. Manipulative guys who expect a woman to fall at their feet for being good guys fly into rages when they don't get their way. I've always considered being a good guy to be the bare minimium. You have to be a good guy for me to even consider you. After that comes sexual attraction, common interests, getting along well. A good guy is what I expect, not some unicorn like creature I will faint upon meeting.
catgotyourtongue Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 hey this is the second post tonight in where I totally agree with you and see it same way, and I tell people the exact same thing. At a minimum I expect a good guy, decent, guy. I am a good, decent girl, so that's baseline...no question. I don't expect a great guy just because, but I will always choose at least a decent guy based on what I want and have to offer and share. Let the players, play, the dreamers dream, and the realists, be real. For real, lol. Love the unicorn comment, it made me lol...for real I see what you're getting at, but I've always looked at romantic comedies are overblown versions of the best moments. If you've never had a wow moment with someone, something is off. But they can't all be wow moments. Good guys don't fly into crazy rages because they don't get what they want. Manipulative guys who expect a woman to fall at their feet for being good guys fly into rages when they don't get their way. I've always considered being a good guy to be the bare minimium. You have to be a good guy for me to even consider you. After that comes sexual attraction, common interests, getting along well. A good guy is what I expect, not some unicorn like creature I will faint upon meeting.
musemaj11 Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 (edited) And men are also angry that women in real life arent like women in porn movies. Ill be honest, Im a guy who loves chick flicks. No joke. I dont tell this to anyone in real life. But Im not so stupid to believe that such movies are merely exaggerated fantasies. Maybe its because Im a guy and Im more logical. I dont know. I think its just sad that many women are going nuts in their minds because they cant get over the fact that their lives arent like in romantic novels. If you are a teenage girl then thats okay, but if you are 25 like Soozie or over then as I said, sad. It makes me feel that due to their inability to judge between fantasy and reality, romantic movies and novels should be barred from at least young women because they obviously distort their views of reality, akin to violent movies for boys. By the way, I just watched 'Carolina' on Netflix today. Nice romantic comedy. Edited December 30, 2010 by musemaj11
catgotyourtongue Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 Cant say I have met many woman whose lives are like the movies, nor do they think it will be. Most of us are too jaded or too experienced to fall into this, but it is an escape and nice for a lot of people to think abt, something light and good for a change. Many people also like animated movies, kids movies, (I personally do not) and these people know that Toy Story is not real, but they, men and women, like to have an escape and happy place to go. DO they expect their stuffed animals or toys or work supplies to jump off the shelf and starting singing and tap dancing, nope, its fantasy, and fun and nice to think abt for a while i presume...just as rom coms to some....if you get my point. We can hope for more...in life, does not mean we think it will necessarily happen, but we dream. Well some women, me, to speak of, don't like rom coms or rather rarely if ever go see them. I rarely watch anything like that because I don't think it's real, believable, and I don't really think that way. But thats just me. Same reason i think most sit coms suck. This site is perfect example of a lot of people who have not had the fantasy life and have been hit with real life, hard drama and dating issues. So, there are some women, and men, that do see these films and believe and hope for something better, no sense in knocking them....hope is great. I watch dark, messy stuff, it sits well with me, lol. I am one who unfortunately does not live in clouds, and wish I could at least now and then. I think it's cool if people can escape into something light for a few hours, as I do dark films. I don't live there, but I visit there. Yes some people want fairytale ending, why not..I wish them luck. We all know that some men are di_ ks and some women are beeyyotches, and everything in between, but I worry that this site often gets stuck in the us against them crap, and that all women, or all men are sh*hds. CAN we please find some gray here??? I think many men I have met and dated are wonderful, some have been jerks and some have been in between. I don't take one brush and paint them all the same, that's silly, and immature. I can say I don't trust many men, but thats about me, not them, so let's not hate on people for wanting something nicer and healthier than what we see in real life everyday, which can be brutal and daunting...right? peace out kumbaya, lol and let's all hold hands, then scratch eachothers eyes out, lol And men are also angry that women in real life arent like women in porn movies. Ill be honest, Im a guy who loves chick flicks. No joke. I dont tell this to anyone in real life. But Im not so stupid to believe that such movies are merely exaggerated fantasies. Maybe its because Im a guy and Im more logical. I dont know. I think its just sad that many women are going nuts in their minds because they cant get over the fact that their lives arent like in romantic novels. If you are a teenage girl then thats okay, but if you are 25 like Soozie or over then ,,, By the way, I just watched 'Carolina' on Netflix today. Nice romantic comedy.
