Liveforever Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 Hi, this is probably no unusal divorce story but I'd like to air it and get some feedback. I'll speak the basics and basic facts. I'm 37 male with 3 kids (age 7 and 5 and 2) and was married (currently divorcing) my ex of 9 years who is Bi-Polar. Admitted, I ended up drinking too much and smoking you know,, by the end and this was her key bone of contention- the drinking. For at least 2 yrs I didn't want to be with her but couldn't pull myself to leave for the kids sake. Yet so much verbal abuse and manic episodes and rages meant I couldn't take it anymore. My approach was to disappear and try and hide in the evenings! Since she took off with the kids to her Moms' in Feb of this year, I wound up in hospital on a psych ward for suicidal, subsequently got let out after a week with 'voluntary' alchohol rehab suggested.. Met an ex colleage while in hospital had a 2 mo relationship with her in which she kicked me out once then took me back in again to kick me out again. Found myself dumped in an apartment, jobless (as me and the ex had an unsucessful business together), then over the summer I've been emotionally unable to keep a job down, had seemingly a million car problems, dealt the lawyers court appearances etc... and she's wanted it all: the house, her car, the business equipment (a bakery), child custody and sole legal.. and in six months she's met a new man and got pregnant! omgosh!! She's demanded supervised visits (not necessary) which only works out through MY friends, which she makes ME organize. We're now reaching a possible agreement in which I don't pay child support for apx 5 yrs while she keeps the house. But she's forcing me to some rehab type place to see the kids unsupervised, and I don't want this to go to court. Meanwhile, she's lived in the old house, remained with the kids and now got a new man and got pregnant whithin six months BEFORE we're even divorced. It feels so great (not) to have some stranger living in my old house rent free and becoming a Father figure to my 3 kids. Yeah, so probably nothing unusual, but comments, feedback and advice would be appreciated. P.S This is in NYS. From Hell, by Liveforever.
Duckduckgoose Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 Umm... I don't really know where to start on this one, but I am going to bump it so some of the veterans can help you.
2010_Sorry Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 Let me first start by saying that I am truly sorry for what you are going through. Divorce, step/blended families and custody issues are not easy on any of us, so we can all feel your pain. With that being said, you should realize that that your approach to drink and "disappear" was your way of dealing with your marital issues. This was not healthy for you, nor was it healthy for your wife and your children. Unfortunately, this behavior typically results in divorce when the other party refuses to take it any longer. Finally, I know that you're upset that your wife is in a new relationship and expecting a new baby... but you started dating an ex-colleage while you were still married as well. Advice? I would suggest that you stop drinking if you haven't already. I would stay away from any relationships with women and focus on your children. I think you don't want this to go to court (because it could get ugly), but you don't want to get railroaded to keep it away from the legal system. Keep in mind that fighting a custody battle and separation of assets from a divorce can be extremely costly and create a TON of tension in both homes. This is what happened in my ex-husbands case. He fought his previous wife for custody of their 6 year old son for 2 years and $12,000 later, he won. Unfortunately, 2 years after that... he decided that he wanted to live with his mom. I'm not sure this helps, but I guess in summary... you need to do the best you can to remain calm during this storm. If you do not think she is being fair with you, then don't sit back and take it...
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