beachgirll2011 Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 Hey everyone! I have been dating a guy for about a month. We spent Xmas eve together and exchanged gifts. He spent Xmas with his son. On the 26th I stayed over and we spent the 27th together and I went home on the 28th when he left for work. We get along terrific. He actually put me on the phone with one of his buddies at work to tell me what a good guy he is lol. And he tells them at work I am his girl. But I am concerned though that he hasn't asked me out for NYE. I never had a guy I was dating during the holidays not ask and this is really upsetting me. He had mentioned when we first started dating that he was going out this NYE no matter what bc for the past few years he has stayed in. So I know he wants to go out. But this week he said he might have his son...I think that is a cop out bc he had him for Xmas and he said he gets him every other weekend. If we don't go out what should I do? Does that mean he is not serious about me? When we first met we really hit it off. He said on the first date that he was supposed to go out with someone else but he was not going to because he really liked me and it has been going really really well since then.
january2010 Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 Either give him a call and ask him if he'd like to get together or make your own plans.
Mad Max Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 You can either ask him out or you can spend NYE alone. Your call.
Lucky555 Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 just ask him, want to do something for NYE. You should get your answer.
zicke Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 Any guy who is into a woman, really into her will absolutely, positively spend NYE eve with her. If you take his bs excuse, well, don't be surprised when Valentine's Day he has his son as well...
AverageJoe Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 Jesus, its only been four weeks! And you are expecting another major holiday with this guy? You got Christmas. What is with the On-Demand attitudes I see from some people?
Titania22 Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 I would like to add I have been seeing my guy a little over a month, but we won't be spending new years together. I don't see why this is a deal breaker. Some people make plans months in advance, and even if he hasn't it's still so early for you to expect things like that.
Ruby Slippers Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 You can either ask him out or you can spend NYE alone. Your call. Or she can do something with friends, which is what I'm doing, and very much looking forward to. But yeah, if he didn't ask you to do something on NYE after dating for a month... doesn't sound too good. Sorry.
NoLongerSad Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 Jesus, its only been four weeks! And you are expecting another major holiday with this guy? You got Christmas. What is with the On-Demand attitudes I see from some people? Yes, isn't it rude of the fellow to be contemplating the possibility of spending the evening with his son?
Author beachgirll2011 Posted December 30, 2010 Author Posted December 30, 2010 I am not concerned about him spending time with his son. I am concerned if he is using his son as an excuse...big difference. Anyway I stayed over last night and I brought up NYE. And yes I have plans if he doesn't go out. I told him I have a real cute dress to go out in and that I hope it's him I get to kiss at midnight I left it at that just real sweet and simple. So I am leaving it up to him from this point. He knows I want to go out with him but he also knows that if he doesn't ask me I will go out with friends. So we will see what happens. I tend to agree with the guy here who said if someone is really into a girl they spend NYE with them....even if that means getting a babysitter for a few hours...sorry but NYE is once a year. I know that dating someone with a child means plans changing all the time because I have been there. But it is a two way street. I was just asking if him not going out with me on NYE would be a dealbreaker for anyone else b/c I feel it is. But I could be wrong. There is no way there is someone else lol We are together all the time and when we are not together he is calling and texting. BUT if he decides to go out with friends instead of me and uses his son as an excuse that would be the end. Anyway, hopefully this goes well Happy NYE!!!!! I'll post when I know what I'm doing
2sure Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 Just a thought. If he and his ex alternate weekends with thier child , thats great. But many times around the holidays this has flex. If say, his ex really wants to go out and he prefers the son with him...he may just keep him this weekend regardless. But yes...just ask. Be straight out and ask what he is doing.
Author beachgirll2011 Posted December 30, 2010 Author Posted December 30, 2010 Well if he has had his son the past few years on NYE and now has a new girl he's dating and his ex INSISTS he take his son AGAIN then I have a wussy on my hands. LOL I can't deal with that. So that means that anytime she wants to change her plans she can and I get the short end of the stick b/c he can't stand up to her? Nope doesn't work for me. Can't wait to see what happens.
joeLove Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 Red flags raised ... he is taking too long to tell you one way or another ... Can you both spend NYE at home with his son, if he can't go out? Would that be a valid option for you?