Els Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 When ANYone bases RL expectations on fictional media, there is a problem with them, not the media. This applies to porn, romantic movies, career movies (seriously, you wouldn't believe how many first-year med students are deluded that they'll all end up like House MD)... anything at all.
pookster72 Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 if a movie is geared to a female audience, men are going to act like that in the movie...they're all going to have lots of money and say that everything is their fault.
musemaj11 Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 When ANYone bases RL expectations on fictional media, there is a problem with them, not the media. This applies to porn, romantic movies, career movies (seriously, you wouldn't believe how many first-year med students are deluded that they'll all end up like House MD)... anything at all. I have to disagree. The media are a powerful brainwashing tool. I was exaggerating of course about banning anything. But no one can deny that people will start going to work naked if the media start telling them that going to work naked is the hip thing to do.
Author soozie86 Posted December 30, 2010 Author Posted December 30, 2010 I think its just sad that many women are going nuts in their minds because they cant get over the fact that their lives arent like in romantic novels. If you are a teenage girl then thats okay, but if you are 25 like Soozie or over then as I said, sad. It makes me feel that due to their inability to judge between fantasy and reality, romantic movies and novels should be barred from at least young women because they obviously distort their views of reality, akin to violent movies for boys. I think it may be a bit harsh to bar romantic films and books to young women lol but I do see what you mean. I think I was more effected by rom coms at the start of my relationship I was inexperienced and most of what I knew about relationships came from films or books, you think how people act in these things is normal in dating.
fishtaco Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 When ANYone bases RL expectations on fictional media, there is a problem with them, not the media. This applies to porn, romantic movies, career movies (seriously, you wouldn't believe how many first-year med students are deluded that they'll all end up like House MD)... anything at all. Thank you. Fiction is not reality.
Left in a Lurch Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 The thing is if a guy did a fraction of the things you see in movies women would view him as a stalker and socially awkward. The cute gestures wouldnt be seen as sweet and endearing but lame and weird. The guys often hang around being her best friend with feelings for her and she eventually realizes how great he is and falls for him. In real life she gets offended and takes it as he was only pretending to be her friend under false pretenses and drops him as quick as possible. If you are expecting a movie romance you have to accept the reality of how the romantic actions actually come across in real life. Do you really have anyone you consider a good friend that if they told you they loved you, you'd suddenly find them attractive in a romantic way?
TG4MJ Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 Good guys don't fly into crazy rages because they don't get what they want. Manipulative guys who expect a woman to fall at their feet for being good guys fly into rages when they don't get their way. BUAH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA..... AAAAHHHHHH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, AHH HAHA, AHH HAHA, AHHH HAAA HAAAA HAA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AHHHH..... I'm sorry mijita, that statement was just funny right there man, brother actually banged on his wall and told me to STFU because I laughed so hard at that statement since it was not only funny, it was also completely inaccurate. Some of the most grievious beat downs I've ever layed out were on stupid MFers' who thought it would be funny to try me while I was in a state of heartache. You talk to women I've dated in the past and all will attest that A) I was in fact, a good guy and B) I was in no way, shape, or form ever manipulative. I could never make a woman do something she doesn't want to, I mean heck, they didn't want to give me a chance, they didn't want to give me a chance, I never pushed it or tried to get a woman to do something she didn't want to, it's not in my nature. As far as they were all concerned their rejecting me went relatively smoothly, at least on their end. Fact of the matter is, if hollywood is going to, in your words, "over blow the best moments" they should also do the same with the worst moments. It can serve as a wake up call to the younger viewers that pursuing someone isn't always a fairy tale or wacky adventure with a happy ending, as well as point out that no matter how good a person is, NEVER underestimate the effect that being hurt can have on them. The girls who got me in a twist underestimated their effect on me. The jag offs who crossed me while heartbroken, they REALLY underestimated the effect rejection had on me. Needless to say no one really benefits from fairy tales and false advertising dont ya think ?
Yer_Blues Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 Real life isn't good enough for a lot of privileged people. They delude themselves with media garbage, distract themselves with mindless, fantastical movies, they eat themselves to death, they drown themselves in alcohol, they change their bodies with cosmetic surgery, they make up happier afterlives for themselves to reside in when they die. They are always searching for something more, instead of seeing what life is, accepting it, and trying to actually enjoy it without flooding their brains with happy chemicals through simple escape.
SteveC80 Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 Women seem to be allot more impressionable then Men seperating fantasy from reality with these movies, the romantic comedy plus the whole pricne cahrmign thing shoved down their throat since the ywere 5 If youre a teenager and are a little impressionable fine but i know grown women who still buy into these things and its quite frankly sad and pathetic
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