love4me2c Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 Ok so here goes... I am newly dating a man who is very honest about his past. I am as well, however, a few things about him concern me. He's told me he used to frequent call girls and trannies when he didn't have a girlfriend. He isn't gay or bi but said he had experiences in his past where he knew then that he is not. I have no concerns about his sexuality. I guess my concern is the call girls/tranny thing. I'm not overly concerned that he is turned on by trannies or tranny porn. I have some of my own fantasies that people would think are crazy as well! But I just wonder if the whole call girl thing - like could he ever just not go to a call girl again? I worry that world would be enticing again to him. My boyfriend says that he has always been faithful to the women he dated and that if ever he had the desire otherwise that he'd let me know. I kind of believe this just based on his openness in general. I say kind of because this is a new relationship so who knows if he's being truthful or not. Not like I would know otherwise. I love sex and he has told me that I'm the best he's ever had. Better than any other relationship and better than any call girl. My boyfriend is also disease free. I'm sure some men have been to call girls but never admitted it to anyone. He seems like a wonderful man but I just wonder if I should just end it? Part of me says no, but another part of me wonders if I should take this as a red flag and run the other way. I'd just like some advice. Especially from men that may have done these things in the past. Thanks!
january2010 Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 I think this would be a potential dealbreaker for me but it would depend on how into him I am. If you don't think you'll be able to put it behind you and accept that he has a past, then it will be hanging over your heads throughout your relationship.
Ruby Slippers Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 Someone who treats sex as a commodity to be bought and sold has values very different from my own. I would end it and never look back.
youngskywalker Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 LOL. This is just my opinion so take it with a grain of salt. I think you have to draw the line somewhere and if not with this, then what? Everyone should have limits and I don't see many limits past that.
Author love4me2c Posted December 29, 2010 Author Posted December 29, 2010 What if he never told me? I would never know unless he does something like this in the future. If he never told me, he'd be a perfect man! I kind of like the fact that he was open and honest. Do people like him not deserve to be loved? I guess that is where I am. He shared with me his true self. I really want to know if once you've been to a call girl(s), can you just not go back again? I have no experience with this at all. I'm not concerned about the aspect of paying for sex. We all pay for sex one way or another. Depends on what you consider a "commodity." Personally, I think if two people want to have sex in exchange for money, it is none of my business. So I'm not too hung up on that at all. More hung up on whether or not he'll be able to leave that lifestyle in the long run. Thanks!
january2010 Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 You seem to be quite defensive. That suggests to me that you've made up your mind already. There may be men on here who've experienced what he has or women who've been in your shoes but only time will tell whether or not your particular partner will be able to leave the lifestyle in the long run. As long as you are both remain faithful to whatever agreements you make about this issue, I don't really see a problem. Trying to predict so far into the future is just guesswork.
Feelin Frisky Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 I myself have never bought sex and I see the idea as generally shallow. But some men do and some can afford "call girls" rather than "street walkers". Though it's kinda low, a guy might be true to his word and not want anything to do with buying sex ever again. There's no reason to think someone has a deep-seated obsession with that form--he might have just thought it a neceessary evil. But the "tranny" thing is what would disturb me. Does someone "call" and ask for a tranny? What's up with that? I couldn't do it even if it were free. ewwww
LifeIsGreat Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 Now wait a minute! You seem like a very open minded woman, and I appreciate that. How long ago was this? Is this something he does anytime he is between gf's? You are right, what's the difference between what he does and what a single guy does when he buys a woman a few drinks and has a one night stand? We ALL pay for it one way or another. I don't think this has to be a deal breaker, but maybe a yellow/orange flag? If otherwise he seems like a good guy, I think he deserves a chance. You also deserve much credit for being open minded. It's not he admitted being into kids or small farm animals.
Author love4me2c Posted December 29, 2010 Author Posted December 29, 2010 Yes, I am very open minded. I always have been. So thank you. I take that as a very nice compliment! I just don't want to let a good guy go for something he's done in the past but I just worry about if this type of behavior is frequently repeated by those who have done these things before. Like I said, the fact that he's paid for sex or even is interested in tranny porn doesn't concern me. I just worry about him going back to the call girls. I don't want to get hurt. I'm very vulnerable at this time in my life. This is my first real relationship since I split with my husband. Thanks!
Seamless74 Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 Oh sweet Jesus. Thats pretty much sums it up... Thats how life is I guess it takes forever to find someone and just when you think theyre absolutely perfect in every way you find out theyre secretly into... "TRANNY PORN" my god LMAO dude digs trannies thats great,,,
ConflictedGuy27 Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 Oh sweet Jesus. yup... you should be concerned here; especially about that tranny thing. frankly, that's pretty homoerotic stuff; but for the sake of discussion, I'll put that aside to shed light on what I believe to be more important: he IS turned on by organs you neither have nor will ever have (wild surgeries notwithstanding). that's a flag; a big red one. it's one thing to have a big boob fetish and settle for a woman with average sized, lovlies. but again, we're talking something you don't have. I dunno... I say bail and double check those test results.
Cracker Jack Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 To be honest, this sounds like a weird situation. My opinion? I think pursuing a long-term relationship with this guy is a mistake. Yes, he deserves credit for being honest--but in all likelihood, he still has a fetish for trannies, regardless of how good the sex is within your relationship. I'm sure you don't want to be making future topics about how his fetish is ruining your relationship, so it's best to just move on with your life now.
Eeyore79 Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 Someone who treats sex as a commodity to be bought and sold has values very different from my own. I would end it and never look back. I agree. Personally I wouldn't even want to be with a man who'd had a one night stand, let alone a man who had been with prostitutes. However different people have different viewpoints, so as long as you're fine with his past, that's all that matters. However the fact that he is into chicks with dicks is another matter entirely. You should run away as fast as you possibly can.
AverageJoe Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 I have said it before, and I will say it again. Nothing good can ever come of sharing information in regards to past bed partners. Nothing. Good luck.
forrest Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 Yes, I am very open minded. I always have been. So thank you. I take that as a very nice compliment! I just don't want to let a good guy go for something he's done in the past but I just worry about if this type of behavior is frequently repeated by those who have done these things before. Like I said, the fact that he's paid for sex or even is interested in tranny porn doesn't concern me. I just worry about him going back to the call girls. I don't want to get hurt. I'm very vulnerable at this time in my life. This is my first real relationship since I split with my husband. Thanks! In answer to your question...very hard to tell. I think of his situation (call girls only) being the same as a guy having a one-night stand. He was there looking for sex and that was all. Except that maybe he is not that great with girls himself and hence why he didn't go the route of buying girls drinks and sleeping with them (mentioned above). I would ask him (given his honesty and openness) if he has gone to any call girls WHILE in a relationship. If not, then he'll probably not go to a call girl while your in a relationship with him.
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