zengirl Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 Well if he has had his son the past few years on NYE and now has a new girl he's dating and his ex INSISTS he take his son AGAIN then I have a wussy on my hands. LOL I can't deal with that. So that means that anytime she wants to change her plans she can and I get the short end of the stick b/c he can't stand up to her? Nope doesn't work for me. Can't wait to see what happens. I wouldn't see it that way. Look, I couldn't date a single Dad, personally (at this stage in my life, where I'm still young and relatively "fancy free"), but I definitely couldn't date or even respect a single Dad who didn't jump at every chance to see his kid. Why does it have to be him wussing out? Maybe he didn't know he'd get the extra weekend with his son, and he gets the opportunity. Especially after a month in, I don't think you should expect to take priority over the son. So, it's a matter of whether or not you're willing to basically always have second billing --- really, any respectable parent puts their kids first, and this is a Dad who just has weekends, right? So, he probably doesn't get as much time with his kid as he'd like. I see what you meant about the "excuse" above, but not with this. If he really has his kid, then I think it's understandable he not spend NYE out with you.
Ruby Slippers Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 What rubs me the wrong way here is that he didn't state his intentions up front. If he really liked her, I think that by now he would have at least asked what she's doing for NYE and told her something like, "I'd love to go out with you, but my son will be staying with me that night." Any woman should be able to understand that 1 month is too early to be meeting the kids, and I'm sure beachgirl would understand that. But he hasn't let her know that he's even thought about spending the occasion with her or would like to, and I think that's the bad sign.
Author beachgirll2011 Posted December 31, 2010 Author Posted December 31, 2010 I agree...he is being real non-committal...i have not said anything and am waiting for him. I think it is great that he wants to spend time with his child. However, maybe say let's do something during the day or on Sat. The only thing I can think of is he is still trying to see if he will have him or he wants to go out with his friends. However my friends think that since he said he is staying home with his son that I should put together a little snack pack for him and tell him i will drop it off nye before i go out. This way i know if he is telling the truth and is home. I don't like feeling like i am being played and this is really aggravating me. I am unsure if this would be a deal breaker for you guys? I am kind of thinking it is because he seems like he is waiting last minute to make plans and that is what is bothering me. As if he wants to see what else is going on...so either he is unsure if he has his son OR his friends want to go out. If it's his son that would be ok..but i still think that NYE is too important a night to just not make plans with the girl your dating. Whether dating a month or a week. If you like a girl you figure it out. And again i think it's odd he has him for xmas AND nye????? The ex probably wanted to go out so he agreed to take him. He should have told me that to begin with if that was the case. We will find out tomorrow and I will DEF let you guys know!!!! Thanks for all the input!!!!
Author beachgirll2011 Posted December 31, 2010 Author Posted December 31, 2010 I think that he needed to be more upfront and say look i will have my kid on NYE..but he didn't. Instead he kind of beat around the bush with it and I refuse to ask. I told him I have a dress for NYE and would luv to be kissing him at midnite and i left it at that. Something just doesn't seem right...and you hit it right on the head when you said if he really has his kid...that is what bothers me...if he really had his child on NYE he probably would have told me that this past week. Not being wishy washy saying he has to "make sure" he has him. Just doesn't seem right. Dating someone with a kid is rough and i can tell you that you sacrifice a lot of time together when something comes up. I am fine with that but in the same respect if I have to be ok throughout the year with things coming up then once a year on NYE i should be able to say no it's not ok that we don't go out. Just like during the year i would have to be ok with not going out when something comes up. Just my two cents I wouldn't see it that way. Look, I couldn't date a single Dad, personally (at this stage in my life, where I'm still young and relatively "fancy free"), but I definitely couldn't date or even respect a single Dad who didn't jump at every chance to see his kid. Why does it have to be him wussing out? Maybe he didn't know he'd get the extra weekend with his son, and he gets the opportunity. Especially after a month in, I don't think you should expect to take priority over the son. So, it's a matter of whether or not you're willing to basically always have second billing --- really, any respectable parent puts their kids first, and this is a Dad who just has weekends, right? So, he probably doesn't get as much time with his kid as he'd like. I see what you meant about the "excuse" above, but not with this. If he really has his kid, then I think it's understandable he not spend NYE out with you.
Author beachgirll2011 Posted December 31, 2010 Author Posted December 31, 2010 The more posts I read the more I realize this is gonna be a dealbreaker for me. What rubs me the wrong way here is that he didn't state his intentions up front. If he really liked her, I think that by now he would have at least asked what she's doing for NYE and told her something like, "I'd love to go out with you, but my son will be staying with me that night." Any woman should be able to understand that 1 month is too early to be meeting the kids, and I'm sure beachgirl would understand that. But he hasn't let her know that he's even thought about spending the occasion with her or would like to, and I think that's the bad sign.
