shayan Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 This is what inspired me to write the original post, (for those looking for love) A year ago november I broke up with my first real love when I had first turned 21. There was love and infatuation, and obsession. I mean jesus all I thought about was that girl she had become so important to me that she was more important than me. Having been on LS for a while now this kind of story seems very common on both sides of the coin for both men and women. Before this relationship I was a shy and timid boy and all the girls I had met approached me. In fact, this girl came up sat next to me for two weeks and I ignored her and talked to the other girl. Then finally I started talking to her it turned out we went to highschool and middle school together and live maybe a mile away from eachother then I fell in love how clische right? I always thought I was above her better than her I would de tag her in photos cause I didn't think she was attractive enough to be associated on facebook with me. Well did things change a few years later started dating and she blew me away, and then she dumped my ass cold into the ground. Cold, a few days before my birthday. Because I was shy and timid after the break up as well, I found it hard to find new dates. Once again the next girl I dated found me and started talking to me. Though I ended this relationship about 4 months ago. Once, again I was left single shy and timid and unable to find love. Then I talked to my sister about this who I have never seen not in a relationship for more than like 2 weeks in her life and she about to get married finally thank god And she told me stop being a frigging pussy and go talk to girls. and guess what for the next couple of months that's exactly what I did. I talked to girls in class, on busses, on trains, at restauraunts, at weddings, at bar mitzvahs, anywhere, I pushed my self way out of my comfort zone. I realized that the more I spoke the better I got. In fact, I'm so glad I did this because now when the right girls roll around I'm not a gun shy deer in the headlights, and I've been on numerous dates since but still have not found the right one. So if you guys think this is about sitting on your asses waiting for a girl to come to your apartment and ask you out then, no that was not my message. (everything I say here goes for girls as well) You have to leave your house, you have to get out of your comfort zone, experience new things, grow. But you can't do these things with the sole intention of finding love because it just doesn't work like that. When you're talking to a girl right if you're thinking about 'will she be the next one, does she like me, omg I hope we fall in love, etc, etc." You're not thinking about the girl, in fact your not even paying attention to the present moment you're just focusing on what you want. But believe this is the most unattractive way to be in the world. Because you give of a desperate and unfulfilled vibe. A girl doesn't want someone who needs an emotional blanket, she wants someone who is genuinely interested in her same for guys. We don't want a chick to use us as an emotional tampon or cructh, we want them to be genuinely interested. So now you're are going to ask well then what the hell do I do? Do I go after the girls (or men), or do I let them come to me. Neither you meet them half way, you do your thing, build yourself, your confidence, your self love, your self image, your life. Learn to be happy just the way you are even though you are not with someone at the moment. Then go out into the world with no expectations just go out to meet people and spread ideas and love or whatever it is you want to convey, and be open to the idea of finding someone you'll like. That's it when you go in with no expectations just being yourself you can't lose. You don't have to lie or exxagerate, you don't have to deal with the ever stinging pain of rejection (although there will still be rejection for most I promise, not everyone is going to like you get use to that idea). Just be yourself and I promise the people who are in alignment with you the ones you do click with will be around and will notice your light. Cause I'm telling you when you don't give a damn and just want to live out your purpose, a light turns on within you. Why do you think people are so attractive to those meaner guys. It's not because they are mean (most women btw learn that these guys should be avoided by there mid twenties from what I hear and I don't suggest people take the ******* approach it's a bad way in my opinion); it is because they don't care to impress the girl or pamper her they treat her like anyone else and that is damn attractive. You don't have to be an asshoe to embody this qaulity just confident and knowing of your own value, you realize we are all eqaul therefore there is no reason I should ever think any guy or girl is better than me. But you can't turn on this light to attract girls (or guys) because this is an artificial flourescent light which expires in a couple months and you'll ending looking like the guys on jersey shore, you have to do it for yourself and it will last like the sun. So my friends I tell you if you want love stop trying so hard, build yourself let it come and then go and meet it. You can't do it sitting in your apartment unless you're on a dating website (in which case good for you), and you can't do it with desperation and expectation balance, balance, simple, simple, simple these are the lessons I have learned. That is all. as a side note I was depressed for nearly 6 months after my first girl dumped me, I don't think I can ever shed a tear for another girl again cause I know the value of my life and that little details fade. See the bigger picture. Good luck and lighten up, don't try so hard, you may be suprised. questions, comments, concerns, please let me know.
january2010 Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 I recommend participating in Meetup group events, especially the special interest/activities groups rather than the singles groups (which can be a bit of a meat market). There may be a core group of regulars but otherwise, most people don't know each other and so everyone is in the same 'predicament' and you're all encouraged to chat and get to know each other. In some groups, the turnover is fairly high, which means that there are always new people to meet. And since it's a special interest/activity group, there's always a starting point for conversation.
TaraMaiden Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 You'll be glad to know I'm keeping out of this one!! Nice post, shay.....
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