Broke up with her today

[Owz600]

Today I broke up with most wonderful girl I have dated, we had been together for 3 years, started going out when we was 16 and now 19. It's funny how things change during those years because there's a lot of big decisions career wise and life wise going on.

 

It all changed about 1 year ago, you could realise something was up but couldn't finger it out, 6 months later things became more apparent, we saw each other less and less, once every week or two. I believe this was down to her career choice, she really wants to be air cabin crew and she had a job working in the airport checking passengers in but they was terrible unsocial hours, but she loved the job, she knows exactly what she wants from life and thats to be air cabin crew. I am happy for her, we recently stayed at a hotel where her interview for air cabin crew took place, a week later she found out she got a job.

 

I knew something has been up for months, i would talk about it to friends and many times thought it was time to finish, but I couldn't she is just that special to me. 2 months ago we talked about our relationship and that we wasn't happy, she cried and said she will try harder, nothing changed.

 

For the past 6 months she had made no effort in our relationship, I have been making all the effort. I recently suspected she has started to see another guy. He's cabin crew and fly's from Bristol, which is the exact same job she applied for. They both have a lot in common and are old friends, but there's something there I can tell. She told me a few weeks ago that he called for her and that she went in his car and they chatted for ages. I didn't want to suspect anything but it's hard not too when your going through a rough patch.

 

Since then it's been screwing with my head, I need to get out before it gets worse.

 

I told her I needed to brake up in order for me to find myself again and be happy. We haven't been very happy like we was for a while. It was the hardest thing I have done, you want to say so much but only a few words make there way out. I Cried all the way driving home.

 

She still wants to be friends, she said 'We could catch up in the New Year and see a film' I didn't say anything. I would love to get back with this girl and everything be perfect like it once was but things changed. It's hard to cut ties with your best friend. I already deleted photos of me and her on Facebook and deleted her phone numbers, even though I know them off by heart :/.

All I got left is to delete her as a friend on Facebook, that way I will never hear off her again unless she contacts me. It's hard though because I still want to know how she is doing and talk to her.

 

 

Is NC really the best way to deal with somebody who you miss so much and love and wishes everything would be perfect again?

 

Sorry for the essay. It's hard to stop once you start.

[Breakupguy12]

NC's main purpose is to help you heal and to get to know yourself again. It's going to hurt for a while, but if in your heart you know it's the best thing (as it sounds like it is), you have to trust that you'll heal in due time.

 

Hang in there. have you ever been in love before? If so, reach back in your memories and remember how you eventually got over the breakup.

[Owz600]

I thought I was in love twice but later on you realise it wasn't really love, but just very poor relationships.

 

I know how it sounds when I say 'this girl is different'. She is great in every way but I think we may have out grown each other. When friends were around everything was fun and perfect we got on great. But past year mine and her friends have gone to University, meaning we don't go out anymore and have fun with friends. Everything just got a bit boring, we would talk about general things, how work was and how our day went. We don't really have much in common, we have good humour together, like the same films and food. But nothing much more.

 

It does come across the NC is the way for me, but it's hard to imagine never seeing or contacting her again. I hope she will understand why I have to do this. I know she will be deeply upset when I don't reply to her as we was such good friends before and during our relationship, even our break up was respectful and pleasant.

 

Thanks for replying it means a lot.

[coltsfan1]

owz600- I know how you feel I had a wonderful high school sweetheart that is my "one that got away". However I now know that at the age you are neither you or your ex are who you will be in say 5 years. I understand it hurts but trust me you have a WHOLE life worth of experiences coming your way. I met my ex when she was 19 and I was 26 we where together for about 4 years and she changed completely once she hit 21 TOTALLY a different person and so was I at 21. I have changed so much since then and I suspect both of you will as well.

 

Just take this time to work on where you want to be when your 30 and the rest will fall into place trust me. And when you meet the next girl trust your instinct if it says run then do it, it may hurt a little then but you will save yourself so much pain in the long run.

 

Good luck and keep posting..

[Graceful]

I know how it sounds when I say 'this girl is different'. She is great in every way but I think we may have out grown each other.

OWZ600, that's what I call "Nail - Head" -- meaning, you hit the nail right on the head with that statement. You're young, but you know that your relationship with your GF has run its course, and it was time to end it.

 

I have to give you a lot of credit for doing that! At your age, there is no reason to stay stuck in a rut with someone who is obviously not right for you, and you seem to have not only the maturity to not want that for yourself, but you don't want it for her, either.

 

You both deserve to find the person who is much better suited to you. Sure, there are people who meet when they are teenagers, marry and have a lifetime together, but that is quite honestly, very rare.

 

There is no reason to force fit someone in your life when you know they are a bad fit.

 

For the past 6 months she had made no effort in our relationship, I have been making all the effort. I recently suspected she has started to see another guy. He's cabin crew and fly's from Bristol, which is the exact same job she applied for. They both have a lot in common and are old friends, but there's something there I can tell. She told me a few weeks ago that he called for her and that she went in his car and they chatted for ages. I didn't want to suspect anything but it's hard not too when your going through a rough patch.

And here you go. She's not making the effort. Let me tell you something very important for future reference: Relationships take EFFORT. You are so right about that! No relationship just "works" on its own. You have to be there for the other person, you have to care, you have to share good times and bad times, and you really want to be there for someone, not just be in it for yourself.

 

It's a cliche to say that you're young and you have lots of time to find the right person for you ... so I hope you don't mind if I say it anyway. I agree with Coltsfan that people can change radically at your age, 3 years is a time of growth and change for you now, much more than later on in life when 3 years is not that big of a milestone. You're both just entering adulthood. Take your time. Don't rush into anything.

 

It does sound like your ex has a job she is into and knows what she wants to do, so now you need to do the same. Use this time to look into your own interests and make some decisions for your future.

 

Look ahead. Not back.

 

I know she will be deeply upset when I don't reply to her as we was such good friends before and during our relationship, even our break up was respectful and pleasant.

That is so nice. It is SO much better to end on respectful note, I assure you. There is nothing worse than ending badly and with anger. In keeping NC, you are doing her a favor, as well as doing yourself a favor. Trust me. Don't worry about how she feels right now, you're doing the right thing, and have your heart in the right place.