Author beachgirll2011 Posted December 31, 2010 Author Posted December 31, 2010 It is too soon to meet his son. We are just starting to get comfortable with one another but it is still at that "could go either way" stage. Otherwise that would be fun!!!! Red flags raised ... he is taking too long to tell you one way or another ... Can you both spend NYE at home with his son, if he can't go out? Would that be a valid option for you?
zengirl Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 I think that he needed to be more upfront and say look i will have my kid on NYE..but he didn't. Instead he kind of beat around the bush with it and I refuse to ask. I told him I have a dress for NYE and would luv to be kissing him at midnite and i left it at that. Something just doesn't seem right...and you hit it right on the head when you said if he really has his kid...that is what bothers me...if he really had his child on NYE he probably would have told me that this past week. Not being wishy washy saying he has to "make sure" he has him. Just doesn't seem right. Isn't it possible he might really not know? I mean, divorce schedules can get confusing around the holidays. As a child of divorce, I can attest to that. Sometimes I nobody knew where/when I was going till the last minute, and my mother is uber-organized about most stuff. There are just a lot of factors sometimes. Why don't you think he really has his kid? Is there more to the story? Dating someone with a kid is rough and i can tell you that you sacrifice a lot of time together when something comes up. I am fine with that but in the same respect if I have to be ok throughout the year with things coming up then once a year on NYE i should be able to say no it's not ok that we don't go out. Just like during the year i would have to be ok with not going out when something comes up. Just my two cents Maybe if you had an already very serious established relationship you could say, "Generally, I get it, but NYE is very important to me. Can you work that out?" But after a month? I think that's a lot to ask, personally. I don't think you should be able to say it's not okay at that stage. And I would lose all respect for any man or woman who allowed their very new SO to give them an ultimatum about when they couldn't spend time with their kid. But that's just my two cents, I guess.
Ruby Slippers Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 I don't see the issue as beachgirl trying to edge out the guy's son. I think she just wants to know that this guy likes her as much as she likes him at this point. She wants to spend NYE with him, but, regardless of his plans, he stated no such parallel desire to spend the occasion with her. Even when she told him she would like to ring in the new year with him, he made no move to join her, invite her, include her, or even explain that he would like to see her but would be spending it with his son this year. That's the rub.
Author beachgirll2011 Posted December 31, 2010 Author Posted December 31, 2010 Ok so he calls me this morning to say he doesn't have his son. He didn't make plans and didn't ask what I am doing. I really feel like he wants to go out with friends instead of me since he has been home for the past few NYE's. That would not be good. If a guy your dating doesn't hang out with you on NYE and instead goes out with his buddies would that be rude?
zengirl Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 Ok so he calls me this morning to say he doesn't have his son. He didn't make plans and didn't ask what I am doing. I really feel like he wants to go out with friends instead of me since he has been home for the past few NYE's. That would not be good. If a guy your dating doesn't hang out with you on NYE and instead goes out with his buddies would that be rude? After a month? Eh, maybe. A month-long relationship . . . well, are you exclusive? Are you sleeping together? I'd need so much more information to judge what it really meant. However, if he doesn't have his son, it's pretty normal that it bothers you. I don't understand why you don't just ask him to spend NYE with you outright. What bad comes of it?
Author beachgirll2011 Posted December 31, 2010 Author Posted December 31, 2010 We do stay over each other's place and we really get along well. I told him on Wed that I had a cute dress for NYE and hoped it would be him I would be seeing at midnight. I can't do anything else. He knows from me saying that that i want to spend nye with him. If he was unsure then as the guy he should say..hey i don't have my son so we should do something. If you like someone that much why would you want to spend it with anyone else anyway??? I have a lot of friends and LUV going out on nye however this year i wanted to hang out with him bc i think he is just as fun as my friends. I hate to say this is a dealbreaker but it is 12:30 and he hasn't even called to make plans. This is such a shame. I have never dated a guy like this and I don't think this is working. What a shame
Star Gazer Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 If you've been dating regularly for over a month, why aren't YOU just outright asking HIM? It's not his responsibility to ask you out every single time, ya know. It's obviously a more important holiday to you than to him. He can't read your mind.
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